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About my journey...PART 2

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space.ace.jase:
Hi Jessi,

I normally don't post anything but I really enjoyed reading your story - I can relate to some of it.

Especially the part where you said "longing for physical companionship so much. I didn't feel inclined to read my Bible. I just was not sure I could understand it. I never did understand it."

Being single for quite some time it is hard to see other people really happy in couples and feeling like God is withholding this experience from me. Learning to trust God and knowing that he knows what is best for me is really hard but you get there eventually. Just like as a parent you know what is best for your child but of course the child does not understand that at the time. Also as Ray has stated many times God GIVES us spiritual understanding it is not from how hard we try to understand the bible. Sometimes all you need to do is ask - strange I know.

Anyway just though I would comment to say you are not the only one struggling to figure out up from down in this crazy world.

Jase.

tamaralv:
Dearest Jessi,
Welcome to BT's and the forum! Your story has some similarities to mine also. So happy God dragged you to us and I hope this can be a safe harbor for you to share and ask the "hard" questions that the churches of the world couldn't answer truthfully, even if they wanted to take the time to try.
About your baby, Jessi, what a wonderful little miracle you have been blessed with! I work with special needs children in their homes and I was wondering if there are home health agencies where you live. Most of my little clients are covered by Medicaid and they will provide for a certain number of hours for assistance in your home. You don't have to even leave while they are there! You can stay right there with them the whole time or you can choose to leave for some personal time. These kids are so full of love and we can really learn a lot from them, but it's ok to take some time for yourself. You have to take care of you so you can be refreshed and ready to meet all the challanges of taking care of your precious little girl. Please check into what I'm suggesting with your child's insurance company (whatever it may be) and call around to some home health agencies to see if they provide care for little ones. I wish I were closer, but I'll pray that someone special enters your life to help you out. 
Again, welcome!
Peace and Love in Christ Jesus,
Tammy

karenmarie:
Hi Jessi,

I don't have time to come to the forum much, and rarely post, but I identified with quite a bit of your life's experiences. Many of the swatches on your quilt are on mine, too, but perhaps in a different pattern... I could identify with many of your mother's life experiences and I could see one of my children in you! But I also know what you mean about the demonic, too -- I had some frightening things happen to me, which brought me back to faith in God, because as you said, if the demon world exists, then God must also. Thank you for your testimony! It helped to clarify a puzzle that I recently asked God to show me the truth about - your post has provided that. I can see now God's working through a demonic experience to bring me back to Him.

Your words have also given me assurance about God's protection over my children.
Also, I so identify with your past church experiences - as well as your mother's. Agh - good to find kindred spirits, but heartbreaking to remember past hurts by church members as well as realizing that *I* was the cause of hurt in others, too.

I will be praying for your situation - that you will find help and rest in caring for your little ones.

Karen

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