just wanted to introduce myself after lurking for awhile. I am 50-something, "saved" "officially" in my early 20s, but before then always drawn to God - I had a hard time accepting the fact that I needed to pray a certain prayer for salvation and that this would be the moment I crossed over from death to life eternal (as presented to me in Southern Baptist and Bible church groups). I guess I felt that my salvation was really a journey from childhood on, as I learned more and more about the Father and Jesus, but I ended up going along with the group, accepting the dogma, getting baptized again (sprinkling as an infant didn't "count", I had to be immersed properly) and trying hard to be a true Christian. I always felt rebellious deep down, though, didn't like the emphasis put on evangelizing and telling people about God's love and God's damnation for those who chose to reject His love. I felt schizophrenic, actually, trying hard to understand the doctrines presented to me and that I was supposed to go out and preach. Then I met Calvinists who introduced me to predestination, rather than the freewill views of the Southern Baptists. They made some intellectual sense out of bible verses, but I still couldn't wrap my brain around eternal torture for those not elected. So I'd go back to free will philosophy, but then I'd feel so anxious and worried about my kids, my relatives, my friends - I had to do whatever I could to bring about their salvation! Manipulation tactics, ugh. I feel badly about how I convinced my children to become saved, pray the prayer of salvation, get baptized, etc. I feel like I did a lot of damage.
Going through some major life earthquakes (divorce), I started questioning EVERYTHING I had learned in the church. I explored Catholicism, universalism, orthodoxy, new age...
I found some believers who rejected hell and damnation, but they did it by picking and choosing bible verses to throw out. I felt that if I went down that path, I'd never have anything to hold onto. It came to rejecting God and the bible, or finally, just deciding to accept God's love for now and trust Him to show me truth. Just a waiting on Him.
Long story which I'll leave out details, about my journey of the past five years - remarriage, interesting people and books that God has brought into my path, which led to internet searches, which led to Bible-truths.
The bible makes sense now. It's incredible. I feel like sanity has returned, I don't have to twist my reasoning to understand God and his love.
I read somewhere else on this forum about someone needing to fly under the radar. I sense that too. I've tried to bring up some of what I've learned here to other Christian friends and relatives. Some are really glad to hear it, others get instantly angry with me and really get red-faced! "Sounds like purgatory that you're preaching!", etc.
So I've decided to keep studying Ray's writings and what people discuss here and then, again, wait on God for those He leads to me with questions. I have sent links to two of my kids, but both have declined looking for now - one is saying he is an atheist (I know he is going through the same questions I did, but being more honest about rejecting the dogma he grew up with, the other is a Christian and church go-er, and I hope will someday read the articles on the site if she ever does start to question her church's teachings). Third child is ambivalent about God, and I am waiting until she asks, hoping she will see a change in me from the old mom who taught Religion and who now just is Amazed at God's love and goodness, grace, and mercy, and complete control in all things. So few words to express how Great He Is.
I wanted to add this: every time in my personal bible study recently, when I come across a passage I don't understand, I come to the forum and find that a recent discussion or a link to something easily found and prominently displayed, is right there, related to my particular question! Like God is leading me to answers through this forum and the website. How cool is that!
Karen
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Topic: hello! (Read 11028 times)