Men are happier

[Craig]

Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES
*        If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
*        If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Butthead and Dipstick.

EATING OUT
*        When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
*        When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
*        A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
*        A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
*        A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
*        The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.   A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
*        A woman has the last word in any argument.
*        Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
*        A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
*        A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
*        A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
*        A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
*        A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
*        A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
*        A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
*        A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
*        Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
*        Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
*        Ah, children.   A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
*        A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

[grapehound]

Some gems there Craig!

You should do Marriage Counseling 

[G. Driggs]

Love em Craig. Hope you dont mind if I add a few more that came across?

   1. "I'M GOING FISHING"
      Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

   2. "IT'S A GUY THING"
      Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

   3. "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
      Means: "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"

   4. "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
      Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

   5. "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
      Means: "I have no idea how it works."

   6. "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. I JUST HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
      Means: "I was busy admiring that redhead over there."

   7. "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD."
      Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

   8. "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
      Means: "Are you still talking?"

   9. "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
      Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

  10. "I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
      Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

  11. "OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
      Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt."

  12. "HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
      Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon."

  13. "I CAN'T FIND IT."
      Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

  14. "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
      Means: "What did you catch me at?"

  15. "I HEARD YOU."
      Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

  16. "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"
      Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

  17. "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
      Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

  18. "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
      Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

Thanks for the laughs all, it's good medicine.

[Deborah-Leigh]

I recall these lyrics.....well there you go man. Keep as cool as you can.  It rials them to believe that you perceive the web they weave. Keep on thinking free!