Hi Lupac,
You have to start somewhere in your quest for understanding and God has brought you here, that you might find the truth and peace. Right now you are in church with your parents and I'm sure you have heard your fair share of sermon designed to install the fear of hell in you, that's what the church does. You have been indoctrinated, that's what hearing all those sermons does. It is going to take a lot of effort on your part to undo all the falsehoods you have been taught. It's all of God, but it does require effort on our part.
Php 2:12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence,
work out your own salvation with fear and trembling;
You have to do it, but most important of all is HOW we are able to do it.
v. 13
for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.
Here is an excerpt from the article 'THE ORIGIN OF ENDLESS PUNISHMENT.'
http://bible-truths.com/lake16-C.html --------------------------------------
Most theologians are clearly deceived, however, not all are ignorant. Many theologians know at least some of the material I am presenting to you. But they don’t want you to know or understand any of it. It has been the purpose of the ruling privileged elite to keep the masses at bay by evil indoctrinations, deceptions, and gross fear.
v
There are countless Historians who have clearly come to see the fraudulent origins of most of today’s religious doctrines (Christianity first and foremost).
And it is EGYPT that is the originator of these gross and evil doctrines of eternal torture after death of the souls which supposedly cannot die.
v
The whole thing is designed for effect, to influence the multitude, to restrain their passions, and to aid the magistrate and ruler in keeping them subject to authority. It is the invention of priests and lawmakers, who take this as the easiest method of governing the people. They claim the "right divine" to govern; claim that their laws originate with the gods, as we have shown above; and that, therefore, the gods will visit on all offenders the terrors and tortures of the damned. Hence, through the joint cunning of priest and legislator, of church and state, mutually supporting each the other, we have all the stupendous frauds and falsehoods respecting the invisible world."
v
"My people have been lost sheep: THEIR SHEPHERDS HAVE CAUSED THEM TO GO ASTRAY…" (Jer. 50:6).
"The prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests bear rule by their means and My people LOVE TO HAVE IT SO…" (Jer. 5:31).
Unbelievable… UNBELIEVABLE. I watch ministers on television use, and abuse, and accuse their congregations, over and over again. And do they get up and walk out? NO… they APPLAUD That’s right, they applaud the abuse of their ministers. "The priests bear rule by their means [by their forced coercion], and they LOVE TO HAVE IT SO…"
v
It means that virtually everything about Christendom—from its name ‘Church,’ to the architecture of their buildings, to the origin of their holy days and doctrines, is all straight out of heathenism, of which God Almighty declares:
"LEARN NOT THE WAY OF THE HEATHEN… inquire NOT after their gods, saying, How did these nations serve their gods? Even so WILL I DO LIKEWISE" (Jer. 10:2 & Deut. 12:30).
All Christian doctrines that are not out of paganism are nonetheless, unscriptural.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I put this here from Ray's article so that maybe you can begin to see where all your fear is coming from, the church. If you must continue to attend, understand what you are being taught and refuse to be lead astray any longer.
Rom. 10:17 Now faith comes from hearing, and hearing by THE WORD OF GOD.
It is imperative to keep reading in God's Word on a daily bases, prove ALL things (1Th 5:21). All truths must have a second witness in the Scripture and there are no contradictions in the Scriptures. Studying the articles BT will give you a lot of valuable information, Ray has done countless hours of research to put these articles together.
But as Marques was saying, remember that the faith you need so badly, is only received as "A GIFT FROM GOD" (Eph. 2:8-10). So pray for God to grant you faith. I will be praying for you also.
mercy, peace and love
Kat