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Oatmeal:
It appears that some things in my past (childhood) are affecting me very severely in the present.  I look older than I am (in some people’s opinion) and I have a fear that resides deep within.  I did have a memory (that appeared to be accurate) that returned 15 years ago or so and it was of something quite horrible, when I was 4 years old (and I don’t know where I get the 4 from, it just seems to be accurate) someone used my mouth for what a man would normally use a woman for, I hope you know what I mean.  There is other stuff that I can’t remember, and I only know that because sometimes I have shaking (trembling) in my stomach area – my emotions WON’T let be remember.  I am shaking as I write this.  The problem is, I think, that I feel TREMENDOUSLY guilty about something, but I can’t remember why.  I have been advised just to continue and God will deal with it but I just want SO MUCH TO BE FREE, and FREE NOW.

Would you please pray for me?  I am making a serious request.  Seriously, if my memory came back and it destroyed me I would rather be destroyed than not remember.

Dave in Tenn:
Oatmeal, I know only that the Lord has not given us a Spirit of fear, but of a sound mind.  This is His ultimate will for you.

I have absolutely no idea what is true about your memories and wouldn't dare venture a guess.  But I do know that our memories are subject to revision, especially if one is involved with 'talking' them up.  I don't say this for any reason other than to encourage you to lean entirely on the truths of God, no matter what did or did not happen in your past.  Healing and forgiveness are part of His ultimate salvation. 

I have no idea what to pray for you specifically, but I've learned that is not always a bad thing.  Paul often prayed grace and peace.  That sounds like a needful request for you.

Linny:
Hi Oatmeal, I am so sorry for your current trial. I worked with abused children in a hospital for a while and what you describe is common with them if the abuse happened pre-memory. I know for me, my earliest memory is at age 5.
I will be praying for peace in your heart.
Lin

Ellie:
Hi Oatmeal,I,m sure that God IS dealing with this situation. If you strain to remember perhaps you will undo what could be a healing  from God.Does not he too have the ability to forget our sins?
What power did you have at the tender age of four?From an adult awareness we can visit on ourselves shame and guilt for something that ..we are accountable for...yes... but not responsible for....our memory at that age can be like a patchwork quilt. Focusing on remembering can subject ourselves to vain imaginings.Strive to put the past behind,keeping your mind on all that is good, pure, and beautiful and forgive.Praying for you...Ellie....

arion:

--- Quote --- I have been advised just to continue and God will deal with it but I just want SO MUCH TO BE FREE, and FREE NOW
--- End quote ---

I can certainly empathize with you as I too am severely emotionally scarred from childhood in a similar fashion and at 48 years old I am not yet free in this area.  But I am learning that God's work in you and me takes a lot of time in most cases.  We have need of patience.  No amount of skull jockeying which is the only thing the world has to offer can bring healing.  The memories of early childhood can be faulty and can be manipulated by ones who are skilled in this area.  Regardless of what happened God was there at the time and it happened for a reason.  It comes down to trust.  We have to trust that God loves us unconditionally, that he is doing a deep work in us which he will accomplish in His time and in His way, not ours.  What I pray for you is not freedom, but trust and patience.  The freedom will come for you as it will for me but only after God's will is worked out in and through us. 

Blessings,

Doug

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