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[rbn]

Hi All,

Anyone have any amusing heresies or banter coming out of Babylon that you would like to share? Any favorites?

Here's my favorite:

I attended a church invitation on the subject, "Finding Your Help Mate." The invited Christian speaker spoke for about a hour on the topic. He told us how he met his wife (Help Mate) and he had the answers to the mate God has for you. After he finished speaking he promoted his book. I bought a copy. I read it. In the last chapter he tells the reader, "Give him or her a phone call. Speak to them in tongues. And if they do not hang up, that is the one God has for you."

I put the book in the trash.

Cheers,
rbn

[gmik]

 

[daywalker]

Yuck! Did you get a refund? 

[gmik]

Ha.  How many books have we all tossed after we were led to BT?


I loved the time my husband and I went to hear a speaker and went to the altar for prayer...the guy put his hand on my head and since everyone else had fallen down so did I.  Well, hubby wasn't gonna.  He resisted, the speaker kept pushing his hand against hubbies head, hubby pushed back (veins rising on his neck), the speaker then let go and just as hard as he could slapped his hand on Jerry's head and then actually pushed him!  Finally, he just moved to the next poor soul in line.  I was laughing on the floor (I think you are to have a very spiritual moment there), Jerry helped me up.  We laughed all the way home. I threw that guys books away too!

[Marlene]

Gena, That is so funny. I would have loved to see that. Well, I use to get all the end time books that was out there. One, day shortly after  coming in here I got a trash bag and loaded them all up and to the garbage they went. When, I look back and think of all of them and see how many of them were wrong it makes me ill. It makes me ill to think I bought into all of that. But, thanks be to God we have been led to the truth.

In His Love,
Marlene

[hillsbororiver]

Ha.  How many books have we all tossed after we were led to BT?


I loved the time my husband and I went to hear a speaker and went to the altar for prayer...the guy put his hand on my head and since everyone else had fallen down so did I.  Well, hubby wasn't gonna.  He resisted, the speaker kept pushing his hand against hubbies head, hubby pushed back (veins rising on his neck), the speaker then let go and just as hard as he could slapped his hand on Jerry's head and then actually pushed him!  Finally, he just moved to the next poor soul in line.  I was laughing on the floor (I think you are to have a very spiritual moment there), Jerry helped me up.  We laughed all the way home. I threw that guys books away too!

 

Hi Gena,

I can easily picture Jerry doing that!

Priceless!

That preacher can count himself lucky he did not push too much, I could see Jerry getting into a three point stance and blast him backward like his days playing the line at the U of Michigan!

Peace,

Joe

[rbn]

daywalker,

There was no refund. You know; once they get their money they move on to the next circus act.
rbn

[gmik]

Amen Marlene-thank God we were dragged to the truth!

Joe, that is so funny!!

 It reminds me of another one.  We were listening to an evangelist at our old church.  During his message he brought down his own rollex watch to make this big point of not caring about luxuries etc.  He looked around and just gave the watch to Jerry.  Go ahead keep it, the guy says, means nothing to me.  Blah blah for the next half hour.  Finally after altar call, and dismissal, we were filing out the door.  I am telling you the truth, that evangelist was leaping over the pews(!!!), yes, to come and catch us before we left.  You forgot to give me back my watch, he says to Jerry.  Oh, I thought you gave it to me.  No, that was just to prove a point in my message!  So Jer gave it back!  Again, we laughed all the way home picturing his face!!  (Jer insists he was going to give it back anyway!)

[rbn]

gmik,

I had a similar experience. After the alter call at the church I attended the ushers take you into a prayer room. They inform you that since you have accepted Jesus as you Lord and Savior you have the gifts of the Holy Spirit and can speak in tongues. I had a guy put his hand on the back of my neck and the other on my stomach and tried to get me to speak in tongues. This guy pressed against my neck and stomach like I'm supposed to spit words out of my mouth. The new-bee Christian standing next to me gives me a look of bewilderment. I thought I wasn't going to do something I was uncomfortable and utter what I heard the others do so I began to hum bass guitar riffs with my mouth. I used to play the bass guitar. After several hums the tongue speaking session was over. The guy tells me, "You didn't allow the Spirit to give you utterance. But hey! You spoke through song!"

rbn

[rbn]

Marlene,

Don't feel ill about the past. Even Ray tells us he got duped. If we didn't go through these error prone moments in our lives then how can this scripture be fufilled?

John 16:13
"But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth."

Be happy!
rbn

[Ninny]

Hahaha!! I am cracking up!!! that reminds me of the time I saw the pink haired lady on TBN telling how to "speak your heavenly language" huh?  I thought oh well, I thought when we prayed THAT was our heavenly language!! hehe!
Oh, NO! She said we just, you know.. make some sounds.. and at first it will seem awkward...ya THINK!!?? then after awhile the "Spirit" will take over and you will be speaking your heavenly language...Pshaw!!!    I'd rather drink Musicman's koolaid!!! 
Kathy

[rbn]

Thank God when Jesus arrives he will on a white horse, not in a stretch limo.   

rbn

[Ninny]

You got that right!! Woo-Hoo!!
Kathy

[judith collier]

I have had the experience of speaking in tongues but really did not believe it was other than me. But, I did notice something, while I was carrying on my understanding of what was bothering me came to light. I think it is the distraction and the mind is at ease and thoughts come up easily without searching for them. I remember being surprised at what I was praying about not knowing these things were bothering me but in reality they were. Can't really do a better job of explaining it.

[rbn]

Judy,

Tongues was the norm at the church I attended. They claimed to be nondenominational. They preached every other denomination had wrong doctrine except and of course themselves and their own posse members.

Even after my bizarre intro to tongues in the prayer room. Weeks later I attempted speaking in tongues once. What happen next scared me. I got a nasty headache. I called a friend and told him what happened. He told me what I did was not scriptural truth. After that I decided to read the bible and test the preachers truthfulness. I'm glad I did read. The Day of Pentecost says it very clearly. It was a divine gift from God. Not this mambo-jumbo stuff that is heard in Babylon.

I'm sure you heard the term used, "I'm on fire for the Lord?" Its a slogan in reference to being excited, energized, willing to do anything. Unfortunately, we get caught up in false doctrines and hearsay along the way when we believe everything we hear and do most things we see.

What amazes me is this awesome God of ours. The creator of the universe and all things. God created languages. Languages are learned. Do you really believe God understands what the tongue speaking multitude are saying?

I do not.

[Dave in Tenn]

Of course God 'understands' all that babble.  He knows our deepest heart and the motive thereof.  There's nothing in the universe that's hidden from Him and nothing that won't be revealed.  Worship isn't about this mountain being right, and that mountain being wrong.  Worship isn't about all mountains being OK.  Worship isn't about mountains at all.  

Those who worship Him MUST worship Him in Spirit and in Truth.  Whatever falls short of that can only be one of two things:  1.  Worship of something OTHER than God or 2.  Not worship at all.  I have been guilty of both and both are still in my flesh.  

Rev 18:4  And I heard another voice out of the heaven, saying, `Come forth out of her, My people, that ye may not partake with her sins, and that ye may not receive of her plagues...

 
  

[rbn]

Of course God 'understands' all that babble.  He knows our deepest heart and the motive thereof.

Dave,

bab⋅ble
/ˈbæbəl/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [bab-uhl] Show IPA verb, -bled, -bling, noun
Use babble in a Sentence
–verb (used without object)
1.    to utter sounds or words imperfectly, indistinctly, or without meaning.
2.    to talk idly, irrationally, excessively, or foolishly; chatter or prattle.
3.    to make a continuous, murmuring sound.
–verb (used with object)
4.    to utter in an incoherent, foolish, or meaningless fashion.
5.    to reveal foolishly or thoughtlessly: to babble a secret.

"Ra-ta-ta-ta. Lombada-corrumba-ga-ta-pa-ta......."
God understands this babble I just wrote? And if I were to say that with my mouth as speaking in the Christendom tongues he will know my deepest heart and motive?

This is Lighthearted Banter Out of Babylon.

[Dave in Tenn]

Well...if it's just light-hearted, I won't preach any more.   

On with the banter.   

[bluzman]

Dave, I liked your post though, a lot of truth there.
On the lighter side I wonder;
If someone jumped out of a plane at 10gs, pulled the rip cord and it didn't open, candlesticked so to speak,
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJJJJJJJJJJAAAAAAAA,
then it popped open at say 500 feet and he made it down safely. I wonder in giving thanks, would he babble,sob or just kiss the ground?
Bluzman

[rbn]