Hello lupac,
Do you mind me asking why you continue to look at the lies that provoke fear?
I'm going to say something that I would tell my own son, and it will be said in love and understanding and empathy. We could keep telling you things, quoting scriptures,and suggesting that you read all of Rays teachings and you'll get a quick fix, I don't know, but I do know that your fear is between you and God. We can't take it away for you.
My wife has gone through a fear thing and she kept turning to me to comfort her, and I did for awhile until I saw that it was doing no good. I finally told her to stop coming to me and turn to God because its a spiritual battle that only God knows what, where, and how to overcome. Guess what? It worked, and she has become much stronger than before. She has more faith, less fear. You have to turn to God, a Father that is loving and kind and forgiving; not a god of torture and torment. It sounds like you want to believe the lies, and not the truth or believe that God is love. I could sugar coat things for you, but that wouldn't be honest. I'll do all I can to comfort you or lift you up, but the time will come that God will make it between you and Him. All and I mean all is of God.
You are in my prayers.
Peace
Roy