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[lovepeace]

hello everyone 

I wanted to post my feelings here because I am hoping some of you could maybe help me with my situation or even give me advice on what I should do or maybe feel.

About 2 years ago I was in a bad place. I had dropped out of my city college after 2 years because of skipping class, bad grades, drinking, and drugs.  It was a very bad time for me.  My parents had given up on me.  They even told me to my face that I was worthless.  It did not feel too good.

This past year, though, has been wonderful. I met Alex and he helped me get my life back in order. I even got the guts to ask my parents for a second chance at school and they gave it to me.  I have had straight A's this whole year (taking 6 classes in 2 semesters). I was so happy and still am about what I have accomplished.  Recently though my parents have been treating me like school is nothing. Like what I have tried so hard to work on has meant nothing to them. All I have ever wanted is to prove to them that I am not worthless and for them to be proud of me, but lately it feels like nothing I do is right. Today I came home after spending the weekend with Alex to a mom who sat me down and told me I was worthless and that she wishes I was out of the house and that if she had her way I would have been kicked out last summer. She told me to my face she wants me out of the house and long gone and that she has given up on me. She tells me I need to get a job and work hard. I do work hard though. I work my butt off for the grades I receive. I believe that being a full time student is just as hard as having a job. I had to quit my job just to keep C's in classes. A little information I want to share is that my mother was on her own at 16. She had a full time job and went to school full time BUT she NEVER finished college. She married my dad who was lucky to have succeeded in life. She does not work has not worked for almost 18 years. She does not go to school or do anything. And what hurts is that she has the nerve to tell me I am nothing and that I am lazy etc. It hurts because in my heart I know that is not true. I work hard or at least I try.  It is difficult to tell you all this without shedding a few tears, but I know crying about it will not help. I need to be strong and believe that things will work themselves out. My father is a hard working man but he has told me since day one that he worked 2 jobs and went to school, BUT he ALWAYS adds that he did not have any friends or free time. He tells me that friends are pointless because they come and go and that they are a waste of time. In my opinion I do not know where I would be if I did not have my friends by my side. 

I do not know what to expect in response to this post, but if any one has advice or just wants to share something I would be most grateful. Thank you for taking the time to read this 

God Bless You,
Chanelle Dawn

[mharrell08]

Email reply from Ray (http://www.forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,2836.0.html):

I think that we have all "been there, done that," to some degree. Paul said we are to be thankful in all things. I tend to thank God more for my blessings than I do for my trials, nonetheless, I do thank Him for the trials, but usually wish for an early parole if possible, if you know what I mean. There are only so many kinds of trials: health, finances, security, marital, social, mental/emotional, spiritual. Any one of these can virtually destroy a person if it is severe enough. Three or four will wear you down. All seven at the same time seems like hell on earth. Most people don't have more than four going on at once. I have experienced all seven rather severely except for maybe "security." But thankfully not all at the same time. My worst marital and emotional problems happened at a time when I was in excellent health and drove a new Cadillac. Amazing how little they helped the situation, however. The pain of burning our finger on a stove means more to us than all the starving, diseased, insecure, abused children of Africa.  We are amazingly selfish creatures.  In our worst state, we have much to be thankful for. Yes, that's the thing, Robert, "Is God working with us?" For "If God be for us, who [or what] can be against us?"

    God be with you,

    Ray


Email reply from Ray (http://www.forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,617.0.html):

I can understand your situation and your pain. I get many such emails. Most are so embarrassed that they insist that I keep their email private.  But your situation and your feelings are very common in the world.  God intended for you to go through the pain that you are now enduring, and therefore, I cannot give you a remedy to cure all of your ills. Not that you are asking me to do that, but you certainly are seeing some relief and direction in your life.
God has a plan for each of us. Even if God is not calling us as one of the chosen few in this life, He still has a plan for our life.  And there is nothing that I can do to change or alter that plan, nor is there anything that you can do differently from what has already been predetermined.
I will encourage you to read the material on our site. If you saw "truth" on our site, and it effected your thinking and your life, then by all means, KEEP READING.  Accept the "hand" that God has delt you--I have.  I have no desire to change God's plan FOR MY LIFE. And you should have no desire to change what God has planned for you. And right now, God has planned for you to feel miserable and helpless.  This should cause you to cry out to God. So.....CRY OUT TO GOD!  I personally, cry out to God every single day.
If you are seeking God it is only because GOD IS SEEKING YOU.  Stay with it; stay the course, keep the faith, do not become weary in well-doing.   God will eventually have the victory in your life.
God be with you,
Ray


Ps. 4:5  Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the LORD.

Ps. 7:1  O LORD my God, in thee do I put my trust: save me from all them that persecute me, and deliver me:

Prov 2:1-2  ...if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments with thee; So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding;


Chanelle,

Until you place all your trust in the Lord, you'll continue to go in these circles. From these and earlier comments, you let TOO MANY things of this world bring you up and back down...over and over again.

Learn to place all of your understanding in the Lord...learn His ways, stop relying on your own and those of the world's.

YOU have to live for God...YOU have to abide in Christ and He will abide in YOU...YOU have to repent and seek God humbly and earnestly.

Until you do these (and it's not you but the grace of God in YOU) you'll stay in these ruts you continue to testify of. Cry out to the Lord...He will answer! 


Hope this helps,

Marques

[firefly77]

Chanelle,
I am a mother of a now 20 year old young man. While he was in high school, I never quite understood him getting so frustrated with some of the teachers he had and why some of his grades were not so good and other grades were excellent. At times he acted so burned out, something I considered laziness back then.
Well, we are both attending college now. I totally understand him, and I do understand you. To get straight As in my college, I had to sacrifice my private life completely... I did not have a life, especially for the last 6 months. My grades went down, part of the reason was my frustration with the instructor. She is not a teacher... her heart is not in it and she's got too many other irons in the fire. Additionally, she just doesn't have the gift of teaching, which made all of us students have to work twice as hard on a subject which could have been stimulating and a lot of fun. By her inability to explain the subject matter and be precise with her instructions, overbearing in her mannerism, and overblown in what she thought of herself, she took the fun right out of it. I don't want to get into all the details, but all I want to say is "I understand where you are coming from". To be able to understand your side, I had to become a student again myself. It changed my perspective, and I love my son so much more now, especially for not getting totally frustrated with me for calling him "lazy" sometimes. Instead of being critical of him presently, I can encourage him, and be a compassionate listener just because I know what it is like.
Please remember, sometimes parents do mean well, but sometimes it's our own shortcomings and failures we try to cover up by expecting too much from our children. She means well... if you keep that in mind and just tell her how much you appreciate her input and that you will try to do better in the future instead of being defensive, you may ease the tension at your home. Get her involved in your assignments, show her what you are working on, ask her for advice... make her feel important and pray most of all for wisdom in how to handle the situation.
Let us know how things develop.
Angie

[judith collier]

Chanelle, what Angie said is good. Maybe if you spent some time with your mom, just you and her it would help. I always was a bit jealous of my children's friends when they became older because it seemed like they never had a minute to talk to me like when they were young. When someone is hurting they will usually attack if they are not the crying kind. Maybe help your mom even if you don't think she needs it. Maybe she just needs some attention. Judy

[NoviceBeliever]

Chanelle:  It amazes me when GOD uses someone else’s words to teach us a valuable lesson, which HE feels is one we must learn. Thank you for your post, because it is solidifying some very true lessons that have been happening in my life.

Much of what you wrote rang true with me in respect to your mom.  But one thing that has been imparted to me is knowledge of my relationship to my parents, and my mom in particularly.  Our parents are people that we look up to, they correct us, rear us, look after our needs, etc., when we are children. But it takes us a very long time to realize that our parents are not "perfect".  GOD is also working on them, and gives them their own trials, corrections, and experiences to bring them to where HE wants them right now. Our parents are carnal just as we are.  Your mom has the same emotions that we all do and same failings as well. Sometimes we find it hard to offer the people we are closest to the same grace that we would offer a stranger.

My story is not so different from yours, although I am twice your age.  I started back to school shortly after my 40th birthday. It has always been something that I have been drawn to completing and was finally inspired to do so.  It was a lot of hard work, as it had been at least 15 years since I had set foot in a classroom. But I was able to go back and complete 19 credits in one year...and as of December, I completed my degree.  I applaud you for giving it another go after your first experience. 

There were so many things that happened in my life that I had to go through to be brought to what I am experiencing right now in my own life, and I keep reflecting on the people and situations that GOD used to bring me to HIM.  It is all of GOD!  These trials that you are experiencing with others are HIS way of not just teaching you through them, but also HIS way of teaching them through you as well. Hold true to HIM and keep seeking for the knowledge and understanding that GOD is trying to impart to you. HE will work his own ways with others.
NB

[gmik]

Hi Chanelle....I remember praying for you...You know that God is a miracle working God and HE does NOT consider you worthless at all.  HE is the only one that really counts!!

I can bring a tear to my eye very quickly if I choose to think about my mom and my dad.  I was THE first in our entire family-both sides- to go to college.  I got NO help from them at all.  They worked in the factories and I was being uppity etc.  Families disappoint and hurt all the time!  I just try to move on...but THEY can't hurt me deep down...bcz I know I am not worthless!!

Honey, this time you're in will pass...I promise you!!

You are right to want to finish school.  May God continue to be your source of strength.  You are loved sweetie!!!!

[daywalker]

Hello Chanelle,

I'm sorry to hear of the trials you are facing. It sounds to me like your mother is the one with the issues. Whether it's jealousy or something else, I don't know. But it sounds to me like you've been doing all you can to turn your life around, and for whatever reason, she isn't accepting it. My advice would be to keep doing what you're doing. Keep your head up, keep doing good in school, keep strong in your faith.

And know this, no matter how your earthly parents treat you, your Heavenly Father will NEVER give up on you, and He will NEVER think that you're worthless, because you are not!


I will keep you in my prayers, God Bless.

Christopher. 

PS: Having friends is a very good thing. I cannot imagine where I'd be without mine.

[Marlene]

Chanelle, Just remember we are all in the process of being made like our Heavenly Father, we are not worthless. To him we are more valuable then anything this world has to offer. Keep up on the path God is taking you. You are being guided by him. Try and remember your parents are human. Everyone makes mistakes.

Everyone is giving you good advice.

I will keep you in my prayers, that God will help you to handle the trials that you are going through.
Don't ever forgive the Love the Heavenly Father has for you and all the world.

In His Love,
Marlene

[Ninny]

Sweet Girl just hang in there, human parents don't always do what's good and right and fair, but your Heavenly Father always does! You are not alone hold tight to what you know in God. YOU are Not worthless! Remember Christ gave all to redeem you! To God you are a priceless pearl!! You are safe in the arms of your Father God!!
Kathy

[ez2u]

Thank you for your letter Chanell  I want to share something with you  that happen to me
I am old  and have had children since I was 19  6 in all the last child i had was when i was 38  so it was a little bit of a stretch.  My husband and i worked very hard in our small business and either one of us got the opportunity to go to college though we encourage our children to work hard make good grades to get scholarships to go. We've had 4 in college in different professional degrees.  Here is what I want to say to you.  When I took my daughter up to one of the best colleges in our state.  and  she worked very hard to get there, I was jealous.  I didn't let her know it  but I did.  The funny thing is I also loved her very very much and was so proud of her and I want  her to be a success  but in side was this pain that i didn't get that chance and my life was pretty much over.  Something inside wasn't right i started seeking the Lord and it took time to resolve.  Being a parent is surely a good field for the Lord to work in.  Maybe your mom secretly wants to go to college?  Maybe you could encourage her and lift her up,  I mean her self esteem
that she would be able to .  There is a root there,  prayer is wonderful.  As you seek the Lord  he will help you  I hope my story gives you a broader aspects of this situation.  In Him  peggy

[firefly77]

Peggy and Chanelle,
It's never to late to go back to college. I am 56 and attending college to get certifications and a degree in computer science and technology. After my degree there are a couple of other semesters I want to take, specializing in computer networks and maybe forensics?! I totally enjoy going back to school, although it is not easy to forget about everything else and just concentrate on your assignments. It takes commitment to make this your top priority.
Just wanted to encourage you to try it.

Angie

[NoviceBeliever]

I second that Angie...and it is so much better when you are a little older and much more committed to it!  The grades tend to be better too!  Go for it girls!!!!

[Marlene]

You know girls it is awesome you all are taking extra schooling. Especially, at some of your ages.

I am just working hard to get through this school of Life where I am learning the Truths Of God. You all have taken alot upon you! Physical School and Spiritual School.  But, with the Heavely Father helping us we all can graduate.

In His Love,
Marlene

[cjwood]

But, with the Heavely Father helping us we all can graduate.

marlene,
i really liked the way you said the above phrase. i believe that if we continue to strive to overcome, we all shall graduate with honors! 

love in Christ,
claudia

[ez2u]

I did sign up to start college this fall.  I am kind of scared     peggy

[meefsgirl]

Chanelle,

I had a close family member put me down for every little thing I accomplished in life. I was doing it to get approval, love and acceptance from him, but in the end I realized I had to do it for the Lord and for me. When I took my focus off this person and put it on the Lord and doing what I do 'for Him' was I finally able to find joy and the freedom to do well on my own without human approval. It felt so freeing.

I hope you find that joy and peace soon.

blessings...

meefsgirl