Thanks Gina, I have never heard of it. I will rent it and see for myself. I will let you know from an insider point of view.
Alright! We can compare notes.
And no, I do not wear a head cover but many of the women there do especially elderly ones. It has some silly stuff but I was very fond of it, because it does not have a clergy system, no full time or part time employees or clergy, everyone helps out, no tithing, it does not even dwell on eternal punishment.
Well, I can tell from the what you've written that there must be kind people as well. Besides, it's not like they have everything totally backwards, and furthermore, all churches everywhere have some of the truth. And something told me you didn't wear a scarf, but even if you did, what's the difference between that and literally breaking bread, literally washing feet, literally being baptized -- it's all the "physical/outward" we've been in to, and to the carnal-minded, physical, earthy person, it only makes sense that they [we] would find gratification in those things because they are those which can be physically touched and seen with natural eyes. Don't you think?
But the human free will screwed up everything.
Totally! I'm relieved to know that I don't have free will and "thus far shall I come and no farther," ya know? Geesh, it was scary to come to the realization that I wasn't perfect and never could be on my own, but they tell you that must be good on your own. It was terrifying to think that I was out of God's control. "He must be so angry with me! I bet I've really made Him mad this time!" I would think to myself.
If you did not hear about the Plymouth Brethren maybe you heard about John Darby. The Brethren had great influence on Watchman Nee in China, who is considered the founder and father of this particular church and many of its local churches. It denounces denominations but I am afraid it has become its own denomination.
Yeah, I think it always was it's own denomination -- if you want to know the truth; I mean, how can a group who believes they have free will really understand the "deep things" of God? The best we can do under the the free will delusion is to make up rules that seem right to us Haha -- rules which we MUST follow because we have to in order to be saved -- it just makes no sense. It reminds me of a quote I read on line: "We MUST believe in free will,
we have no choice!" Isn't that the silliest thing you've ever heard? And that was supposedly a quote from a great mind. No kidding.
Speaking of the church I need prayers and support. This week is the first week I come out of there, not just spiritually but physically as well. It is very hard for me. After many years of enjoying the thought of being a good Christian and right with God, all of a sudden I found myself poor naked wretched and blind. I also feel like I am uprooted from the people I love, from all that is familiar and comfortable. I am losing sleep this week.
Zee, I wasn't heavily involved in church, and believe it or not, my family was not Catholic; I was raised southern Baptist, but we rarely went to church. There were people in the family who had spent considerably more time in church, so that they were entrenched in the views of the church and so they brought those views and teachings home to the rest of the family. It was common knowledge and flat out accepted by all in our house there was a God and He was horrible and would punish wicked people, but He was love, oh yeah. He loved us soooo much! So even though I didn't attend outside churches regularly or often at all, I was still brought up with the knowledge of hellfire and damnation -- all that junk because of the things my older siblings would bring home from their "coffee houses" and churches. So, I guess you could say I attended the "Church of My Older Brothers and Sisters" -- and that's why I said it's hard to UN-learn things especially when we have a kinship or bond with those doing the teaching. Seriously. I thought they had all the answers-what could I know? I am the 7th of 9 children. I was low man on the totem pole, I was there for the ride, I had no voice. I got pushed around and taken advantage of a LOT. And even though I knew it was wrong the way they were treating me, I had no choice but to learn to adapt and adapt I did -- and very well, if you catch my drift. I was pitiful. I loved and practically worshiped my brothers and sisters, but hated them and was jealous of them at the same time! I wanted to talk like them, I wanted to be them. And, I apologize if I said too much, I just wanted to show you that I can relate to some of what you've experienced).
I look back and ask God what have You done to me this past 2 months? All my confidences are gone, O Lord how do I know that this time I am right with You?
It's a painful struggle in the beginning, there is no doubt. I will pray that God comforts you and protects you-- it is very, very hard to say goodbye to those things we are comfortable with -- it's hard to leave those things we are familiar with. Sort of like the devil we know .... It's a fear of the unknown, but look at all the information you have at your fingertips that you can read pretty much at your leisure. You won't always feel so alone and confused. I guarantee it, especially if you
beg God for understanding. He will give you understanding. I remember asking Ray one time in an emai years agol, "Why do you beg God? -- I mean, sons don't need to beg their Fathers for anything." How does that song go? "How wrong I waaaaaasss! How wrong I was waaaaaas!...." haha. It's treasure in a field, it's not sitting there on the surface--there's a struggle and a quite a fight to get at it. What was I thinking? Duh-yup-silly-carnal minded little woman. I'm not very smart, but I know that a Good Father would never torture people in ways that are totally insane.
Anyways, my church people are very concerned about me. Knowing them they will try to "save me" the best they can. I pray to God that I do not get too many phone calls. I do not want what to tell them. I just want to be left alone to my studies for the time being. Please pray with me.
I know how that can be, believe me. Let's definitely pray about that. It's good to be amongst other believers and chat and act silly and learn from God and each other. But the best fellowship we have is when we are alone with the Lord -- so it makes perfect sense that you would feel that way, Zee.
God Bless you, Zee. I'm glad you're here. Now go rent the movie so we can compare notes! Hurry!! hehe Just kidding. Take your time.
Love,
Gina