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What is God doing to Me????

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EKnight:
I don't think I can take anymore.  My world appears to be falling apart.  God is just laying it on too thick.

First He takes away the one person in this world that loved me unconditionally and leaves me with alone with no help in the muck and mire of my life.

TJ is just as a mess as always and my husband was dealing with it.  Apparently there's been a rat making it's home in my home.  I've always had mice since we live in the country but rats?????  I've had mass amounts of frogs dying in my pool per day.  My husband's deceased mother's dog who we adopted (I never expected the dog to outlive my husband who was taking care of the three dogs) is incontinent so my whole house smells like urine.  We've got him on 100mg of Proin per day now and hoping that helps but this is after a battery of expensive tests.  I finally went on vacation to NC where the house we rented was infested with millipedes and I had to wait around for exterminators and cleaning people half my vacation which cost me 2800.00 then nearly 1600.00 to board the dogs and have them updated on vaccines. 

My oven isn't working properly, my dryer isn't working properly, the ice maker in the freezer isn't working (not that big a deal).  I need my driveway paved before the winter comes otherwise it will be one sheet of ice and this is going to cost me 5400.00.  I need to have an underground oil tank abandoned as well and I don't know yet what that will be costing.

All these expenses on top of the fact that I just lost more than half my income when Mark died!! AND I now have to pay out of pocket for our health insurance at the rate of 1100.00 a month!

Jack is going back to college on Sunday (which he just told me tonight) and he is the only one who has been taking care of the grounds outside.  I don't know how to operate the ride-on mower and I'm too short anyway.  I'm probably gonna have to pay someone to close my pool because Mark always did it and we bought a safety cover last year that no one knows how to put on.

I know some of this seems trivial but when you relied so heavily on someone and that person is no longer there, every little things is another mountain to climb and I'm just tired of the whole thing.  I'm thankful that Mark left me with enough money to cover these things so far but it won't last forever.

And all I've asked of God so far is to bring Mark to me in my dreams and give me strength.  No dreams and I'm losing my strength both physically and mentally.  Where is the light in all this?  I've been waiting to see the forest through the trees and I can't see a thing.  I know, I know, I'm exactly where God wants me and all in His time not mine.  It's just getting frustrating and I'm really really tired.

Thanks for listening.

Eileen

Cypress:
 :'(

Eileen, I'll pray for you. You remind me so much of my mother when my dad died. My mother didn't even know how to write a check and she was left with so much on her shoulders. My dad did everything around here. Our pool was also full of frogs and had to be torn down (it was above ground) and a lot fell into disrepair. We couldn't pay taxes on our house and for years the Lord used my family in NJ to help us with that so we wouldn't lose the house. Our driveway...God sent neighbors at the end of the block to pave it! I can't even begin to tell you how God has used random people and situations to help us. Throughout everything, God's hand never left us. He always provided and got us through each day, and I know he will do the same for you. When I have my dark days, my mom reminds me that we have to go through the fire. I know you know this...so I'm just going to send you a *hug* instead. I know it's hard, but please keep going, and remember what we are all working towards. I can't wait for that day.

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while you may have to suffer various trials, These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold--though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you... much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.- 1 Peter 1:6-7

Elaine

iris:
Hi Eileen, I am so sorry for your loss. It knocks the wind out of us to lose a love one. I too lost my husband and two of my children. Its hard, but if you pray to God to help you make it through each day, he will. I think John's advice is very good. Instead of trying to solve all the problems at once, just take one at a time. I'l be praying for you.

Love,
Iris

cjwood:
eileen, i will continue to pray for you and your situation. i believe you are stronger than you think you are. Jesus Christ will be your Strength when you have lost your own strength. He is faithful.

claudia

Deborah-Leigh:

--- Quote --- I'm thankful that Mark left me with enough money to cover these things so far but it won't last forever.
--- End quote ---

Hello Eileen

You ask:


--- Quote ---Where is the light in all this?
--- End quote ---


THERE is the light in all this ~ Mark left you with enough money to cover these things so far......

It won't last forever is correct and actually that too is a light under heavy disguise of the trial you are suffering. That it won't last for ever, assures that you have changes coming. These changes are wrought of God who is causing everything as you describe it, right down to the last little rat or mouse, millipede and exterminator. Even the smell of urine is God's responsibility!

Oh dear Eileen ~ I do not know if someone had come to me and written that the six inch glass window and broken telephone connecting me and my amazing husband who was sitting in front of me in orange prison garb, and the horrendous body search that violated my sense of dignity as it was done by a gloating lesbian, before I was permitted to see my husband, and the horror of being mocked that when the prison had no idea where he was - that he may have died, was ALL the Plan of God for me to experience....I don't know if I was told that, if I would have been comforted. No one told me. I was numb in mind heart and soul and the numbness kept me dazed as slowly I began, imperceptibly to my consciousness, I began to unfold into another person completely different to the one that was alive, strong, self assured, determined and confident BEFORE what I experienced! I don't know if I got a letter from you, made visible to the world, open in this Forum, if you had told me that God was doing, causing every little pain, every huge fear and every gross feeling of injustice that I felt in the horror of being disabled, dismembered from my usual platforms of inner sense of security....I don't know if you had said to me what I am saying to you...I don't know if THEN, in the excruciating painful moment of deep suffering and unrecognisable trauma...I don't know if it would then have helped. Probabley not and that is why it did not happen. God caused me to be strenghtened as He saw fit and appropriate and He did make changes in me.

Suffice to say dear Eileen, I feel your suffering as it triggers what I mayself have passed through. I feel the comfort that God loves you. He really does.

Yesterday I heard a song by the Beetles. The lyrics made me think of God and what He does to us.

He loves you...yea, yea, yea....He loves you....yea...yea...yea ???  :(

Then the lyrics say ...You know You hurt her so...she almost lost her mind...but NOW she says SHE KNOWS...You're NOT the hurting kind....! 8) :) ;D

With a Love like that, you know You (God) should be glad (and He will be!)....well God is making the, love like that,  :)  in you, and me, and all of us who are really hurting for Him, calling to Him, crying to Him in desperate heart felt turning to Him for comfort, explanation, some respite and Mercy... and all He is doing is making us into His Image and it hurts like proverbial Hell, but more Scriptural, it is the baptism of fire marking you and me and those who are turned towards Him in our, their darkest most deeply painful moments that HE CAUSES us to be in AND in God's Mercy HE causes us to turn towards HIM...THAT  IS HIM doing it all to turn us to Him and it is HIM doing it all! It is Him marking us as HIS People, His own and we are being marked by the Fire of God. ..... as His.  :-\

I know it may be all very well for me to say, yet dear sister let me inform you, my trials are not over yet...and while I am enjoying a little hiatus from the deep scourging Heat of the Consuming Fire of our God,...I simply wanted to try to help in some way, to help in any way, and just to say yes, I too know what pain is of the kind that marks the Authority of our God making us into His Image. I am not the only one who knows this either. Most of us here know, feel, understand and comprehend what you are experiencing that triggers our own recollections and issues with our personal and not so public grief, woes and trials. This is the way to God's Kingdom. We are on our way. You, I and all of us who God is turning towards HIM and His Responsibility for us not in accusation, confrontation but in recognition...of God, for God towards God who is Powerful beyond any palpet bashing gospel singing hoax that has never felt the Fire. I don't want to put those folks down either but just to show you they don't know nothing yet...and maybe, just maybe, when you are through your ordeal, you shall have to help them folks. I hope you learn something from my effort to help you do a better job than I am only just learning to attempt.

God is working.

A big hug to you.... I have asked God to give you a little break of peace, calm and tranquility of His Peace to strengthen, assure and assist your endurance.

Arc

 

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