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i feel...in a way...lost

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lovepeace:
hello everyone  :)

I wanted to post my feelings here because I am hoping some of you could maybe help me with my situation or even give me advice on what I should do or maybe feel.

About 2 years ago I was in a bad place. I had dropped out of my city college after 2 years because of skipping class, bad grades, drinking, and drugs.  It was a very bad time for me.  My parents had given up on me.  They even told me to my face that I was worthless.  It did not feel too good.

This past year, though, has been wonderful. I met Alex and he helped me get my life back in order. I even got the guts to ask my parents for a second chance at school and they gave it to me.  I have had straight A's this whole year (taking 6 classes in 2 semesters). I was so happy and still am about what I have accomplished.  Recently though my parents have been treating me like school is nothing. Like what I have tried so hard to work on has meant nothing to them. All I have ever wanted is to prove to them that I am not worthless and for them to be proud of me, but lately it feels like nothing I do is right. Today I came home after spending the weekend with Alex to a mom who sat me down and told me I was worthless and that she wishes I was out of the house and that if she had her way I would have been kicked out last summer. She told me to my face she wants me out of the house and long gone and that she has given up on me. She tells me I need to get a job and work hard. I do work hard though. I work my butt off for the grades I receive. I believe that being a full time student is just as hard as having a job. I had to quit my job just to keep C's in classes. A little information I want to share is that my mother was on her own at 16. She had a full time job and went to school full time BUT she NEVER finished college. She married my dad who was lucky to have succeeded in life. She does not work has not worked for almost 18 years. She does not go to school or do anything. And what hurts is that she has the nerve to tell me I am nothing and that I am lazy etc. It hurts because in my heart I know that is not true. I work hard or at least I try.  :-[ It is difficult to tell you all this without shedding a few tears, but I know crying about it will not help. I need to be strong and believe that things will work themselves out. My father is a hard working man but he has told me since day one that he worked 2 jobs and went to school, BUT he ALWAYS adds that he did not have any friends or free time. He tells me that friends are pointless because they come and go and that they are a waste of time. In my opinion I do not know where I would be if I did not have my friends by my side.  :-\

I do not know what to expect in response to this post, but if any one has advice or just wants to share something I would be most grateful. Thank you for taking the time to read this  :)

God Bless You,
Chanelle Dawn

mharrell08:
Email reply from Ray (http://www.forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,2836.0.html):

I think that we have all "been there, done that," to some degree. Paul said we are to be thankful in all things. I tend to thank God more for my blessings than I do for my trials, nonetheless, I do thank Him for the trials, but usually wish for an early parole if possible, if you know what I mean. There are only so many kinds of trials: health, finances, security, marital, social, mental/emotional, spiritual. Any one of these can virtually destroy a person if it is severe enough. Three or four will wear you down. All seven at the same time seems like hell on earth. Most people don't have more than four going on at once. I have experienced all seven rather severely except for maybe "security." But thankfully not all at the same time. My worst marital and emotional problems happened at a time when I was in excellent health and drove a new Cadillac. Amazing how little they helped the situation, however. The pain of burning our finger on a stove means more to us than all the starving, diseased, insecure, abused children of Africa.  We are amazingly selfish creatures.  In our worst state, we have much to be thankful for. Yes, that's the thing, Robert, "Is God working with us?" For "If God be for us, who [or what] can be against us?"

    God be with you,

    Ray


Email reply from Ray (http://www.forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,617.0.html):

I can understand your situation and your pain. I get many such emails. Most are so embarrassed that they insist that I keep their email private.  But your situation and your feelings are very common in the world.  God intended for you to go through the pain that you are now enduring, and therefore, I cannot give you a remedy to cure all of your ills. Not that you are asking me to do that, but you certainly are seeing some relief and direction in your life.
God has a plan for each of us. Even if God is not calling us as one of the chosen few in this life, He still has a plan for our life.  And there is nothing that I can do to change or alter that plan, nor is there anything that you can do differently from what has already been predetermined.
I will encourage you to read the material on our site. If you saw "truth" on our site, and it effected your thinking and your life, then by all means, KEEP READING.  Accept the "hand" that God has delt you--I have.  I have no desire to change God's plan FOR MY LIFE. And you should have no desire to change what God has planned for you. And right now, God has planned for you to feel miserable and helpless.  This should cause you to cry out to God. So.....CRY OUT TO GOD!  I personally, cry out to God every single day.
If you are seeking God it is only because GOD IS SEEKING YOU.  Stay with it; stay the course, keep the faith, do not become weary in well-doing.   God will eventually have the victory in your life.
God be with you,
Ray


Ps. 4:5  Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the LORD.

Ps. 7:1  O LORD my God, in thee do I put my trust: save me from all them that persecute me, and deliver me:

Prov 2:1-2  ...if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments with thee; So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding;


Chanelle,

Until you place all your trust in the Lord, you'll continue to go in these circles. From these and earlier comments, you let TOO MANY things of this world bring you up and back down...over and over again.

Learn to place all of your understanding in the Lord...learn His ways, stop relying on your own and those of the world's.

YOU have to live for God...YOU have to abide in Christ and He will abide in YOU...YOU have to repent and seek God humbly and earnestly.

Until you do these (and it's not you but the grace of God in YOU) you'll stay in these ruts you continue to testify of. Cry out to the Lord...He will answer!  :)


Hope this helps,

Marques

firefly77:
Chanelle,
I am a mother of a now 20 year old young man. While he was in high school, I never quite understood him getting so frustrated with some of the teachers he had and why some of his grades were not so good and other grades were excellent. At times he acted so burned out, something I considered laziness back then.
Well, we are both attending college now. I totally understand him, and I do understand you. To get straight As in my college, I had to sacrifice my private life completely... I did not have a life, especially for the last 6 months. My grades went down, part of the reason was my frustration with the instructor. She is not a teacher... her heart is not in it and she's got too many other irons in the fire. Additionally, she just doesn't have the gift of teaching, which made all of us students have to work twice as hard on a subject which could have been stimulating and a lot of fun. By her inability to explain the subject matter and be precise with her instructions, overbearing in her mannerism, and overblown in what she thought of herself, she took the fun right out of it. I don't want to get into all the details, but all I want to say is "I understand where you are coming from". To be able to understand your side, I had to become a student again myself. It changed my perspective, and I love my son so much more now, especially for not getting totally frustrated with me for calling him "lazy" sometimes. Instead of being critical of him presently, I can encourage him, and be a compassionate listener just because I know what it is like.
Please remember, sometimes parents do mean well, but sometimes it's our own shortcomings and failures we try to cover up by expecting too much from our children. She means well... if you keep that in mind and just tell her how much you appreciate her input and that you will try to do better in the future instead of being defensive, you may ease the tension at your home. Get her involved in your assignments, show her what you are working on, ask her for advice... make her feel important and pray most of all for wisdom in how to handle the situation.
Let us know how things develop.
Angie

judith collier:
Chanelle, what Angie said is good. Maybe if you spent some time with your mom, just you and her it would help. I always was a bit jealous of my children's friends when they became older because it seemed like they never had a minute to talk to me like when they were young. When someone is hurting they will usually attack if they are not the crying kind. Maybe help your mom even if you don't think she needs it. Maybe she just needs some attention. Judy

NoviceBeliever:
Chanelle:  It amazes me when GOD uses someone else’s words to teach us a valuable lesson, which HE feels is one we must learn. Thank you for your post, because it is solidifying some very true lessons that have been happening in my life.

Much of what you wrote rang true with me in respect to your mom.  But one thing that has been imparted to me is knowledge of my relationship to my parents, and my mom in particularly.  Our parents are people that we look up to, they correct us, rear us, look after our needs, etc., when we are children. But it takes us a very long time to realize that our parents are not "perfect".  GOD is also working on them, and gives them their own trials, corrections, and experiences to bring them to where HE wants them right now. Our parents are carnal just as we are.  Your mom has the same emotions that we all do and same failings as well. Sometimes we find it hard to offer the people we are closest to the same grace that we would offer a stranger.

My story is not so different from yours, although I am twice your age.  I started back to school shortly after my 40th birthday. It has always been something that I have been drawn to completing and was finally inspired to do so.  It was a lot of hard work, as it had been at least 15 years since I had set foot in a classroom. But I was able to go back and complete 19 credits in one year...and as of December, I completed my degree.  I applaud you for giving it another go after your first experience. 

There were so many things that happened in my life that I had to go through to be brought to what I am experiencing right now in my own life, and I keep reflecting on the people and situations that GOD used to bring me to HIM.  It is all of GOD!  These trials that you are experiencing with others are HIS way of not just teaching you through them, but also HIS way of teaching them through you as well. Hold true to HIM and keep seeking for the knowledge and understanding that GOD is trying to impart to you. HE will work his own ways with others.
NB

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