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Keeping my lamplight to myself. (Rather trivial but...)

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Astrapho:
I seem to be doing exactly that.

Okay basically I'm the type who avoids confrontation whenever possible. Especially about religious belief. So ever since coming to bible-truths, maybe I've dropped my two cents in some places on the internet on the whole hell thing, but that's about the whole extent of my... Light sharing. (I think that's because I'm afraid I'll get pummeled to death by the christians if I tried.)

I've been on this truth trip for about... WOW HALF A YEAR (  :-[ )and I still can't stand up for my beliefs when it comes to it. I mean when I hear something false about God said by my catholic friends and teachers as advice to me, I'll think to myself, "THAZ NOT TRUE!!!", but I won't say it, I'll just nod and go, "Oh, yeah you're right." I can probably talk exhaustively about why I don't believe in free will, right now. But when it comes to actually telling people, I'll be like... "Oh, no, I totally believe in free will." So no matter how much I want to say, "THAZ NOT TRUE", I, invariably, never do. (And tell lies as a result)

I don't even dare to share the light with my best friends. Ok I tried with my friends, a little bit. And they're like, "Oh my gosh go get a life, don't read up too much on this crazy God stuff or you'll become one of those crazies." And maybe they're right, maybe I'm just too young to handle any of this and that's all there is to it. But I really hope that's not the case because I really want to learn... Well, more truth.

I'm sorry for taking up all your time for my little personal problem, but... Seriously, I'm sick of leading a double life but I find that I can't kick it. I've prayed about it. I'm still hiding my lamp underneath the bowl and that can't be good.

Need some good ol' advice from the more wise and matured members around here. ;-;

P.S. I was hesitant to post any of this because I think that this problem is trivial and can be solved by simply waiting. But after going through two days of camping with Catholics and having them feed me their crazy doctrine non-stop, I've decided that I'm absolutely sick of leading a double life and that I need help. Because I haven't been very successful on my own.

P.S.S. (just a thought, but while typing the above I felt rather silly because God planned everything already anyway, we can't do anything without Him etc. etc. and I know it... Just a thought.)

EDIT: LOL I was contemplating not posting this altogether and was about to leave the page, when I hit the enter button by accident and the whole thing posted, so... Okay I guess I'll leave it.

arion:
Ray's biblestudy audio on foundational truths will be of immense help to you here;

http://bible-truths.com/audio/Bible%20Study%2002-03-08.mp3

He gives a small number of scriptures that you can use to confound the mighty.

For me, I used to like to debate the Word of God and I still need to be careful about that.  If you go into it with the wrong attitude God won't bless you in the process.  However as I was humbled into coming into the knowledge of these truths and the reality that I didn't know nearly as much as I thought I did I too just shut my mouth and began to learn.  Over time I believe as you grow in these truths you will be able to defend them appropriately.  Just remember that God has to open other peoples hearts or they won't see these truths....the same as when you first began to believe them.  What I usually do now is to present some snippets of the truth on the various internet forums with a link back to the website.  We bait the hook and then it's up to God whether or not the fish take the bait.

Ninny:
Hey, there Astrapho!
Don't get discouraged, because you're right, it will all turn out because God has it all planned out!! You're in a place where you are still subjected to parental and school authority..the one thing to remember is when it's possible hold your tongue..never let anyone tell you to go against what you know to be right, though..

Let people believe what they want to..don't try to change anyone and just be ready to give an answer for the way you believe..mostly your friends really probably don't much care if they love you for who you are! share when you can..in a sweet spirit..you'll be out there in the world of reality soon enough..
The scriptures tell us..
Rom 12:2 "and not to be configured to this eon, but to be transformed by the renewing of your mind, for you to be testing what is the will of God, good and well pleasing and perfect."

the King James puts it...."Be not conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind"

Keep your mind and your heart on the Lord don't let anyone change  you or try to make you conform..
just let God transform you into the person He wants you to be and that is just the best advice I can give you...it works for me!!!

Don't be discouraged and let God work in you His work of perfection and when the time is right you will be able to stand strong and hold to what you know against anything you face! :D I'm not minimizing what you're going through because of your age, I hope you don't feel like I am..I'm just saying to hang in there and let God bring you to the place you desire! He planted those desires in you!!!  :D
Stay sweet!!
Kathy ;)

Astrapho:
Thanks for the replies!

My problem lies more in real life, actually. In school, when christians try to preach to me and everything and they spout all their crazy doctrine, I agree with all of them. And that's what kills me, I don't dare to answer against them or even say anything that implies, "I think thaz not right...". So one group of them insisted on dragging me to their church next week after a lot of preaching and persuading, and guess what, I was on the verge of challenging what she said and saying, "THAZ NOT TRUE BECAUSE ____ SAYS THIS" when "Ok, right" came out of my mouth. So now I'm stuck with going to a pentecostal church because of my cowardly cowardice!  :'(

@Ninny: No, not at all. :D Thanks for the encouragement. I've been looking at it really gloomily so at least that's some sunshine. ;D

As for the debate thing, I had that problem at first too, got pretty excited after learning all the truths! Thankfully, I also had my computer mysteriously jamming on me right before I post challenges to internet christians so my attempts to debate never came to fruition. Over time I took the hint (that's way too many coincidences) and stopped attempting to debate and just learn my stuff first. Thank God!! (Haha, sorry, irrelevant detail, I know, but I thought that it was rather funny.)

Thanks for the link, almost forgot about that one! Since my speakers are busted I'm gonna be scooting off to read the transcript now.  :)

(Forgive me for the long reply, again D; )

Roy Martin:
Hello Astrapho,
 Your personality is what people think you are, but your character is what you really are. Your personality is all that is standing in your way. There is not one thing wrong about disagreeing with something you know is wrong, or saying what you believe in. You don't have to explain it; although its better if you can. Why should you care if someone thinks your crazy or wrong in your belief? I feel that I'm not doing something right if disbelievers don't think I'm crazy, or out there in the zone, or think I'm wrong for believing what I believe.  Character is good. Personality is just excess baggage that weighs you down.Say what you feel and believe. Just don't argue it.
 Personality's are just another one of those idols of the heart that says don't go there because of what they might think.
  Be blessed.

Peace
Roy

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