It has been almost a year since I asked for prayers for my husband who was diagnosed with cancer which had spread to his bones and I thank so many here who have been kind and offered prayers. For almost two years I have cared for him and time has lost meaning. We've ridden a roller coaster of good days and bad, pain and sadness but every day ended with "I love you." He has struggled to hang on to see pictures of our precious granddaughter who is now here. She arrived a bit early and was in NICU for over a week but is now home safe and healthy. Now the time has run short for my husband and we are no longer counting months or weeks left but hours. His terrible pain seems to have eased somewhat and he has both smiled and cried when he saw the pictures of our beautiful Cadence Marie.
It was a horrible day when my daughter was rushed to an emergency C-section and the baby rushed to the NICU and I couldn't run to her and only wait and pray. My Wayne has been unable to even sit for six months and only lays flat in bed. For several weeks now he is too weak to speak and tumors have spread to both hips, one entire leg, many ribs and a foot long section of his spine. But he prayed to stay with us to see his Cadence safely here and his prayers were answered. Now he feels ready to go and is at peace with his job being done. I am also at peace now as I can no longer watch the physical and mental torture he has endured.
I have had lots of bad times in my life (just as we all have ) but one blessing of getting older is we can look back and see that it isn't us in charge of things. It hasn't been my will but God's that had control all the time. I can look back on awful times and see blessings and gifts that came from awful events. I learned patience and the real meaning of love. I learned that what I thought was best for me wasn't as important as I thought. God has always blessed me, even when I was too stupid to see and thought I knew what I needed more than He did. Even these last two years have served a purpose. My Wayne found Christ. It two years of increasing pain and disease to make him take time out for God. Before that he was too busy; too social, too much work to do and too much fun to have. Life was about enjoying himself and making the most of every day. He needed to stop and listen. And me; well I wanted to fight, regain control, fix him, make him well. Now I give up and God's Will be done. I wanted control but it was never mine. We both had to go through this nightmare to realize the truth. I'm ready to let go and surrender to God's will without a fight. I still know he is with us and loves us. And best of all, I trust Him and know that He was guiding us and helping both of us find our way to Him. I think that Wayne and I are in our last hours together now but there are three of us here. I feel Him here with us and we love Him as He loves us. What a beautiful little girl he sent us and it won't be too long before I can see her and hold her.
Love and peace to all,
Pogo
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Topic: A year later.... (Read 4317 times)