what to do

[Roy Coates]

The leaders and the pastor of my former church have dis-fellowshiped me. It has been more that a week since I conversed with any of them. For me this is good. My wife is taking it very hard. She considers me the spiritual leader of the family. However she is certain that we will be looked down on from our friends, her coworkers and my older children. I too think this is and will happen and I see it at a blessing. Her friends and coworker currently don't respect her spiritual understanding and now cause she cant claim a local church home she feels much worse. I am really out on the faith limb, confident I am listening to God's call, I am just not sure I can convince her. Steadfast and steady as she goes I say. But she cried tonight as I told her some of the latest happenings. She is worried and is need of prayer. I know her eyes have been opened it is letting go of the stigma she has believed to be proper christian living. I need strength and encouragement too. I need to teach our little ones in a way that mom is comfortable and the truth is being taught. Thanks again as I struggle in these emotional time

[Roy Martin]

Roy, the greatest thing about this is that you have left behind a building with people in it , but you haven't left God. Your strength is in the true God that you know of, and not in what you left behind.
Its not an easy thing to give up idols of the heart and the things we use to attach ourselves to for security.
Its where your going and not where you have been that's important and exciting.
I'm not saying anything you don't already know, just trying to lift you and your wife up.
You and your wife are in my prayers.

Peace
Roy

[Ninny]

Roy,
My prayers are with you! You are in a place where only God can lift you out..but stay strong, because He WILL do it!!
Kathy

[noeleena]

Hi . i cant tell you how to handle this detail . . as a male you will do it differently . than us as women . your needs will be addresed in a way . that will work for you . your s o .   partner will have a very different  emotional thing going on that you wont see unless she tells you .what she will need is love . reasurance & knowing its not her fault that others have turned her out . or rejected her . its going to take time . a long time . so dont say . just walk away forget it .  that wont help . dont try & convince her .
I am involoved in a  big community . & we have many who are turned away so i am well aware of this .  allow the Holy spirit to suround you . & feed you .. & your partner . some times we need to back off from  being  in charge . & just sit . a while . & wait on the Lord . not easy .. really its very hard . some times we have to unlearn what has been taught . & relearn . many things . in our life s . in our community .   we are rejected becaues we are different . so are not acceped for who we are no matter even if we accept thier teaching .s right or wrong. then having to turn away from that . is very hard . just trust in the Lord & let the Lord work it out .
    Hey .  for your   partner.    when you follow The lord we just have to tag along ... let the Lord go first ...       hug .s
...noeleena...    

[Roy Martin]

Noeleena , excellent advice.

Roy

[Kat]

Hi Roy,

I can see that this upheaval in your family's life is difficult and yes the ramifications of leaving the church are real.  As we are social creators, we want to belong to the group, to be accepted, it gives us a sense of identity.  For most of us the church was where we spent many years trying to fit in and let it be our "spiritual" guide.  When our eyes are opened and we see the church for what it truly is and that false facade comes crumbling down, it can be traumatic. Maybe your wife is not as far along in converting her faith and trust to God as you, so she needs a little time to adjust to all this. Since her eyes are opened God will lead her to embrace this too in time, as her understanding grows she will begin to realize what is obvious to you now.  Your being there to comfort her and help her understanding is a great blessing for her.  So as you make your way through this trying time, I will be praying for Him to strengthen you and give your wife comfort that all truly is well.

mercy, peace and love
Kat

[Roy Coates]

Thanks Bt family for the up lift, prayers and thoughts. It is hard but not too hard. I am certain God as a good handle on it. Peace

[gmik]

Hi Roy, you got some excellent advice...so I shan't tell ya more.

But, my husband, youngest son, and myself all went thru this "upheaval".  We have been called names, shunned, and isolated.  We have been told not to teach any grandchildren, now or future, this blasphemy.  So to keep the peace we just don't talk about anything!! 

It is hard to look at people's reaction when they always ask "where are you going to church now?".  Um...we don't go.  Nope no bible studies, fellowship yada yada...some are amazed. Closer friends were so afraid we had left "God".

If your wife wants the truth and to walk in newness of life-give her time.

This forum has been a God send and the conferences really are wonderful.

Maybe we could meet for dinner sometime half way between your house and mine?  We live in Adrian.

[Roy Coates]

Thanks Gmik. I am  holding steady thanks to God. I still teach a little every day, most is welcomed. It is that question she is dreading exactly. I told her she could say that she is going to the church of the living God. Being pretty smart she asked and who should I say the pastor is? I was at a loss for words. I am grateful for what I have in her and I have know doubt others have it a lot worse. It is not bad but great! I think dinner will be wonderful. Let me see if she is willing.

[mharrell08]

I told her she could say that she is going to the church of the living God. Being pretty smart she asked and who should I say the pastor is? I was at a loss for words.

Heb 3:1  Wherefore, holy brethren, partakers of the heavenly calling, consider the Apostle and High Priest of our profession, Christ Jesus

Heb 4:14  Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.


Hope this helps,

Marques

[Linny]

Roy, I simply tell people that God has called us to "home church" right now and that we have learned SO MUCH by doing so. No one ever asks me anything after that.   When someone says "God told me to..." people don't want to step on any toes.

And what Noeleena said is so right about us women needing reassurance. I'd tell your precious wife that this season, though difficult, will bring you guys closer than ever and your marriage will never be the same. It will make your lives together more cemented and that you are always there for her.

Blessings to you both, Lin

[smeacham]

Dear Heavenly Father,

I thank You for giving Roy the faith to take this big step.  I can only imagine, but You know, how difficult this was and is for him and his family.  I have also felt the sting of disfellowship.  Please sustain them through the anger and hurt that may come, and keep them from self-righteousness, too.  Bless You Father, for making them different than those they left behind.

Lord, the way You've blessed my life is more than I deserve and You've always been sufficient for me.  Please fill them up the same way you did my wife and I when we left the Christian religion at last.  You care more than even I do, so I leave them confidently in Your hands.

And, keep us in Your light until Your Kingdom comes, I pray in Jesus' name.  Amen.

[smeacham]

Thanks Gmik. I am  holding steady thanks to God. I still teach a little every day, most is welcomed. It is that question she is dreading exactly. I told her she could say that she is going to the church of the living God. Being pretty smart she asked and who should I say the pastor is? I was at a loss for words. I am grateful for what I have in her and I have know doubt others have it a lot worse. It is not bad but great! I think dinner will be wonderful. Let me see if she is willing.

Why not say the pastor is L. Ray Smith?  I mean, honestly?

[Roy Coates]

Words of wisdom, empathy, prayer and honesty. What can I say, thank you all. Lots of great advice that I will use. Things are all ready taking shape. I started "tid bit teaching" to my wife via text messages while we are separated during the day. I have ordered her her on copy the CLNT. I am working on some audio for her to listen to on her I Pod too. I continue to show God to my family in every thing around us and in us to the best of my ability as the Spirit directs and allows. God speed to you and yours

[9440geoff]

The leaders and the pastor of my former church have dis-fellowshiped me.

Roy, I wanted to reply yesterday to offer prayers and words of comfort, but couldn't find the right words, probably because I felt the empathy with you and yours, knowing that God is going to use all the emotions and trials that you are going through at this time for your growth and His glory.

The word that stuck in my 'throat' as I read your post was "dis-fellowshipped', because I cannot see how this could be Scriptural. A word search of esword brought up the following verses:

Phm 1:6 so that the fellowship of your faith may become operative in the realization of every good thing which is in us for Christ Jesus.

1Jn 1:3 That which we have seen and heard we are reporting to you also, that you too may be having fellowship with us, and yet this fellowship of ours is with the Father and with His Son, Jesus Christ."

1Jn 1:6 If we should be saying that we are having fellowship with Him and should be walking in darkness, we are lying and are not doing the truth."
1Jn 1:7 Yet if we should be walking in the light as He is in the light, we are having fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, is cleansing us from every sin."

From these verses I believe that we cannot have true fellowship with people who are walking in darkness, and so we cannot be 'dis-fellowshipped' from them.

Mat 18:20 For where two or three are, gathered in My name, there am I in the midst of them."

Geoff

[Roy Coates]

Interesting turn of events. My wife is now planning to place our daughter(my step) in catechism. When I presented her with a copy of the CLNT she told me that Catholics don't use those. She often spoke about all the negative traits she has had burned into her mind from the Catholic church and now she wants to return. Sometime I think it is an attempt to hurt me cause she is hurt from my decision to leave the church. I must admit it does give me a sad feeling that she is responding this way. If I wasn't persecuted for His sake I would be lost too. The pressure is great at this time. May God have mercy on us all. Peace

[Ninny]

Roy,
My prayers....as always...stay strong
Kathy

[Marlene]

Roy, I will pray for you. This is a hard thing for sure.

In His Love,
Marlene

[aqrinc]

Hi Roy,

Remember, If it was easy, anybody could do it. Then we would not have need for Jesus Christ, our Redeemer, as a sin offering for us, we would do it ourselves.

Only GOD And our Lord Jesus Christ The Righteous Can Do it, so we must rest in that Truth.

george.

[cjwood]

amen brother george. roy, i pray for your also and for your wife, that our Father's mercy and grace will be yours as you go through this hard time. it is an exercise for your faith. continue to call out to Him for the strength from His Spirit within you. also, as i am now myself going through personal difficulties, we MUST put on the mind of Christ in order to approach our trials as He did His while on this earth. and that my brother is a very hard thing to do, continually, minute by minute, even second by second. otherwise, our carnal mind will lie to us and try to snatch away our faith. we have to continue to move forward, towards that goal of overcoming the things of this world that are on the ready to trip us up, to make us miss the mark. and the ONLY way we can achieve that is to put on the mind of Christ.

stand strong in that faith which our Father has given you. we love you and will be here to uplift you.

claudia