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Forgiveness

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arion:

--- Quote from: EKnight on January 09, 2010, 01:52:47 PM --- I will not be able to stand my ground and make this person accountable for what he does or fails to do, if I forgive this egregious act once again. 
--- End quote ---

I think that one can 'forgive them' and yet hold their feet to the fire for what they have done.  I think the world calls it tough love.  The greater love perhaps, is not allowing him off the hook for what he has done but for his own good to hold him accountable.  If that is your aim then it's for the greater good in the long run.  I think as long as what he has done isn't allowed to fester within you because then it's hurting you.

May God give you wisdom in dealing with this situation.

aqrinc:

--- Quote from: EKnight on January 09, 2010, 01:52:47 PM ---I have been merciful, I have forgiven and I'm tired and angry.  Each time I forgive, it softens me and thereby allows this person to attack me over and over again.  I will not be able to stand my ground and make this person accountable for what he does or fails to do, if I forgive this egregious act once again.  When I forgive, I forget or sweep it under the rug only to have if resurface again when I say something this person does not want to hear. This is not doing either of us any good.  However, if I keep this offense fresh in my mind, if I picture his angry face in mine screaming obscenities at me, I will not let my guard down and I can stand firm against his evil heart!  

How can I get past this?  I'm not sure I want to for the reasons stated above.

Eileen

--- End quote ---

The ability to hold many disparate (separate) thoughts and act on all, or any, at the same time, is a capacity we either have developed, or are developing; through this Experience of Evil (Ecc 1:13).

Ray has said it correctly, we can Agapeo everyone while only Phileo those that Phileo us. The Scripture below, is to me, an illustration of how we put into practice head knowledge daily.

Mat 10:16  
Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.

george.

Marlene:
Eileen, I agree with Marques, that some space from him would help. I don't know , if you remember when I had a neighbor who was very difficult to deal with. She felt like she should know all our business. I cannot tell you how many times she attacked me for no reason at all. I don't know if it is a family member you are dealing with or a neighbor or how it is. But, I had to take time away from her. I told her that it was not good for either of us.  I did forgive her and we were able to set down and talk. I told her that God would rather us stay our distance and just say Hello. There are some natures that will not give you peace. This is not good for either of you. Instead of calling me every day she calls me once in a while. We, do not talk about personal things.

My Husband still cuts her grass and shovels her snow. But, thinking that she can be included in everything we do has stopped.

I gave myself space from her till we were able to discuss things. I really, wanted to talk to her without any anger. When, we did talk I called her and I told her a verse from the Bible that God led me to. I cannot tell you how many times I forgave her. I never regret forgiving. But , she had taken my peace from me and I had health problems, plus I had family members.

Romans Chapter 12 verse 18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. When, I called her I told her that I forgave her, but all that I want is to live in peace. If, we could not do that God would not want us together . This gave neither one of us peace.  So, I gave her that scripture.
She told me she wants to live in peace. Well, that is how we live now. God has even given her a male friend to have fun with. I am happy for her. We talk about once a week now.

God worked this problem out.

Space is good, cause I would hate to get angy and say things that were not right.  That, gives us time to control our emotions.
I hope this all works out for you Eileen.

In His Love,
Marlene

EKnight:
There is a lot here to think about and I have been thinking.  I go to this psychology site and I just love this guy because he seems to have a grasp on human nature and he is christian, albeit orthodox but he is at least coming from a somewhat scriptural point of view.  Anyway, he has a whole paper on forgiveness and essentially says that forgiveness is a gift we give someone and should not be confused with reconciliation. After all, even the bible says there must be repentance before there can be reconciliation.

He defines forgiveness as:

                   To forgive is simply to stop wishing for revenge or to stop wanting to see the other person suffer in some way. But forgiveness is not blind. Because trust has been violated you cannot just forget what happened or else the same thing might happen again. There’s a saying that unless we remember history we will be condemned to repeat it. So let’s face it—even though you might forgive a person who has betrayed your trust, your trust in that person has been crushed.

But he also says that you must first fully feel the hurt or pain that the person caused you before you can give this gift of forgiveness.  Otherwise, it might just be repressed and then fester and that is not healthy.

So right now I am going to let the hurt do it's thing and then I will forgive but I just won't be going out of my way to make this person happy.  BTW, it is my son who lives here (he is 24) and he said some wretched things to me and about me.  What hurts is that I may not have been the best mother to him but I certainly have not been the worst and I don't believe I have done anything that warranted his attack on me.  I mean what evil mother would allow herself to be verbally attacked (and I mean words no woman should ever have to hear), and still allow her child to continue to live in her house, eat her food and use her car?!! 

So this is where I am at right now.  I appreciate all of your replies.  Thank you.

Eileen

Deborah-Leigh:
Hello Eileen

I hope this comforts you. No one can change until by the Goodness of God, we repent. Until then, we just go on making mistake after mistake until we are delivered from the bondage to sin.

In your circumstance, perhaps you are being trained in Patience that shall have its perfect work in you.  :)

Jas 1:4  But let patience have its perfect work, so that you may be perfect and entire, lacking nothing.

Compare the focus in Rays teaching from the Repentance Bible Study. quote...

We sin, God forgives it.
We repent, God removes it.

That’s the way it’s done and it will be done that way with every human being.

All have sinned.
God has forgiven all.
All will repent.
And all sin will be removed.

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