Hi Carol,
Well it's kind of a mixture of being glad to see you back and sadness to hear what you have been going through. I remember my years of confusion before coming to BT. First I was in WWCOG in the era of Herbert Armstrong and I thought at the time that they were God's remnant/Elect. I left that church sorely disappointed and yes confused. I began to question whether it was possible to know the "truth." But I thinking in order to worship God I needed to be in church, so I went to the church of my childhood, which was a Baptist. I thought I could hang on to a few things that I understood to be truth and worship there. But actually after hearing their rhetoric for years I began to lose the few beliefs I had and was really becoming mixed up. Though I could not buy into a lot of what they taught, I was so confused and I was loosing hope in ever finding 'truth.' Yes this 'truth' seemed more elusive than ever. But I still believed there was one absolute truth, I just didn't think it was obtainable here on earth. I was getting worn down by the things happening in this Christian 'sanctuary.' I was unhappy, my 3 girls that was raised in the church were unhappy, it really was a mess. It was then that God released me from this prison of confusion, by bringing me to the BT site. As soon as I began reading I knew and felt assured that finally I was being shown the truth. I really think that my pass experiences of wondering for so many years in darkness has helped me have confidence that this is the truth. I can't help but think we need that experience in darkness before we can really appreciate the light and He will bring us to the truth.
Another thing you mentioned was the horrid thing that happened to that little baby. Why would God not only allow, but be responsible for this type thing to happen? And we have news reports of awful and disturbing things that one human being is capable of doing to another human being quite a bit. I really think that we have always had these disturbing and wicked things going on from the beginning of the time man has been on the earth. It really puts into perspective this verse.
Gen 6:5 Then the LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.
But why did God make us this way, so evil and wretched? I think there will be no end to the wickedness that man is capable of until this age ends and Christ returns. Right now it's hard to comprehend how His plan and purpose could possibly compensate for all of the things that are happening in this world now. Well I believe that we simply do not have enough understanding or insight into the next part of God's plan yet. But I am confident that He will indeed right every wrong, I don't know how, but I know He does not lie and we have this Scripture that gives us that assurance.
Rev 21:4 And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."
So now I live with a kind of resolve that things are as they need to be now and His purpose is for the ultimate good, so He will rectify all things, even for those who suffer in ways that's hard to understand now. We have to remember that Jesus Christ truly does sympathize with what we are going through.
Heb 4:15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.
It really is amazing to me that Jesus Christ having seen for centuries what human being were capable of, yet put aside His glory and came down (way down) into the form of a man. This He did because He loves us so much that in order for their plan to bring us into glory, He was willing to be a sacrifice Himself. This does help us put things into perspective.
Php 2:5 Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus,
v. 6 who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God,
v. 7 but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men.
v. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.
We all care for you Carol and are praying that God will bring you through these trials into a strong and confident understanding of who He is and that you can rest assured that His plan is perfect.
mercy, peace and love
Kat