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[modena]

Hello,



Any and all advice on how to deal with this situation is so welcome.

I'm sorry to be a downer, but after all the years of seeking God to feel the way I'm feeling leaves me lifeless.

I guess I am caught in the midst's of a massive depression. I feel so far from God. No matter how hard I pray, my prayers seem to fall on deaf ears. Instead of increasing in Godliness it appears I'm going in the opposite direction.

It was my faith that made me alive, to be stripped of it leaves me horrified.

Inside I feel empty and as if life has no meaning. It's been about 3 months now. It's like a switch was turned on and I can't seem to switch it off. I'm scared really scared. Can't even get up.

I've never experienced this intense darkness before, it is terrifying.

Please pray for my I can use all your prayers, if possible a double dose please.

Thank you

Mary Ann

[arion]

Psa 22:1-2  To the chief Musician upon Aijeleth Shahar, A Psalm of David. My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring?   O my God, I cry in the daytime, but thou hearest not; and in the night season, and am not silent.


Your not alone Mary Ann....David's psalms are full of such feelings.  Even the very apostles of Christ felt the way you do occasionally.

2Co 4:8, 16-17  We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;  For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

Or, consider Job;

Job 1:13-22  And there was a day when his sons and his daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother's house: And there came a messenger unto Job, and said, The oxen were plowing, and the asses feeding beside them: And the Sabeans fell upon them, and took them away; yea, they have slain the servants with the edge of the sword; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee. While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The fire of God is fallen from heaven, and hath burned up the sheep, and the servants, and consumed them; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee. While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The Chaldeans made out three bands, and fell upon the camels, and have carried them away, yea, and slain the servants with the edge of the sword; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee. While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, Thy sons and thy daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother's house: And, behold, there came a great wind from the wilderness, and smote the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young men, and they are dead; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee. Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.

Most of us had not have life fly at us and hit us in the face to the degree of Job, yet when Job came out on the other side he was more blessed before he was tested.  The Lord knows just how much heat to turn on us when we are in the fires of affliction even though to us it feels like we are burning up.  Believe it or not you are exactly where God wants you to be right now and He will not allow you to be tested beyond what your able to endure.  There is only one piece of physical advice that I can give which may or may not speak to your situation.

Don't doubt in the darkness what God has given you in the light.

This had pulled me through several trials in the past.  Will keep you in prayer.

[judith collier]

Dear Mary Ann, it's true what Dave posted. Remember!!! until the Spirit comes again. This has happened to me many, many times and I am pretty old.(67) Seek for God with everything you have in you and then wait. He will come again I promise you. He hasn't left you, he will never leave you even though it feels like that.
I remember crying for hours when I was younger because I couldn't find Him. You won't find Him with your mind but with your heart. At one time I would put my hand over my heart (something physical) and remind myself where He was. I even put a tiny picture of Jesus in my bra and would touch that to hold onto. Other times I would walk around all day saying, "God is good and He loves me"
I will be praying for you, I promise. There is a battle going on for your mind but God knows your heart and try to trust what is happening to you. In older times this was called the desert experience. I have come to love the desert now as much as I loved the lush mountains and hills where we used to walk together in love. You are in the valley, mountain tops are not where we are to reside. The ups and downs will even out, but you must keep on reaching out!
Please take hope. You are loved and never forgotten. Judy

[Deborah-Leigh]

I have countless letters from people who have been mentally, emotionally, and spiritually plagued all the days of their lives over the Church's eternal hell of torture doctrine. It is far overdue for those false teachers who disseminate this pagan unscriptural nonsense to be exposed. L Ray Smith 23 Minutes-in-Hell

Dear Mary Ann

The first thing to do, if you can find the strength, is to familiarise yourself with the Truth that is expounded through the teachings here in BT. If it is God's appointed time for you to find, understand and integrate the Truth, I believe you will recover from your depression which can stem from many expreiences, not just digesting false teachings but from integrating false beliefs that are triggered through abuse. I do not speak as a Doctor but this I can share with you is that I recognize what you share in your circumstances regarding the suffering you are experiencing.

God put me through 10 years of Clinical Depression. I identified exactly what Ray has stated in his latest paper quoted above. I had no idea that the indoctrination I received through all the religions I studied to find the Truth, merely solidified a deep dark anchor of pain and agony in my soul that was excavated through years of regular once a week treatments to uncover the core false beliefs that gave substance to all the fears, terrors and finally my collapse into Clinical Depression. I am cured of Clinical Depression yet this does not mean that I do not experience debilitating feelings sometimes. I am most grateful for the outlet my writing brings me to express some of the things I feel at times.

My depression was not due to a chemical imbalance it was a spiritual warping from the containment of false teachings that lead me to conditioned beliefs in error and corrupt indoctrinations.

If you have not been to a therapist to discern if you have a chemical imbalance, I can suggest you do as a matter of urgency.
I can say, that the terrible dark and painfully mentally isolating and spiritually agonising influences that depression can bring to our experiences, are not anything to trivialize. I know also, no one can help themselves, and help is required either professionally or medically to alleviate the harmful effects of depression.
 
Please consider seeing a professional if you have not done so already. Your description of experiencing dark and terrifying darkness that causes you not to be able to get up, I believe shows that you need the caring, intelligent and sensitive help of professional evaluation.
ARc

[GinaMilan]

Hi, Mary Ann

I'm sorry you're feeling down.  Thank you for the prayer request.  It's good to pray for others.   It's good for those of us who have been there (and come through it) to remember  and not forget that we have been where you are now so that we can help those who come after us.  (Helping others is a gift and a joy as you will also one day see, so thank you for not being too shy to ask us for prayer!)

You said just three months ago you were fine, but now that your faith has been stripped, you feel horrified because you used to feel "alive."  

You're going to be alright, Mary Ann, but it doesn't help you to hear that because you want something that's going to take time.  I know how that goes!  And it doesn't help at all that we live in this "fast food" lightening speed world of Disney characters where problems appear to be able to be solved in an hour!

Look around you:  Most things take lots of time.  (Take for instance, the Disney characters -- my daughter's an artist and she knows the amount of work and time that goes into making those characters themselves, haha; so even making life seem simple TAKES TIME! haha)  And no one here is going to deny that learning patience - one of the hardest things to learn - takes time.  I will ask God to first teach you to be patient.  God isn't finished with you (or any of us) - yet.

The good thing about "feelings" is that they aren't necessarily "truth."  I know you "feel" like you'll never feel better or that it's never going to get better, but that's not true (Satan's a liar, Mary Ann - that part hasn't changed!).  

What you're "feeling" is only for a season and for good reason:

Ecclesiastes 3

 1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

 2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

 3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

 4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

 5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

 6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

 7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

 8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.


Thank you for reading, Mary Ann.  I'll be praying for you, okay?  I mean it.  

Sincerely,
Gina

p.s.  I'm not a doctor, and I wouldn't advise you against seeing one, but I have worked for a psychiatrist in my past for about 5 years up until about 4-1/2 years ago.  He was wonderful man with a huge heart.  Please read this article and research chemical imbalances (http://psychdata.blogspot.com/2007/12/there-is-no-such-thing-as-chemical.html) before going on any medication.  I'm convinced there are lots of "doctors" who would more than jump at the opportunity to convince you you have a chemical imbalance, and should they succeed in convincing you, please keep this in the back of your mind:  you can become hooked on medications to help you with your "chemical imbalance," which means that you can't just "come off" of them cold turkey -- coming off of prescribed mood elevators/enhancers/balancers is something that also takes time --  and I'm not exaggerating when I say - lots of it.  So, sure, see a "professional," if you feel you must, but tread with caution and do your research if offered any meds for a chemical "imbalance."  

[Roy Coates]

The very fact that your reaching out, begging God, asking for prayer and thinking of Holy things says to me your being perfected. Trust the inspiration to seek medical help(if that is what your feeling) Seek out a friend that you can discuss your troubles to get another perspective.( pm another form member if you have no one else) Pray with out ceasing.

I pray with you for healing, comfort, grace, understanding and peace in the mighty name of Jesus, Amen

[modena]

Hello,

Thanks for all your words of encouragement!! Life, it's just a big mystery. There is nothing more I can do but try to hold on to faith. I find the whole situation bizarre. These minds of ours can really be powerful. I wish I could create a perfect story within my mind at least I could go there and get some relief. I did see a psychiatrist, I'm not sure what I am going to do.

I just wish God would come to me in my weakness and show me He is here with me. Just a little encouragement from the one I've followed would set me free. Unfortunately all I receive is the sound of silence..

Bless you all for caring enough to respond,

Modena

[GinaMilan]

You're welcome, Mary Ann.  Gee, I'm sorry you feel that God is being silent toward you.  May I ask you a very personal question?  Can you pinpoint exactly what you're most needing from God that you feel you're not getting a response to?  Sometimes we don't know what we're feeling.  I remember when I first learned the truth that God would save all, I thought that's all there was to know and learn.  I didn't know it was only the beginning of a lot of learning about myself and who I am deep down and how much I need to be healed (saved) from.  It is not enough to know that God will save all, there's still the fact that even though we're forgiven, He has to perform a major heart surgery (taking out our stony heart and giving us a new heart, or "getting the sin out of the sinner" as Ray puts it).  It's a spiritual cleansing and it is through MUCH tribulation (not much "pleasantness") that we enter in the kingdom.

I don't mean to discourage you, but you need to be aware that if you're being called to be on this most excellent journey as one of God's favorites, you don't want to make the mistake of trying to escape God's call  -- it's gonna be worth the pain; there is no pain or suffering equal to the amount of joy that God has in store for His favorites, and as one of God's favorites you will experience much JOY.  There's a reason for the tribulation.  I think of it as a spiritual boot camp.

And the enemy is me.    

[Ellie]

Dear Modena, My heart goes out to you in this situation. Many of us have been where you are right now. Know that I have and will continue to pray for you. Please also let us know how you are going. Just know that you are loved,cared for and are held in our prayers. Peace to you and yours...Ellie.....

[margo]

Dear Modena,
You are not alone, you have a family right here that loves you and is praying for you, and your prayers are being heard by the very one that loves you the most.  He is perfecting His children for His Kingdom and you are part of that.  Thank Your Lord for that fire that seems so hot right now, because He is working something out in you..  Thank Him all the time for the good and bad, I know you still have your faith, That is good, and our Lord is Good. 
God Bless you,
Love Margo

[judith collier]

Modena, He is speaking to you though everyone here. Someone said to me once the shape of the cross is a good example of relationship. It not only goes perpendicular but horizontal. The horizontal is between believers and God's spirit is there too, not just you and Him as the perpendicular suggests. I too would like the intimacy of one on one like i used to have so much more of yrs ago but I am learning patience and know this is a time for learning the ways of  God.
Silence can become your friend too. God speaks in the silence, He is always speaking to you. Stillness will come eventually and you will rejoice at this new means of communicating.
Getting to this point is not easy but for now i think you are doing well, really! You are obviously still on your feet, reaching out and going to a Dct.  GOOD MOVES!!!!
Thinking of you and praying too. Judy

[jingle52]

hello Modena
I'm sorry you're going through this phase, God is always with you - just look around and enjoy all His excellent works, I love watching documentaries on animals and "Earth" left me with a feeling of gratitude for having such a wonderful planet to live on. Spend more time in your garden and listen to the birds talking to each other.  Take the time to really see what God has given us.... praise God for His mercy and for His loving kindness. We have also been in different situations and see how Arc has come through her trials (I am humbled by the testimonies of forum members). God is Love and God is Mercy, and this family is here for you and I thank you for sharing yours with us.
All our prayers go out to you.
God's Blessings.

[soberxp]

if life has no meaning?  

point 1:
life is for understand how the world be created.created for life,not death.Holy Bible said god created the world so easy,I really dont think so NOW.

cuz if you work hard forever and ever for something and someone,and someone break your work too easy than your work,do you never thought you should let someone know how hard work you did.

why human needs to give birth,(Gen 3:16  Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.  )the world was created for life.Just as parents will understand what's that mean,Gen 3:16  this is not punishment,it's education,as a good father and mother should do that.

point2:
if life has no meaning?  
if you think life just for Someone intention of creation(god),we have got destroy.cuz I don't understand why god didn't only creat the tree of life.A meaningful.............

point3:
if life has no meaning?is that also Human desires? anyway,we should belong to life in god eyes.