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The story of an ex-atheist

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Dawidos:
Welcome, my dear brothers and sisters

I've been struggling with myself to write on this message board for a few days, but I've decided to join your forum community. I'm not from an english-speaking country, so I hope you will forgive me for any potential linguistic errors in my posts. I was born in Poland, Europe where the Roman Catholic Church is the largest christian denomination. Therefore most people born in Poland become catholics very quickly. I was not the exception. Over the years I lost my faith in the Church and consequently in God as well. It's hard to say what was the main cause. I think it was a "natural" rebellion against Church teachings. Moreover this period of my life was "very dark". A few bad things happened to me. In those days I became very pessimistic. I started to think that religious people are naive and wishful-thinking. Frankly speaking I became a strong atheist, althought I wasn't like others - I didn't make jokes about christianity and I respected people who believed in God. When I was 21 years old I got interested in christianity again, out of curiosity I would say. I can't explain what really happened to me, but I became a true believer. The believer of Jesus Christ teachings, but I didn't start attending the catholic church again. I can't remember the precise moment of my conversion. I suppose it was during Sermon on the Mount reading. Nearly every day I was looking for information regarding Jesus Christ and his teachings. I visited and read many christian websites until I found out about the beatiful doctrine called Christian Univeralism, considered to be huge heresy amongst most christian denominations in the world. I must say I have never heard about it in my entire life. I have learned its beliefs from studying The Christian Universalist Association  (sorry-teaching links not allowed) and Tentmaker (***). Especially the second website allowed me to learn a lot about many people in the history of Christianity who claimed that God would save everyone through Jesus Christ sacrifice. Now comes the most important part of my story. I must admit I am a big fan of Wikipedia. It is the source I have used many times. While I was browsing the entry about Christian Univeralism, I noticed  a link grouped into the External Links section which guided me to bible-truths.com (although I am deeply sorry to inform you that the link is no longer there; it only proves that many are afraid of L. Ray Smith teachings). Back to my story. Finding bible-truths.com was  landmark event in my spiritual conversion. It was also "a spritual earthquake" for my knowledge about God, Jesus Christ, faith  free will, salvation etc. Mr Smith is a magnificient teacher, who writes very detailed articles, analizing every word and every verse from the Scriptures. I have never met such a wise man with so much respect for God's Word. Recently I have finished reading LOF series. Every day I visit Ray's website and read his articles and new posts in your Internet forum. Just like you I had been waiting for Ray's newest article ("Hell is a Christian Hoax") with great anticipation. I am going to read it as soon as possible.

I would like to tell you a little more about many great changes in my life since I was "born again". I am more open-minded, forgiving and peaceful and less selfish, materialistic and fearful. There is no single day (I repeat no single day) when I don't think about God. I would say I became "addicted" to God's Word, obviously in a very positive way. Many people  think that it is possible for an unbeliever to turn to God only if something very bad happens to him/her. For example when your boyfriend/girlfriend dumps you, when somebody close to you dies, when you finds out you are terminally ill. Maybe this is the truth in most cases, but definitely not in mine! In my case "It" (I know now that it is God's grace which gives us faith; in other words "open our spiritual eyes") just happened in the blink of an eye. Unfortunately nobody can believe in my transformation from an atheist to a believer. Some think I am a fool, others think I am a hypocrite. I'm talking here about my family, friends and acquaintances. But thanks to God works (including tribulations which are so needed in believer's life in a process of making him/her in God's image) I am learning a lot, for instance that I should stop worrying what others think about me, because it doesn't matter. I know the truth and nobody and nothing can change that. Many are looking for proof of God's existence. I would tell them - Just look at me! I am modern proof that God does exist, that He loves all his creation, that He can open a heart of a staunch atheist like me in a second! Well, I'm completely aware many would call me a lunatic, but there is no time and place to discuss this matter.

At the end I would like to express my great gratitude to Ray Smith and all his "followers" (of course Ray is a follower of our Lord and The Good News of the Gospel which makes us the same followers like him). Your words have given me wisdom, comfort, peace and consolation and though I don't know you personally, I will be always your debtor.

My favourite Scripture: ""For therefore we both labour and suffer reproach because we trust in the living God, Who is the Saviour of all men, especially of those that believe" - I Tim. 4:10."
My motto: Everything has a reason and everything happens for a reason (I don't have to say from Whom the reason comes from).

P.S. I'm little confused if I may be a God elect. I know God is able to convert the worst sinner like Saul, but the biggest difference is that Paul wasn't a believer in the first place. He hated Christ's followers until he bacame one of them. But theoretically I was a believer, then an unbeliever and a believer again. But had I really turned away from God before? It was "god" worshipped by the Catholic Church in whom I stop believing in. Or maybe circumstances shouldn't be an excuse here? Are there any Scriptures in the Bible regarding ex-atheists? What will happen to them? What does God think about them? For which ressurection are they destined for? Could they be amongst God Elects? I would be grateful if somebody enlight me in this matter.

God be with you,
David        

Dave in Tenn:
Hi David.  It's very good to have met you.  I enjoyed and was moved by your post.

As for your question:

Don't despair over the path your religious past has taken you.  The Sovereign God has directed all your steps.  He came to save those who are LOST/destroyed.  Wasn't that you?  Is some ways, isn't it still? 

God bless you, and welcome to the forum.   

judith collier:
Hi David, I can only say I wouldn't worry about being an ex atheist as far as your chances of being one of the elect. Concentrate on the love God must have for you, knowing full well from the beginning to the end what you would do. Even after being CALLED i too sinned, we always sin. I believe Ray calls us "sinning machines".
I'll let the others speak as to specifics as I am not too good at finding the proper bible vs. having been raised in the catholic church also.
Nice to meet you. judy

Dawidos:
Thanks you for your warm welcome. I must admit my biggest problem is not confidence in God (which I have so much that I can't express that just by words), but confidence in myself. I suffer from low-esteem, I think and that is why I am sometimes not able to show people who I'm really. The other issue is my anger. When I was an atheist I often feel anger on those who do injustice, but on the other side I've learned Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Now I'm trying to be angry only on wrong deeds, but not the people who do them. Ray said that there was nothing wrong to feel anger, but only if we feel it towards sin (not sinners). I have also something in common with our Lord, because I think I suffer from Messiah Complex (a state of mind in which the individual believes he/she is, or is destined to become, a savior of others). I even got impression that I would die, saving life of other man. My Confirmation name is Maximilian after Maximilian Kolbe, by the way. I know it sounds very weird, but I don't want to pretend to be somebody I'm not.

So answering your question, Dave in Tenn - yes, it can be said about me that I'm lost/destroyed.

Joel:
Hi David, and welcome!
I don't see any language barriers here, you express youself better than I.
You have shared some things that most of us have experienced, at one time are another.
We  can have more peace in our lives if we know in our hearts that our Lord, and Savior Jesus the Christ can handle all the details, when we put ALL our trust in him.
I am amazed at how he works in, and through us.  Ray, and the Bible-Truths forum is a real blessing.
Thanks for sharing.

Joel

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