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[FreedomInTruth]

Hi all, I was "saved" when I was 17, I am now 47.  I was in a very legalistic, dogmatic church that taught (like many of us were taught to believe) that most of God's creation would spend eternity in eternal torment.  I backslid not long after being saved and was told that I "may have lost my salvation".  I struggled with that for so many years.  I just blindly accepted what I was taught for a long time.  Then I began to question.  Those questions I put in the back of my mind for years until the last few months.  

I began to question how God could send most of creation to his "eternal torture chamber" and I have to admit, and this may sound horrible, I was so angry at God for being who He is.  It was a few weeks ago that I just went and crashed in the bed (crying and so angry) and began telling God how unfair He was, how I didn't understand and that I was really, really mad at him for creating this mess and how He was "doing nothing about it".  It seemed to me that he had created man and "left us stranded".  

It was no coincidence that I was led to this forum and the articles that answered the questions I have.  I'm still reading and trying to absorb it all.  I have to read and re-read because it's just so much for me to take in at once.  It's hard to let the ingrained beliefs go, they just pop up.  

I was browsing another forum and someone had linked an article on this site.  Once I started reading I couldn't stop.  God is showing me the answers to all the questions I have.

I spent so many nights tossing and turning, not able to sleep because of "who that god was".  Now that He has given me some answers (I'm still reading and learning) I can sleep for the first time in weeks.

I hope some of you can relate to the anger I had at "that god"?  

Anyway, it's nice to be here and I hope to get to know all of you.  I miss the fellowship of talking with those of like beliefs (although mine are changing by the minute, thank God).  

[arion]

Welcome to the forum and very glad to have you here!!

It was no coincidence that I was led to this forum and the articles that answered the questions I have.

Your right...it's no accident at all.  All in God's good timing.  We are just like the old testament children of Israel quite often.  We come to faith (as we understood it at that time) and then we wander in the wilderness for our 40 years and then we see the promised land.   You would think that other Christians would be excited to learn the truths that we have been come to know here, but they aren't.  For most of my life I wouldn't even have entertained the idea that their was no literal hell because the Bible said that Jesus talked about it.  But God has His ways to get our attention and when the blinders come off the light is bright indeed!!  The scriptures are harmonious, they don't contradict and all dovetail together wonderfully.  We have been given enough material on the website for a lifetime of study.  Every time I go back to the various teachings new understanding is given.  But just don't expect other 'believers' to be excited with what you have come to learn.  They will resist the message until God gives them sight as well.

[GinaMilan]

Welcome to the forum, FreedominTruth!

Your story sounds very much like my own, and thank you for sharing it.

Yes, I was very angry with God.  I can so empathize with what you were feeling.

I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.  Why was I the only one who was not happy about people burning in hell?  I would walk out of church so annoyed.  How in the world could everybody there be so "happy"?  I followed right along, though, in pretending it all made sense.

Recently, I realized one thing that the doctrine of eternal torment did to me was that it made me think to myself (subconsciously), "I am never going to make it (to heaven).  I can't keep these commandments."  

And since the thought of hell depressed me and made me anxious, I was constantly looking for ways to make myself feel better, "Because if I'm not going to make it to heaven, at least I can have some fun while I'm here on earth..."  Consequently, the only thing I succeeded in doing was in becoming a total failure at pretty much everything.  That's what the hell doctrine did for me.  It did nothing to keep me on the "straight and narrow"  (and I hated going to church) but rather horizontal -- in my bed many nights with the sheets pulled up far over my head wishing to God I was never born because I was sure I was going to fry!

Then a friend and I were talking and she got me thinking about the hell doctrine; and for two months (I don't remember how long it was really), I literally tossed and turned, but I was actually too frightened to even search anything out about it (that's how brainwashed I was!).  One day I did a search for "Is tithing scriptural," and Ray's site was at the top of the list; I still can't get over how fortunate I was.   I'll never forget it.  I was at work and just like you, I was reading and reading and go into work tired, but so happy.  I was telling people about it all, and they were not even happy!  I was like, you have GOT to be kidding me! haha.  It's taken me about 7-8 years, but it's finally starting to click "Many are called, FEW (as in "not many") are chosen.    I'm a slower learner.

It's so good to have you here.  

[Dave in Tenn]

Yes, I understand very well your anger at God.  Mine led me to many years of total cynicism...so much so, that I'd have been happier not believing in God at all.  I really just wanted Him to leave me the hell alone.

He, on the other hand, knew exactly what He was doing and why.  I was very well 'greased' to believe the gospel when I heard it, even though just a few minutes before following a google ad to B-T for a few minutes of mockery, I was a complete amoral, immoral, cynical to the point of agnostic, and depressed shell of a man. 

So...this guy welcomes you to the forum.  I hope we have a long time of shared fellowship. 

[Ellie]

Glad you are joining us. Many can relate to how you feel. It is such a glorious thing when the answer to all those questions are given to us. Even then the layers and depths of God's word continues to inspire. Enjoy........Ellie......

[judith collier]

Hi Freedom, good choice of a moniker here. It was guilt with me, gave it all up once but God was hanging in there with me unbeknown by me. You'll like it here. Judy

[cherokee]

Hey Freedom,

Welcome to the forum. Glad you are here.

Blessings,
Suzie

[G. Driggs]

I began to question how God could send most of creation to his "eternal torture chamber" and I have to admit, and this may sound horrible, I was so angry at God for being who He is.  It was a few weeks ago that I just went and crashed in the bed (crying and so angry) and began telling God how unfair He was, how I didn't understand and that I was really, really mad at him for creating this mess and how He was "doing nothing about it".  It seemed to me that he had created man and "left us stranded".

These are the same exact thoughts and circumstances that caused me to seek the Truth. You might as well be telling my story our situations are so alike. I too was in bed one day "crying and so angry" and blaming God and Satan feeling like I was just a pawn in their little game. I remember thinking to myself "I wish I was never born" and that I was sure I was destined for hell. It wasnt long after that God lead me to Ray's papers and this fine forum of true believers, and the rest is history.

Welcome to the forums FreedomInTruth, very glad to have you here.

G.Driggs

[Dawidos]

Welcome FreedomInTruth

You have created a great nickname by connecting two very important words in our life now. I think we all wanted to be free of lies and deceptions and to find the Truth. Now you have both. Now you are on the road of magnificient spiritual journey.

You lived in darkness created by lies, anger, doubts, anguish, fear and hate, but one small flame of spiritual light is enough to enlighten us completely.

Angry at God? Yes you can be angry at god of contradictions and injustice, but no at real God of love and mercy.

 
Kind regards

[Deborah-Leigh]

Code: [Select]

I hope some of you can relate to the anger I had at "that god"?  

Anger, turned inward, turns into depression. I suffered 10 years from clinical depression thanks to the “bad news” of Christianity.

Questions that are not even thought of are even answered in the outstanding clarity of Rays expounding of the Word of God.

Welcome to the Forum!

Arc

PS I no longer suffer from Clinical Depression. 

[Linny]

FreedomInTruth,
Welcome to the forum! I admire those of you who questioned this God taught in the churches. Unfortunately, I was a good sheep like those Zee spoke of who didn't question and just accepted. 
But God turned me around in a second even without my questions! How cool is that?   
So much for my free will. 
Look forward to getting to know you better.
Lin

[Kat]

Hi FreedomInTruth,

I'm glad you have joined us 
Yes I can relate very well. When I first found the BT site I spent every spare second reading for months. It was hard to believe all the profound truth I was learning one after the other. And you were not angry with God, you were angry with their god, big difference.

We are here to help and encourage one another, as it is a process we all are going through to learn these truths. Ask questions and join in the discussions, different perspectives help us all. Here are links to some of what is available here.

The forum rules, it will help you see how this forum is moderated.
http://forums..com/index.php/topic,3.0.HTML
http://forums..com/index.php/topic,4558.0.HTML
http://forums..com/index.php/topic,3614.0.HTML

Forum Indexes & lots of Info.
http://forums..com/index.php/board,14.0.HTML

Ray's Videos
http://forums..com/index.php/topic,8227.0.HTML

FAQ (most frequently asked questions)
http://forums..com/index.php/board,23.0.HTML

Ray's Audios
http://forums..com/index.php/topic,2641.0.HTML

Ray's 2008 Audios
http://forums..com/index.php/topic,8256.0.HTML

Transcripts of Ray's Audios
http://forums..com/index.php/board,12.0.HTML

Who Am I? (members pics and personal stuff)
http://forums..com/index.php/board,16.0.HTML

mercy, peace and love
Kat

[aqrinc]

Hi FreedomInTruth,

Welcome to the forum, nice to have you join us. Lots of Idol smashing information to absorb, so sit back, read and learn about taking the idols out of the saddle bags and smash them.

george .

[FreedomInTruth]

Hi Arion, yes, you would think that other Christians would be so excited to know this Truth instead of clinging to what they've been taught about what the Bible says.  Do they not ever question?  Do they not see that in their eyes (according to their beliefs) "Satan" is winning the battle?  That was forefront in my mind for a long time...that "Satan is winning", yes God was "trying so hard" and not getting too far.  And yes! those teachings do make the Bible contradict.  That was another biggie for me, a lot of things in the Bible were so inconsistent.  I had gotten to a place that I couldn't even read it.  I wanted no part of it.  That's a horrible place to be.  Now I *want* to know what it says...what it *really* says! 

Hi Gina, yep, I want to tell everyone what I've learned but one person I shared it with was not open to it.  I've seen how it's not accepted and how the "good news" to most Christians is that most of creation will be tortured forever.  How, pray tell, is that good news?  ugh!  Yes, there were times I wished I had never been born also.  I had no choice in the matter but to be here and be in torment on earth and then most likely, according to what I'd been taught, be in torment from now on in the after life.  That does make for sleepless nights and much anxiety.   

Hi Dave, yes! I had thought too that I would have been better off to have never believed in God.  My brother now refers to himself as "an agnostic and probable atheist" because of that teaching.  He said there is absolutely *nothing* any of his kids or grand kids could do that would be grounds for them so suffer endlessly.  He says that makes him a better father than God.  I've talked with him about this and he is open.  He even let me send him some links!  Yes, that teaching does cause depression.  How in the world could it not?  It's absurd. 

Hi Ellie, it is glorious to have those answers.  And yes, then the Word continues to inspire.  Even the things I read now that I don't yet understand I put up for later when I know I will.  I had taken every Bible I owned and put them in a drawer and said "enough is enough of that!".  Now they're back out and they don't cause fear and anguish. 

Hi Judy, there were times I gave it all up too.  Wanted no part of it.  Couldn't keep wracking my brain wondering how "that god" could expect us to live in peace and joy knowing that creation was just waiting to be sucked into hell.  When I was so angry at "that god" and told him how unfair he was I just knew I had crossed a line (most likely to burn forever) but then I was led here. 

Hi Suzie, thank you, it's very nice to be here! 

Hi G. Driggs, yes, a pawn in their game.  And it really helps to know I'm not the only one who cried out to "that god" about how unfair he was.  God did lead me here, I truly think that I would have gone right over the edge and most likely would have been committed somewhere because of the mental torture I was in.  I was ready for a total breakdown.  That's bad.  Those teachings are "good news"?  again, ugh!

Hi Dawidos, there is much freedom in the Truth.  Yes, that darkness was so deep.  I wondered how I could live the rest of my life with that kind of torment.  I came to a place of being so broken and so mad at "that god", could no longer accept who "that god was" and now God is showing me who He really is.  That is total freedom! 

Hi Arcturus, yes, I've found answers to things that I hadn't even thought of.  And the depression has lifted for me also.  Even the times I tried to shove the beliefs I had to the back of my mind they were always there and made for times of depression even when I didn't know why I was depressed.

Thank you all for welcoming me.  It's really nice to be here.  I'm sure I'll have questions as I go.  I need to get some ink and print the articles.  I think I need to slow up a little and quit trying to re-read every article everyday.  lol  I need to study and let it get deep in my heart.  I'm already seeing people differently than I use to.  I use to look at everyone I met and wondered if they were "on their way to hell" especially those of different faiths, most of whom were born in a culture that taught the beliefs they held, but they were "accountable" in every way and were on their way to "the torture chamber".  Now I look at everyone with love, like God does. 

The truth is amazing! 

[jingle52]

Hi FreedominTruth,
Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your testimony, I also was drawn by God's will because I was lost out there and desperately trying to find Truth! Ray is God's gift to us seekers.
God's Blessings.

[FreedomInTruth]

More of you welcomed me while I was posting, didn't mean to leave anyone out!   

It's great to be here.  Thank you all so much for such a warm welcome and it's great to have people to talk with who share the same beliefs. 

zee, at one time I did just accept the teaching and not question.  Yesterday I got out the very first bible I owned after being born again.  I'd put a pamplet in there years ago about how many people die each day and go "straight to hell".  It's hard to believe that I ever believed that and didn't question.  All in God's timing.   
Yes, the truth makes you free!  My head, heart, mind, all of me is still reeling from this freedom!     It's wonderful and I thank God for leading me to the truth.   

aqr, lots of idol smashing going on for sure!   

Hi Kat, yes, anger at their god, that is a big difference.     Thanks for the links. 

jingle52, what a great gift indeed!   

[Stacey]

Welcome aboard FreedominTruth!

[mmijares]

Hi FIT! 

Welcome to the forum!

[FreedomInTruth]

Thank you Stacey.   

LOL  thanks mmijares

[coryd123]

Welcome to the forum. Thank you heavenly father for another miracle! Let us ALL glory and let him that glories glory in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD which exercise loving kindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, said the LORD. Jeremiah 9:24