Hi Lauriellen and Deborah,
Thank you for your Testimonies. Sometimes it's hard to explain our lives in testimony and what we have been through. Some people can easily, like you Deborah, who can explain in their own words what they have experienced in their walk with the Lord. I admire that. What I do most of the time, is show by the scriptures what kind of life I've had. In this post I will use my own words to show what I have been through. Believe me this will be brief.
To quickly tell you what has happened in my life, this is it: At the beginning of my walk I had everything, wine woman and song was my daily food. After five years of Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll, all of a sudden I lost everything, first the girlfriend, then the car, the new coach of the footy team told me to leave, then my job, the loss of my father which happened when I was younger also weighed me down at that time. Then to top it all off I had a Schizophrenic breakdown. I was in hospital for three and a half months. No one visited me in all that time, except my immediate family, not even the Paster of our church, my friends deserted me, I felt God had too. After I came out of hospital I had had enough. To get out of hospital, I basically had to deny the Lord, I wondered why they were keeping me in their. I had been telling the Doctor that the Lord had told me some things and I would always try and explain these things to him. When I had said maybe the Lord didn't speak to me, a day later they reduced my Medication, it made me see some light, but later I tried to explain again what the Lord was telling me. What a mistake, the Medication went up again. It depressed me, but I soon realised if I didn't mention the Lord at all, even though they questioned me about him, my Medication quickly came down and I was out of there within the next three weeks. I think the Doctors marvelled at my silence. For the next two or more years I was so depressed, I didn't want to see anybody, I laid in bed all day and all night, usually sleepless, sleeping rarely and only getting up for dinner. That was my lot.
For the next ten years I was in and out of work, in and out of Churches, in and out of friendships, on and off the Pension, in and out of hospital, in and out of debt. The struggle was to much to bear. I was living with some friends, I got ill and they kicked me out. I thourght I was going to be homeless, but my mother came to my rescue and allowed me to stay in her home. So I decided enough was enough and did not try to look for a job again and went on the Pension for good.
My mother brought home a little puppy one day and it was my constant companion for fifteen years, it used to be at the window when I came home, always to greet me, it would climb up my leg to get to my face and lick me. In those fifteen years I laid in bed a lot. Most of the time I would sit in my room and smoke, drink coffee and dream of riches. I was a very heavy smoker. At night I would go tenpin bowling and from this made many friends. I have actually bowled two 300 games. By the way I overcame the habit of smoking and gave it up. I used to smoke up to a hundred cigarettes a day. I had my first cigarette when I was seven years old. I've been off cigarettes for well over ten years now.
You might think that I forgot about God. No Way. I had been through so much with the Lord that I could not let go, he wouldn't let me. I remained faithful.
After my dog was put down, we had to, I was devastated. To me the dog showed more love to me than any human. But I also knew that God loved me very much because he afflicted me constantly throughout my life. It was a revelation, a knowing, even though it was tough.
Then the Lord told me to leave my mother's home and move in with this Christian older couple. The Lord set me down amongst the wolves. This couple had a church going in their home every friday night. They had constant prayer going, speaking in tongues, deliverance from demons, healing's, singing songs, they had the lot. Then they decided to take control and become a real church and start collecting tithes. They required that everyone living their had to attend this church or they would be booted out. I got booted out. I had nowhere to go, again I thourght I was going to be homeless. The Lord has always rescued me, a friend who was part of this group took me in and had built for me a large room at the back of his double garage. I lived their for seven years. The double garage soon became a two bedroom unit and another friend moved in with me.
This friend and I became very close and we attended this small church in the hills and met many good people. I went to the Pastors Cell group. We became very friendly and played golf together as well as tenpin bowling. I became prominent in the church. I would go to the prayer meeting before church, I would read from the Psalms and the Prophets in church every morning and do intercessory prayer mid week. My joy was full. Little did I realise that I was building my house on sand.
I eventually I went off my Medication at this time because I was feeling really well and thourght I may have been healed but the Lord had other ideas. One night I didn't sleep at all and was talking to the Lord the whole night. He said Geoff, amongst telling me a lot of other things, are you willing to go into hospital for me. I said yes. Well that week I did, some things happened and they took me to hospital. The first night I was in their I slept like a baby. I did exactly what they said and took the Medication. I preached the Gospel. Many were called by the Lord in those two and half weeks I was their. Its funny but the Doctor and nurses thourght I was normal. I heard some of them wondering why I was their. They felt there was nothing wrong with me. But thats not the point. Again no one visited me from the church not even the Paster, although he rang me. My dear old mum was the only one who visited me, except my friend who brought in my clothes at my request. The Pastor told me later that it was too hard for him, he asked me to forgive him, which I did. My mother eventually died, only recently, God rest her soul. The one thing my mother said to me that always stayed with me. I asked her once why she didn't go to church anymore, she replied I would rather walk the green hills of a golf course than go to church. Amen to that if you know what I mean.
Well when I came out I felt great humiliation and going to church felt uncomfortable. Even though the Lord asked me to go into hospital for the purpose of preaching the Gospel, I believe this, I became very depressed and wanted to die. I thought the church was something wonderful, that idol was totally crushed. I got desperate, so I typed hell into google one night and low and behold Ray's website. What a revelation, what a blessing, all my questions and much more answered, I lost my faith that night but gained real faith, the faith of the Lord Jesus a faith born from deep suffering and endless sleepless nights. In tears all night some nights crying out to the Lord. It still goes on but now I have a sure foundation and the distress is a little bit easier. I would not wish this upon anybody. Being in a psychiatric ward of a public hospital is a very dark place and there are a lot of very sick people in there. A lot of Christians too I might add.
I now live on the Gold Coast in Queensland Australia. I am almost 2000 Kilometres away from where I used to live in Melbourne Victoria Australia. I am alone and live in a one room apartment (Sizeable room) which is self contained. All my family live in Victoria and I moved to Queensland at the direction of the Lord. I have never been married nor have the desire to. I have no kids. I have failed in almost everything I Have tried, the world would call me a loser and it doesn't bother me in the slightest because I know where I've been and where I'm going to. I have a couple of close friends and I tenpin bowl for relaxation. Tenpin Bowling is my outlet, it is something I am very good at and the Lord uses me to spread the Gospel and to be a light in these places. This forum is the only place I fellowship. Everywhere I go I try to set an example of Godly living. Its tough but it will be worth it in the end. I just look forward to and hope that the Lord will say to me one day, on that day, "well done thou good and faithful servant, enter into my rest".
Yours in Christ. Regards, Geoff.
P.S. This testimony has only touched the surface.
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Topic: Suffering And Hardship (Read 8179 times)