I need encouragement because I am angry...............

[joneseva67]

I am a mess.  My life is a mess. 

In 2006 I was blessed to find BibleTruths.com and I have printed every writing of Mr. Smith's since I first came across the website.  I wish I had a million dollars to give to the support of his teachings because I can never get enough of it.  Well, I don't have a home computer so I have to get on the website while at work.  I struggled dearly dealing with my life and my circumstances being presented to me, and I always knew I was different because I could never understand the lies of the preachers and always begging for money. Being raised in the synagogue, or else you would get a good old fashion "whipping", I wasn't receiving any anointing from being a bench member, choir munger or participating in other activities within the church.  I was lost and I mean lost.  I thought something was wrong with me mentally because I just didn't understand the teachings I received from the many pastors and I was miserable at an early age. 

But after discovering and rediscovering BibleTruths.com, I knew this is where God wanted and wants me to be:  with people who truly know what God expects from us and not with the illegal advantages "man" is taking of our Father.  Well, I am angry at myself, but more so at my weakness to man even now.  I cannot get away from the grips of the synagogue and their false teachings...........not because I don't want to, but I am the church secretary and I need the extra money being a single mom with very little income.  I hate driving on the grounds of the church and dealing with all the false people. 

I have been sexually harassed by the preachers, deacons, and other male members because I am a single mom, and apparently, I'm better looking than I thought(God bless their souls??)  I try to live a good life and teach my boys the right things to do and say when it comes to dealing with all the false people of the world.   But I can only do so much and my body, soul and mind are growing weak.  Weak to the point where I want to die some days.  I want to toss in my cards and say I give up all this earthly games and drama for a worry free life with God.  Am I crazy as well as lost?? 

Recently my kids father lost his job and he stop paying child support.  Not because he didn't have the money to continue to be a responsible person, but he always viewed what he saw outwardly about me and thought I was living successfully.  He felt no remorse when he cut me and his son off financially.  It has destroyed my bank account and maybe this is my fault because I shouldn't have depended on that income in the first place.  But I am trying to make it and I had to budget and manage the best way I knew how (which included child support) and now, I am  sinking but more in spirit each day because of the demands in my life. 

God has been my only strong hold through all my dealings and I must rely totally on Him because my family turned their backs on me when I was married to husband #2 who abused me physically, mentally and sexually, and they thought I could just walk away.  IT wasn't and is not easy and I give kudos to the many women who are facing abusive situations.  And they really have cut me off because I bought a home in a neighborhood that wasn't up to their standards.  But that doesn't matter any more.......or does it?

Giving my mind and soul to Christ is what I want, but I am fearful of the world and the things I still must do here to survive.  My insurance company, after 5 years cancelled my homeowner's insurance because I didn't meet my obligations, so they say. but not once did they never come out to check what I did and did not do nor try to understand why I couldn't do the work completely; they just cut me off and said "the end". 

I am stressed beyond belief and suffer from migraine headaches to the point of literally throwing up and suffering for 3 to 4 days from them.  I am sweating each day hoping my house does not burn down or blow away now with no coverage, and I am too broke to do anything more than what I have done to make my situation right.  But even in my prayers to God all day long, and my daily crying (literally all day long), it doesn't change the fact that I have to live in this world where people only value their false gods and money. MONEY, MONEY, MONEY.

I am sick of the drama in this world and I am ready for my life to take this new turn.  Please, please, please, somebody tell me what I need to do to gain control of my situation and get my life in some kind of order.  SCRIPTURES.....I NEED SCRIPTURES AND PRAYER.

I BELIEVE IN GOD AND I KNOW HE LOVES ME, BUT MY FAITH IS SO BEAT UP, AND I CANNOT GO ON LIKE THIS.  I AM ANGRY AT MYSELF AND THE WORLD, AND I NEED TO GET OVER THESE HURDLES.  What must I do..........God please, what must I do to be fearless of this life and the trials I am facing? 

[Kat]

Hi joneseva,

I'm glad you have joined us  
You do seem to be in need of like minded friends, I hope you will continue to come here for this fellowship, it kind of takes you out of the world for a little while. I see your situation has you tied up in knots, you are worried about everything and I can understand how this can happen. But think of it this way, God is sovereign and is in total control, your situation has not escaped His attention. You need to unload all of these burdens onto Jesus Christ.

Mat 11:28  Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
v. 29  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
v. 30  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Think about it, what good does any of your fears and worries accomplish? You are concerned to the point of making yourself sick over things that may not even happen, so what good is all this worry?

Luke 12:22  Then He said to His disciples, "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on.
v. 23  Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing.
v. 24  Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds?
v. 25  And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
v. 26  If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest?
v. 27  Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
v. 28  If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith?
v. 29  "And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind.
v. 30  For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things.
v. 31  But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you.

You seem to be doing the best you can do, so rely on God to take care of the rest. You remember how Peter saw Jesus walking on the water (Matt 14)? Well Peter wanted to do what Jesus was doing and you know what, he did... as long as he kept his eyes on Jesus. But when he diverted his eyes and saw all the physical stuff happening around him, he became afraid and guess what... he started sinking.

The physical things in this world are the things that are necessary for the time being, for this experience of life, both good and evil. This world is a hard place, but God will give you the strength to stand in the face of all adversity just don't give up, take one day at a time, do the best you can do and let God work out the rest. There are only a very few that even see Christ walking on the water, you are one of such a tiny group, ignore all the raging wind and take His hand, He will not let you sink.

Rom 8:18  For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
v. 19  For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God.

v. 35  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
v. 36  As it is written:
      "For Your sake we are killed all day long;
      We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter."  
v. 37  Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
v. 38  For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come,
v. 39  nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I know things look dark right now, but there is a great light that is within your reach.

2Peter 1:19  We also have a more sure Word of prophecy, to which you do well to take heed, as to a light that shines in a dark place, until the day dawns and the Daystar arises in your hearts,

mercy, peace and love
Kat

[lauriellen]

Php 3:8  Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,
Php 3:9  And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith:
Php 3:10  That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;


my heart aches for you...i have come to realize that it is Gods will that we suffer through these trials by fire in this life....you just have to find your answers in Gods own words (scriptures) and trust in Him that you are right were he wants you to be for His own good purposes. hang in there. i will be praying for your strength and comfort.
lauri

[modena]

Hello,

This might be hard for you to believe but your in a good spot even if you cant see it.. The garden of Gethsemane comes to mind where Jesus sweat-ed great drops of blood in questioning his own process.. The Bible speaks of the threshing room floor where the chaff is separated from the wheat and also the purification of Gold where the dross is wiped away etc. etc..

David said yea though I make my bed in hell Lord you are with me and that's what I'm trying to convey to you.. This might be hard for you to accept or maybe not? Your right where God wants you to be there is no place that He is not present and you will get through this.. Dint despise where you are embrace it and say your will be done Lord, and it will be.. Your experiencing a paradigm shift within you that is taking your focus away from the God of the sky and into the God that is YOU.. The God of your heart mind and soul that is not apart from you but within you and its a new Heaven and a new Earth that is promised to all who overcome the old.. So praise God you are arriving and this comes with birth pains and that's all this is.. Much LOVE to you through this chastening awakening and I look forward to hearing from you when the morning comes and your mourning stops because old parts of you died and gave way to the Glory of a new day..

I too, find myself in the wilderness and I found this to be comforting..

All my love,

Modena   

[GinaMilan]

Hello,

All who came before me and come after will give great responses.  

1 Peter 4:12:  Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:'

Maybe this will be more comforting:

1 Peter 4:13 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy

1 Peter 5:7 (Amplified)  Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.

Psalm 46:10:  Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth!

Whenever I tried to do Psalms 46:10 and Peter 4:13 and 5:7 in the midst of a fiery trial, I had concrete evidence that I had no such thing as a free will because I could never cast the whole of my cares on Him; I was always taking them back and trying to work them out myself.  I couldn't be still; except for when I'd be about to get up for work in the morning... then I had no problem being still.  I could stay in bed all day at times like those.

Maybe these will help:

Isaiah 59:1  BEHOLD, THE Lord's hand is not shortened at all, that it cannot save, nor His ear dull with deafness, that it cannot hear.

Hebrews 13:5 I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire (fiery trial), you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you.

All who read your post will be praying for you, Eva, and we will from this very moment be thanking God for what He is about to do!  I will be praying that God prepares a job for you right now outside of the "ministry" that will supply all of your needs -- God's will be done.  

I would say, Just try to remain calm, but I know from my own experience it's so much easier said than done, so I'll just say, Just try to remain upset , and we'll remain calm for you because that's what friends are for.  

(It's seems whenever I'm upset I do the exact opposite of what I'm told, so that's why I half-jokingly say, try to remain upset, because if you're anything like me, you'll soon calm down. )

Please continue to keep us updated on your progress, okay?

Love,
Gina

God bless you and may God continue to provide until He provides.  

[daywalker]

Hello,

Based on what you've been through, and what you're currently going through, I'd have to say your faith is much stronger than perhaps even you realize...


Keep in mind, though, as you look around this wicked world that you could've still been part of it... It's only "by the grace of God" who has given you "ears to hear" and "eyes to see" that you have "come out of her [the Church of Babylon]".

But with that calling out comes a high price tag... We are called to suffer persecution & tribulation; not to enjoy a peaceful life... not here, not now... A peaceful, pain-free earthly life won't prepare us for the "coming eon" when we "judge the world and angels" and, along with Christ "save the world" and teach them all righteousness [Isaiah 26:9]


Daywalker  


PS: I was raised by a single mother. I saw how hard that was for her to do... she worked her butt off... Don't be fooled, you're a soldier!!!

[dogcombat]

Jonesva67,

To take Kat's reply a step further, this segment from Ray's "Praying by God's Rules"  about Gethsame

THE GREATEST DRAMA OF THE AGES

If you like drama, then Matt. 26:36 is the place to find it. Few pay close attention to what is really going on in these few verses of Scripture. The humanity of Jesus is brought into direct conflict with the will of His God and Father. First I will jump ahead of our story slightly so that you understand the setting of this greatest of all prayers in the history of the universe. After praying for one hour Jesus returns a short way back to His Apostles and says:

   "Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak" (Matt. 26:41).

Was the "flesh" of Jesus any stronger than that of His apostles? No, it was the same flesh. Paul tells us that, "...there is ONE kind of flesh of men..." (I Cor. 15:39). Jesus was given this same "one kind" of flesh (John 1:14 & Rom. 1:3). And so the flesh of Jesus was just as "weak" as that of His Apostles. Jesus instructed His apostles to stay awake and pray with Him for one hour. None of them could do it. None of us could have done it. They just ate a meal and they were now sleepy (not only physically sleepy, but especially spiritually sleepy). Now back to the beginning of this great drama:

   "Then comes Jesus with them unto a place called Gethsemane, and says unto the disciples, Sit you here, while I go and pray yonder [over there]. And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee [James and John] and began to be SORROWFUL, AND VERY HEAVY. Then said He unto them, My soul [His fleshly, conscious humanity, not His spirit] is EXCEEDING SORROWFUL, EVEN UNTO DEATH [spirit doesn't die, it is our flesh that must die]. Tarry [stay] you here, and watch with Me.

   And He went a little farther, and fell on His face, and prayed saying, O MY FATHER, IF IT BE POSSIBLE, LET THIS CUP [this cup of death—being beaten beyond recognition, being made sin offering, and crucified for the sins of humanity] pass from Me: NEVERTHELESS, NOT AS I WILL, BUT AS THOU WILL" (Matt. 26:36-39).

   "And there appeared an angel unto Him from heaven, strengthening Him. And being in an agony He prayed more earnestly: and His sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground" (Luke 22:43-44).

I doubt that any of us can ever fully appreciate what unfathomable human trauma and agony was taking place for those three hours in the garden that night two thousand years ago. The eternal destiny of the entire human race was at stake, and Jesus KNEW IT! And believe me, Jesus' Father was agonizing right along with His Son:

   "In all their afflictions, He [GOD] was afflicted... in His love and in His pity He redeemed them..." (Isa. 63:9).

   "Though He were a Son, yet learned He obedience by the things which He SUFFERED" (Heb. 5:.


So yes, our trials make us angry, disillusioned etc.  But God uses them to set us free from being shackled to anything we depend on that does not start with Him FIRST.

May God enlighten you

Ches

P.S. I underlined the part about Jesus sweat, because it was describing how profuse His sweating was.  Not that He was bleeding sweat.

[Deborah-Leigh]

Welcome to the Forum and your first post joneseva67

What a desperate cry you make! Like the shrill scream of a new born baby!  

Everything you describe is familiar to us here. EVERYTHING. The pain, the fear, the loss, heartache, agony, despair and trauma of earlier experiences of rejection, abandonment and disdain all taking their toll on your aching mind and heart.

We can say, DO this or DO that or DON't do this and DON't do that but we know that NOTHING you can do  is what YOU NEED>

I have seen this demon of fear you are fighting. It is a demon called no money!

What if I sent you a million Dollars. Would you feel better? Would you? Would all your fears, despairs and agonies disappear? You'd feel better?

What you don't need now is money!    That is the last thing you need.


Isa 52:3  For thus saith the LORD, Ye have sold yourselves for nought; and ye shall be redeemed without money.

You/we, need the Fruit of His Spirit that is Love. You/we need LOVE. You/we need JOY and Peace. You/we need kindness which those who have responded to you have offered to you in their empathy for your experiences in this Thread. You/we need us to be Gentle with you. We know to be gentle and kind and we know we all need Patience, Endurance and Faith. These things of the Spirit of Christ are those virtues that are keeping us for His Kingdom and conforming us to His Image through the Goodness of God to repentance which means change, turning around and singing a new song.

May your new song happen soon for you dear  joneseva67 We hear you. We see you and we can feel your pain. We know...you are angry, you are angry and that too will pass. We know.

God love you

Arc

[octoberose]

Please remember that God loves the people at the church where you are secretary, and perhaps your being there to speak the truth and act in love is what you should be doing for as long as God gives you that job to do. You don't have to confront them- you should bring up this verse (Jesus is the Savior of the whole world) or that verse ( We're forgiven as we forgive) and marvel aloud at the wonder of God. Love them, even when they don't love you back. That is what we're called to do.
And then, those cares of the world that come up and suffocate us need some attention. Maybe there is someone in your life who can help with things like insurance that threaten to undo you. We are called to be good stewards and God will give you wisdom on how to deal with those things. And perhaps we should pray for the financial support of your children. But don't do anything in bitterness, but give God the glory and He will give you peace.
We were not given this site to end up haughty or judgmental. We were looking for something and God granted us answers. He opened up our minds to Truths that few people have. If you are going through a trial by fire you are in good company! We can't hold on to love and fear at the same time, so hold on to love.
I will pray for you - for a peace and a wisdom that only comes from God.

[G. Driggs]

I feel your pain and despair, but at the same time I smile knowing this means God loves you, He is training you and making you His child. What you are going through now will pay off big time later, and its only for a little while. Praying for your strength and endurance.

Deu 8:5  And you have known with your heart, that, as a man chastens his son, so Jehovah your God chastens you.

Pro 3:11  My son, do not despise the chastening of Jehovah; nor be weary with His correction;
Pro 3:12  for whom Jehovah loves He corrects, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.

Heb 12:5  And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons, "My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when you are rebuked by Him;
Heb 12:6  for whom the Lord loves He chastens, and He scourges every son whom He receives."
Heb 12:7  If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons, for what son is he whom the father does not chasten?
Heb 12:8  But if you are without chastisement, of which all are partakers, then you are ******** and not sons.

I think with all you are going through now, coupled with the knowledge the Lord has given you through bible truths, you are being made into His image, and it will be painful at times, just hang in there dear sister and keep your eyes on Jesus. 

Peace, G.Driggs

[Roy Coates]

Trust in the Father and Jesus Christ Who IS IN CONTROL. Your going through exactly what your supposed to. Be faithfull has He is faithful. Praying for you, peace

[jassy]

Hi Eva

Hang in there, what is happening is plan B is been taken from you. Household insurance, child support ect. Your reliance is now becoming totally from God. It always was but now its been made crystal clear.

As for the sexual harassment that is happening because you are fragile at this time. You take on the appearance of a fluffy little rabbit for some. Dont get bitter or disgusted. Fragile women are a great attraction for some men. Let them see the wolverine every now and again as it will stop. And keep a sense of humour about it. Being flirted with and preyed upon is not the end of the world. If it get physical then ok, stronger steps must be taken.

As for the migraines try to find a reputable chiropractor to set your neck and back if you can afford it. do it every month until migraines stop. Its stress trapping the nerves in your spine . Take Zinc and Magnesium supplements as well. Your system is taking a knock from all that is happening.

Lastly these circumstance happen when you are weak. You wonder why you are not given a chance to rally before the next exciting episode starts. There is a reason I believe. You have no answer, you cant draw on your own resources to solve it. So you are thrown completely at the mercy of Christ. Something in you changes, and the baggage you might carry you have to throw away in order to cope. You become a better you. Yes, one of the major emotions during this growth period is anger. But trust me, no matter how angry you get God is infinitely stronger when you try arm wrestle Him.

I have been there, not the same as you but I know what its like. And so do so many on this forum. When the season passes it is wonderfull and you do not recall unless you meet another going through the same thing. <When I am weak then I am strong> is the bible verse I have for you.

God speed
jassy

[judith collier]

Joneseva67, hightlite with your mouse the reply made in orange. Then you can see it better. I have to go now but will read your plea over later. Love, judy

[Beloved]

Rejoice again i say rejoice. It may not appear like it but The Father has you in a wonderful place right now.

The answer to your question is a question Can you Rest in HIM?

(Luk 12:22)  Now He said to His disciples, "Therefore I am saying to you, Do not worry about the soul, what you may be eating, nor yet about your body, what you should be putting on,

(Luk 12:23)  for the soul is more than nourishment and the body than apparel.

(Luk 12:24)  Consider the ravens, that they are not sowing, neither are they reaping, for which there is no storeroom nor yet barn, and God is nurturing them. Of how much more consequence are you than the flying creatures!"

(Luk 12:25)  Now who of you by worrying is able to add on to his stature one cubit?

(Luk 12:26)  If, then, you are not even able for the least, why are you worrying about the rest?

(Luk 12:27)  Consider the Lillies, how they are growing. They are not toiling, neither are they spinning; yet I am saying to you that not even Solomon in all his glory was clothed as one of these."

(Luk 12:28)  Now if God is thus garbing the grass in the field, which is today and tomorrow is cast into the stove, how much rather you, scant of faith?

(Luk 12:29)  And do not you be seeking what you may be eating and what you may be drinking, and be not in suspense."

(Luk 12:30)  For, for all these the nations of the world are seeking. Now your Father is aware that you need these."

(Luk 12:31)  However, be seeking the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you."


Like above posts Ii too advise you to go into your closet and pray in His Will

(1Pe 5:6)  Be humbled, then, under the mighty hand of God, that He should be exalting you in season,
(1Pe 5:7)  tossing your entire worry on Him, for He is caring concerning you

Take dominion over ALL those Beasts...

The wolves who are sexually harassing you, the Insurance Vultures, the carnivors that seem to be devouring your physical resourses. All of them

You are a child of the Most High ....Girlfirend

You are exactly where the Father wants you....STAND and be His witness.
Like Christ you are in the Wilderness ( the world) being challenged by the physical

(Heb 11:1)  Now faith is a well-grounded assurance of that for which we hope, and a conviction of the reality of things which we do not see.

(Heb 11:3)  Through faith we understand that the worlds came into being, and still exist, at the command of God, so that what is seen does not owe its existence to that which is visible.

Many of have been exactly where you are now....it was scary, there is No Plan B
All is of God  and remember

(Php 4:11)  Not that I speak in respect to need, for _I_ learned to be content in whatever [state] I am.

(Php 4:12)  I know both [how] to be living in humble circumstances, and I know [how] to be living in abundance; in every [place] and in all [circumstances] I have learned the secret of being filled and [of] being hungry, both to be living in abundance and to be having need.

(Php 4:13)  I am capable of [doing] all [things] through Christ, the [One] strengthening me.

Beloved

[judith collier]

Dear Eva, At first God feeds you milk, the milk of consolation. And then when He chooses the time, which is right for you, the whole world seems to fall apart and boy are we angry!!!! I thought God was going to be like Santa Clauss, all prosperity, and me, the receiver of a happy, happy life.
I lost my husband to another woman, my illusions were being torn apart, I became a wreck and an alchoholic. I ended up in a mental ward for 3 months.  My family was going down the drain faster than drano! It was starting. The whole of my psyche was turned inside out and up and down. I had never felt such stress in my life. The confusion was unbearable. What saved me was my reaching out like you have done. God brought me many rescuers. Their comfort never lasted long and I felt like a burden but I kept on asking, seeking God and  putting one foot in front of the other. I hung onto God by a thread.
Was it worth it, surrending to this awesome God? Did he meet my needs? Did he still love me? Did he cut my umbilical cord to the world?
Yes, Yes, Yes. He is your Deliver, your Redeemer, your Provider, your Lover, your Intercessor, your Hope, and most of all He is the TRUTH. And He will bring you into all of it.
Hang on Eva. We love you! judy