Heidi,
My heart breaks for all of you. My husband and the father of my children hanged himself 34 years ago when my children were toddlers. It was harder than I could have imagined hard could be. The grief felt unbearable.
Now looking back what I remember most is how God brought me through it all. I can see him dragging me through such terrible circumstances. He was holding my hand the whole way and never let me go. I remember his love even though the chastening was so severe.
When I found BT I read something from Ray that brought me comfort. I post it with tears flowing for you.
http://bible-truths.com/lake15-D.htmlTIS TRUE: OUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED
Continuing in Ecc. 3:2:
"A time [an 'APPOINTED time'] to be born, and a time [an 'APPOINTED time] to die..."
The whole point of Ecclesiastes chapter three is not that people are born and die, or that people plant and harvest, or that people war and make peace, or that people weep and laugh, but rather that there is "an APPOINTED TIME" for all these things to happen—an appointed time appointed BY GOD.
This is not a new idea, or a new revelation. This truth has been preserved in chapter three of Ecclesiastes for a couple of thousand years. But how many Christians believe it?
Job understood under inspiration of God's Spirit that:
"...the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away..." (Job
1:21). Contrary to a letter I received from Dr. Frederick Price, who said that this verse in Job "is Scripture all right, but it just isn't true." Well far be it from me to argue the validity of the Scriptures with a carnal mind, but nonetheless, this verse of Scripture is true. It is always God Who gives and God Who takes away, even though He uses other agents such as Satan to carry out and accomplish His perfect and flawless will.
God gives life and God takes life away. Most Christians would concede that human birth is indeed a miracle. But how many would concede that even death is a miracle? But it is. Birth and death are not things that "just happen" anymore than anything in the whole universe "just happens." God is the cause for everything:
"In Whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of Him Who works ALL THINGS after the counsel of His Own will" (Eph. 1:11).
"For OF HIM, and THROUGH HIM, and TO HIM, are ALL THINGS..." (Rom. 11:36).
Is there any real difference in saying that God "gives life" or that God "causes a baby to be born?" Is there any real difference in saying that God "takes away life" or that God "causes us to die?" When it comes to death, we prefer euphemisms. We don't like to hear that "our Mother is DEAD!" We prefer to say that "Mother passed away." We don't want to be so honest or brutal as to say "God KILLED my son" but rather "God took my son." But the use of mellower-sounding euphemisms does not negate the fact that God appointed a time for us to be BORN, and He also has appointed a time when we must DIE.
Our will cannot change any of God’s "appointed events" or His "appointed times" in which each event must occur. You might think that you can. You might suggest that you will commit suicide and shorten your life. How silly—how totally unscriptural. No one can commit suicide unless and until the "appointed time" that God has foreordained that you commit suicide, if indeed God has ordained such a thing for you.
"There is no man that has power over the spirit to retain the spirit; neither has he power in [Heb: authority over’] the day of death..." (Ecc. 8:8 ).
Is this verse too difficult for anyone to understand? The Scriptures are clear:
"...the Spirit gives life" (II Cor. 3:6).
"His breath [Heb: ruach, ‘spirit’] goes forth, he returns to his earth; I that very day his thoughts perish" (Psalm 146:4).
One cannot continue to live without spirit.
"Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it" (Ecc. 12:7).
And God says that
"NO MAN has power over the spirit."
The implications of this verse go far beyond mere suicide. This verse also confirms that no one can kill or murder another person until the "appointed time" set by God. No soldier or civilian has ever died even in war except at the "appointed time."
There is probably not a person alive who has not wondered just exactly when he might die? We saw from Ecc. 1:2 that there is an appointed time "...to DIE." And Ecc. 8:8 tells us that
"...no man has power over the spirit to retain it [when God takes our spirit, we die, Ecc. 12:7]; neither has he power over the day of [his] death..."
But there’s more:
"Behold that which I have seen: it is good and comely for one to eat and to drink, and to enjoy the good of all his labor that he takes under the sun all the days of his life, which God gives him: for it is his portion." (Ecc. 5:18).
This is not exactly what the Hebrew manuscripts say. Here is what it should read: "...during the NUMBER of days in his life…" The word for "all" as in "all the days of his life," is the Hebrew word, mispar, and its first definition is "NUMBER." Man’s days are "NUMBERED." And God only knows the number.
Here’s another one:
"Seeing his days are determined, the number of his months are with Thee, You have appointed his bounds that he cannot pass" (Job 14:5).
The word "determined" comes from the Hebrew charats and means "to point sharply." Here we are told that man’s "months" are determined to a precise sharp point in time. There will be no variation in time as to when we must die.
Not only is our precise time of death appointed, but also our resurrection:
"If a man die, shall he live again? All the days of my APPOINTED TIME will I wait [in the grave] till my change [resurrection] come" (Job 14:14).
Another:
"Is there not an APPOINTED TIME to man upon earth? Are not his DAYS also like the days of an hireling? (Job 7:1).
Everyone who has ever been born or will yet be born has been appointed by God to be born at that time and season according the purpose of His will. And likewise, everyone who has died or will yet die has been appointed by God to die at that time and season according to the purpose of His will. It just is not possible to alter or change anything in the purpose and intention of a sovereign God. So once more, "free will" is out the window.