Pain, marriage in trouble

[Craig]

Ray,

I read much on your site until late last night - It is wonderful finally having some bible proof of something I have felt all my life - that ALL are saved!

I know of pain and of miracles - I have experienced both.  You need to imagine your body is in the presence of the most brillant white light you can possibly imagine - the most beautiful you can imagine and that it can cure you.  Allow yourself to commune with the light in your imagination as it is a mental symbol for God.  I hope that eases your suffering.  I look forward to meeting you someday!  I wish you the peace of Christ.

My question:  For the last 10 months I have watched my wife go downhill very rapidly.  At first it was the gaining of the weight (60+lbs in 4 mos) after we quit smoking, the it was the open hostility and anger.   Now she has said several attitudes toward me: 1. Why should I talk to you when we always end up in a fight? and 2. Why should I try anything as nothing is ever good enough for you?  I recently discovered that she had opened up several credit card accounts only in her name and ran them up to about $20k - this is not the first time she has done this, it is the third time and I must put a stop to it but when I said my vows I meant till death do us part.  A dear friend told me I am one of the most committed people she has ever met - true sometimes to the point of stupidity.  There are two children involved and I want them to know the love that exists between parents - they saw it some time ago and want it back but the open hostility has been quite hard on them as well...  I am doing what I can to draw them nearer and help mend their wounds as mom has been gone for a week now.   I am real confused as to what to do and what Christ would have me do, were I to have his mindset.  Can you offer any insight?
May His love fill you and may your pain subside,
Mark


Dear Mark:  I can appreciate the difficulty you are going through. Let me say right up front
that there is no magic bullet that will solve your problem.  We all have similar problems that
are common to mankind:  health problems, financial problems, mental and spiritual problems,
and marital problems.  Few people alive don't have at least one of these, if not two or more.
What is the solution?  I have but one solution for all problems and trials of life:  PRAY AND
OBEY!  God can solve your problems--I CAN'T.  All I can do is encourage you to go to God,
pray to God, obey God, throw yourself on the mercy of God--HE CAN SOLVE ALL OF YOUR
PROBLEMS.

Now that I have said all that, realize that part of the "obey" admonition involves many, many
things, such as maintaining a forgiving and loving attitude.   How often should you forgive your
wife for her sins and hurtful actions?  "Seventy times seven."  Does this then mean that you
allow yourself to be used as a doormat?  No, of course not.  Part of "obeying" involves doing
what God says to do in all such circumstances.  And where might someone go for such sound
instructions?  Well, try the book of Proverbs for starters.  There are hundreds of instructions
with regard to dealing with those who are foolish, demeaning, and hurtful in our lives.  Read
and follow the instructions of God presented there.  Not only will the instructions work, but
God will bless you for obedience!  Hope this helps a little.

God be with you,

Ray



PS.  Yes, of course, I will also be praying for you!

PPS.   I don't believe the book of Proverbs contains any admonition to heal cancer
by visiualizing a bright light healing me, anymore than those who suggest I picture
a pac man eating all of my cancer cells. And obviously the "beautiful bright light" has
had no meaningful effect on healing your social and marital cancer.  Stick to the
Scriptures and sound doctrine, Mark.  I know you mean well, but your suggestion borders
on superstition.