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Silvia Martin:
I'm going through the same thing right now. God is bringing me to my knees.He wants me to completely surrender to him. Sometimes I'm able to do for a short period of time. But when it gets to scary, all I do is wimp out and beg for mercy.I tell him I love him and want to follow him wholeheartedly, but when it gets tough,I fall apart.I pray to god all the time: please don't let me be fake. I don't want to pretend to be strong. Well let me tell you, god is not fooled by this one bit. The biggest thing I'm tormented about is, when it comes down to it, would I die for Jesus. I want to in my heart, so I just pray, if it ever comes to that, that god will give me the strength to do so.     
WOW, some thing just came to me. Jesus is asking me to die for him(spiritually, not physically).
Even though I feel like I've been through " HELL" and back and died a thousand deaths. It's been going on for so long, that I question myself. What am i doing wrong, why don't I get what god is trying to teach me.But then he reminds me, that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.I know on day in his own time,he will pick me up off my knees and make me stand tall and strong.What an awesome testimony that will be.I believe he is doing the same work in you. 

jingle52:
Hi Oatmeal,
I'm new to this forum and love the way you have been given encouragement. Yes, we are all weak and that is why our faith through grace will see us through our doubts and fears. When I thought that the world was crashing down on me, I thanked the Lord for the beautiful skies and sunny days he sent us, I thanked Him for the birds chatting in our courtyard (I live in the city) and the beautiful flowers I enjoyed looking at on my balcony, I thanked Him for the roof over my head and oh for soooo many other things that He has granted me... I asked Him to open up my heart and to make me a better person. The Lord God Almighty is always listening to us and if we just praise His name and appreciate the things he has given us, than we will see how lucky we are to have even been given the gift of believing on Him. This is something we learn by going to church and growing up knowing that there is a God above! Life with all its problems leads us away from God, but then, when He is ready for us, He calls us and guides us to where He wants us to be. We were all guided here on Rays website and to this wonderful body of people helping each other in time of need and doubt. Life is full of ups and downs and sometimes we cry and cry when it gets toooo much, but without even realising it, we always come away much stronger than before!

Sandy:

--- Quote from: Silvia Martin on January 03, 2010, 12:25:15 PM --- The biggest thing I'm tormented about is, when it comes down to it, would I die for Jesus. I want to in my heart, so I just pray, if it ever comes to that, that god will give me the strength to do so.     

--- End quote ---


Hope I do this right......Silvia, the wonderful great news is that we dont have to worry about this because if called to do so, it will be God in us doing it, not us. So, if that is what God has planned for you, He will see you through it. Matthew 10:16-20 comes to mind
"Mat 10:16  Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves.
Mat 10:17  But beware of men, for they will deliver you up to the sanhedrins, and they will scourge you in their synagogues.
Mat 10:18  And you shall be brought before governors and kings for My sake, for a testimony against them and the nations.
Mat 10:19  But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what you shall speak; for it shall be given you in that same hour what you shall speak.
Mat 10:20  For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you.

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