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I need encouragement because I am angry...............

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joneseva67:
I am a mess.  My life is a mess. 

In 2006 I was blessed to find BibleTruths.com and I have printed every writing of Mr. Smith's since I first came across the website.  I wish I had a million dollars to give to the support of his teachings because I can never get enough of it.  Well, I don't have a home computer so I have to get on the website while at work.  I struggled dearly dealing with my life and my circumstances being presented to me, and I always knew I was different because I could never understand the lies of the preachers and always begging for money. Being raised in the synagogue, or else you would get a good old fashion "whipping", I wasn't receiving any anointing from being a bench member, choir munger or participating in other activities within the church.  I was lost and I mean lost.  I thought something was wrong with me mentally because I just didn't understand the teachings I received from the many pastors and I was miserable at an early age. 

But after discovering and rediscovering BibleTruths.com, I knew this is where God wanted and wants me to be:  with people who truly know what God expects from us and not with the illegal advantages "man" is taking of our Father.  Well, I am angry at myself, but more so at my weakness to man even now.  I cannot get away from the grips of the synagogue and their false teachings...........not because I don't want to, but I am the church secretary and I need the extra money being a single mom with very little income.  I hate driving on the grounds of the church and dealing with all the false people. 

I have been sexually harassed by the preachers, deacons, and other male members because I am a single mom, and apparently, I'm better looking than I thought(God bless their souls??)  I try to live a good life and teach my boys the right things to do and say when it comes to dealing with all the false people of the world.   But I can only do so much and my body, soul and mind are growing weak.  Weak to the point where I want to die some days.  I want to toss in my cards and say I give up all this earthly games and drama for a worry free life with God.  Am I crazy as well as lost????? 

Recently my kids father lost his job and he stop paying child support.  Not because he didn't have the money to continue to be a responsible person, but he always viewed what he saw outwardly about me and thought I was living successfully.  He felt no remorse when he cut me and his son off financially.  It has destroyed my bank account and maybe this is my fault because I shouldn't have depended on that income in the first place.  But I am trying to make it and I had to budget and manage the best way I knew how (which included child support) and now, I am  sinking but more in spirit each day because of the demands in my life. 

God has been my only strong hold through all my dealings and I must rely totally on Him because my family turned their backs on me when I was married to husband #2 who abused me physically, mentally and sexually, and they thought I could just walk away.  IT wasn't and is not easy and I give kudos to the many women who are facing abusive situations.  And they really have cut me off because I bought a home in a neighborhood that wasn't up to their standards.  But that doesn't matter any more.......or does it????

Giving my mind and soul to Christ is what I want, but I am fearful of the world and the things I still must do here to survive.  My insurance company, after 5 years cancelled my homeowner's insurance because I didn't meet my obligations, so they say. but not once did they never come out to check what I did and did not do nor try to understand why I couldn't do the work completely; they just cut me off and said "the end". 

I am stressed beyond belief and suffer from migraine headaches to the point of literally throwing up and suffering for 3 to 4 days from them.  I am sweating each day hoping my house does not burn down or blow away now with no coverage, and I am too broke to do anything more than what I have done to make my situation right.  But even in my prayers to God all day long, and my daily crying (literally all day long), it doesn't change the fact that I have to live in this world where people only value their false gods and money. MONEY, MONEY, MONEY.

I am sick of the drama in this world and I am ready for my life to take this new turn.  Please, please, please, somebody tell me what I need to do to gain control of my situation and get my life in some kind of order.  SCRIPTURES.....I NEED SCRIPTURES AND PRAYER.

I BELIEVE IN GOD AND I KNOW HE LOVES ME, BUT MY FAITH IS SO BEAT UP, AND I CANNOT GO ON LIKE THIS.  I AM ANGRY AT MYSELF AND THE WORLD, AND I NEED TO GET OVER THESE HURDLES.  What must I do..........God please, what must I do to be fearless of this life and the trials I am facing? 

Kat:

Hi joneseva,

I'm glad you have joined us  :)
You do seem to be in need of like minded friends, I hope you will continue to come here for this fellowship, it kind of takes you out of the world for a little while. I see your situation has you tied up in knots, you are worried about everything and I can understand how this can happen. But think of it this way, God is sovereign and is in total control, your situation has not escaped His attention. You need to unload all of these burdens onto Jesus Christ.

Mat 11:28  Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
v. 29  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
v. 30  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Think about it, what good does any of your fears and worries accomplish? You are concerned to the point of making yourself sick over things that may not even happen, so what good is all this worry?

Luke 12:22  Then He said to His disciples, "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on.
v. 23  Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing.
v. 24  Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds?
v. 25  And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
v. 26  If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest?
v. 27  Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
v. 28  If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith?
v. 29  "And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind.
v. 30  For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things.
v. 31  But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you.

You seem to be doing the best you can do, so rely on God to take care of the rest. You remember how Peter saw Jesus walking on the water (Matt 14)? Well Peter wanted to do what Jesus was doing and you know what, he did... as long as he kept his eyes on Jesus. But when he diverted his eyes and saw all the physical stuff happening around him, he became afraid and guess what... he started sinking.

The physical things in this world are the things that are necessary for the time being, for this experience of life, both good and evil. This world is a hard place, but God will give you the strength to stand in the face of all adversity just don't give up, take one day at a time, do the best you can do and let God work out the rest. There are only a very few that even see Christ walking on the water, you are one of such a tiny group, ignore all the raging wind and take His hand, He will not let you sink.

Rom 8:18  For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
v. 19  For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God.

v. 35  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
v. 36  As it is written:
       "For Your sake we are killed all day long;
       We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter."  
v. 37  Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
v. 38  For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come,
v. 39  nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I know things look dark right now, but there is a great light that is within your reach.

2Peter 1:19  We also have a more sure Word of prophecy, to which you do well to take heed, as to a light that shines in a dark place, until the day dawns and the Daystar arises in your hearts,

mercy, peace and love
Kat

lauriellen:
Php 3:8  Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,
Php 3:9  And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith:
Php 3:10  That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;


my heart aches for you...i have come to realize that it is Gods will that we suffer through these trials by fire in this life....you just have to find your answers in Gods own words (scriptures) and trust in Him that you are right were he wants you to be for His own good purposes. hang in there. i will be praying for your strength and comfort.
lauri

modena:
Hello,

This might be hard for you to believe but your in a good spot even if you cant see it.. The garden of Gethsemane comes to mind where Jesus sweat-ed great drops of blood in questioning his own process.. The Bible speaks of the threshing room floor where the chaff is separated from the wheat and also the purification of Gold where the dross is wiped away etc. etc..

David said yea though I make my bed in hell Lord you are with me and that's what I'm trying to convey to you.. This might be hard for you to accept or maybe not? Your right where God wants you to be there is no place that He is not present and you will get through this.. Dint despise where you are embrace it and say your will be done Lord, and it will be.. Your experiencing a paradigm shift within you that is taking your focus away from the God of the sky and into the God that is YOU.. The God of your heart mind and soul that is not apart from you but within you and its a new Heaven and a new Earth that is promised to all who overcome the old.. So praise God you are arriving and this comes with birth pains and that's all this is.. Much LOVE to you through this chastening awakening and I look forward to hearing from you when the morning comes and your mourning stops because old parts of you died and gave way to the Glory of a new day..

I too, find myself in the wilderness and I found this to be comforting..

All my love,

Modena   

GinaMilan:
Hello,

All who came before me and come after will give great responses.  

1 Peter 4:12:  Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:'

Maybe this will be more comforting:

1 Peter 4:13 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy

1 Peter 5:7 (Amplified)  Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.

Psalm 46:10:  Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth!

Whenever I tried to do Psalms 46:10 and Peter 4:13 and 5:7 in the midst of a fiery trial, I had concrete evidence that I had no such thing as a free will because I could never cast the whole of my cares on Him; I was always taking them back and trying to work them out myself.  I couldn't be still; except for when I'd be about to get up for work in the morning... then I had no problem being still.  I could stay in bed all day at times like those.

Maybe these will help:

Isaiah 59:1  BEHOLD, THE Lord's hand is not shortened at all, that it cannot save, nor His ear dull with deafness, that it cannot hear.

Hebrews 13:5 I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire (fiery trial), you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you.

All who read your post will be praying for you, Eva, and we will from this very moment be thanking God for what He is about to do!  I will be praying that God prepares a job for you right now outside of the "ministry" that will supply all of your needs -- God's will be done.  

I would say, Just try to remain calm, but I know from my own experience it's so much easier said than done, so I'll just say, Just try to remain upset , and we'll remain calm for you because that's what friends are for.  

(It's seems whenever I'm upset I do the exact opposite of what I'm told, so that's why I half-jokingly say, try to remain upset, because if you're anything like me, you'll soon calm down. )

Please continue to keep us updated on your progress, okay?

Love,
Gina

God bless you and may God continue to provide until He provides.  ;)

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