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Woes of a wedded wanderer...
Kat:
Hi Extol,
This life is not easy, the one thing we are guaranteed is that it will be full of problems. If it's not this, it would be something else. Okay, I know I'm just a ray of sunshine ;)
There is no need for regret or contemplating how you could have done something different or better. Things happen the only way they could have happened. Certainly you made choices, but they were not free from causes and could not have happen any other way than they did. So try to make the best of your situation. The most you can do is put forth your very best effort and keep a positive attitude.
Most importantly you have already acknowledge, "I can't do it without Christ." Trust in Him, even if things are not going the way you want them too.
I will pray He will give you the for wisdom and patience you are seeking.
mercy, peace and love
Kat
cjwood:
amen to all the post responses to extol's thread. i add my prayers for you extol, and your wife.
claudia
Extol:
Hi Joe,
Actually, one of the things I'm most thankful for is her openness to receive the truths of God. We were already attracted to each other, but it wasn't until I told her how important my beliefs were that we really fell in love. Also, I made sure to give her a summary of my foundational beliefs (God is sovereign/All will be saved), just to make sure she didn't have a problem with it. God is still working on her regarding the free will thing, but she already agrees that eternal torment is despicable, and not something that a loving God would do.
Most of the problems we've been having are about earthly, temporary things (such as money--I'm a full time student so I haven't worked much in the last year; and she's also out of work right now). In that, I guess I can take heart...we eventually will realize how unimportant some things are, and appreciate what we have in each other.
lostANDfound, your post brought a big smile to my face. Thanks! :D
Thank you all for your encouraging words, and your prayers. <3
Samson:
--- Quote from: Extol on January 12, 2011, 11:23:43 PM ---Hi brothers and sisters,
I'd like to request prayer for my marriage, which is not doing so well. Last summer I married someone I had just met, and (not surprisingly) we are having issues because of things we didn't know about each other. I won't go into details, but we just haven't been getting along well recently.
I've been a cheerful, happy, carefree, light-hearted person. I like to laugh, smile, dance, say Hi to strangers...but now I feel depressed and as if my spirit is being crushed. I never would have guessed that marriage would be the thing to do that. I thought marriage would have increased my joy.
Obviously, I know that this episode is a part of God working all things after the counsel of His will, and I trust that good things will come from this, and that it will be beneficial to my spiritual development. But I need prayer for wisdom and patience. I don't want to be carnal-minded and think things like "If only I had done this or that differently, then we wouldn't have gotten married..." I want to embrace the challenge and press on and overcome. I can't do it without Christ.
--- End quote ---
Hi Extol,
Sorry to hear about Your Marital woes. I can identify with the first paragraph of Your Post. You Married someone that " You just Met," probably knowing very little about the personality traits of Your prospective Mate. Many people, both Male & Female have probably done that, including myself, more than once. Rhetorically Speaking: " Do We ever learn." Of course, but it's part of the process this Male/Female(Husband/Wife) experience. God has given the sons of Mankind(Male & Female) an experience of Evil to Humble Them. And what better way is this accomplished, why in the Marriage setting. Wives are especially adept at exposing Our personal flaws. Actually, in all Marriage settings, Our shortcomings are best identified by Our Mates.
I recall in the past, trying so hard to figure out a way to get along and Co-exist with My Wife(I'm referring to past Marriages) and nothing seemed to work. You can't control yourself, let alone your Marriage Mate. Of course, I'm not suggesting that Your trying to control anyone, but sometimes We believe & hope that by doing what You mention in Paragraph two that things will quickly change for the better. Perhaps, in the long run, but rarely in the short haul. Your experience is a training in progress, especially in the area of Patience and Tolerance.
None of the above is meant to minimize Your Pain and Suffering. In 54 years of Life, I have yet to experience anything more painful than Marital Strife. I will pray for You and hope things eventually improve and Your able to endure. Also, I will include some excerpts of Ray's that might give You some food for thought. I won't include entire sections and questions, just some points for you to ponder. Please Read below, excerpts in blue.
From the Unequally Yoked Paper.
I have personally seen marriages between a believer and a non-believer that were more loving and equally yoked than some marriages between two believers. So we need to pay close attention to ALL the words of these profound Scriptures.
We've all seen matches made in heaven that didn't work out, and conversely, we've seen marriages doomed to failure from day one, that are still going strong (or maybe not so strong, but still going, nonetheless) after 30 and 40 years. Only God knows for sure how marriages will turn out. Birds of a feather flock together, but then again opposites attract. Marriage is an area best left up to the bride and the groom.
We can advise and try to help people see different aspects of a situation. We can relay our own personal knowledge of such things. But we should not get involved in being overly righteous in these matters lest we be guilty of "forbidding to marry" (I Tim. 4:3), which is a doctrine of demons (Verse 1).
The key is becoming "unequally yoked." And that can mean marriage, but it can also mean which church one attends; of which clubs one is a member; which establishments one goes to for entertainment; which TV shows become a regular habit; with whom one becomes business partners; Etc.
From the Email Marriage Guidance, 12/15/07.
I cannot make your wife love you or desire to be with you and you only. Possibly, you can, I'm not sure. But for sure she might see things in you that to her seem selfish and or self-centered (I'm only guessing by some of the things you have expressed). A woman wants to see strength in a man. If she doesn't see it, it is a real turn-off for them. Stop thinking about yourself and direct your attention to the welfare of your wife and family, and just maybe your wife will respond in kind. Sorry I can't go on and on, but I don't know either one of you, so it is not possible for me to give you individual counsel. Besides, this is not my calling--I am a teacher, not a "Dear Abby romantic counselor." Hope you understand. I will pray that both you and your wife will make the right decisions to hold your family together.
God be with you,
Ray
From the Email: Men/Woman Roles, 6/20/07.
Dear Charles: Being the "head" of a household is not a philosophy that is taught, learned, and then believed. I am persuaded that millions of men "believe" that they are the head of their household, when the actual reality of the situation is, their wives are the head. Their wives don't just believe they know who should be in charge, they know for a fact that THEY ARE IN CHARGE. But all too many men have been fooled into thinking that when their wives "say" that the husband is the head, then he is the head.
I learned something profound about the time I finished boot camp in the Army. Leadership is not something that can be assigned to something. Here is what I have come to believe: "You are not a leader unless someone is FOLLOWING YOU!!" Many wives mockingly laugh at all the men who think they are in charge, all the while these wives KNOW that they are in charge of their husbands. Men have seen this situation played out in situation comedies all of their lives, and laugh right along with the audience when a macho husband makes a fool out of himself, and yet fail to see it when it is happening to them in their own family.
Women desire power over men, even if they have zero desire to be president of the United States.. If they achieve this power, their husbands tend to become wimps, which make their wives unhappy. A woman needs a strong man in order to be happy and fulfilled, even when they might not think so. Sadly, however, some men are so weak that their wives find it absolutely necessary to take the leadership role of the family, or it would fall apart. Men need to love, respect, and provide for their wives and family, and then they will show respect for his leadership. These three provisions are ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL to the success of any family. LOVE, RESPECT, PROVISIONS!
My wife follows my lead not because I tell her that I am in charge, but because she sees, feels, and is an eye-witness to the leadership position I take and fulfill. Don't talk about being the leader of your family, just LEAD, and if your family follows, THEN YOU ARE A LEADER, THEN YOU ARE THE HEAD. But you can never be a leader without LOVE, RESPECT AND PROVISIONS.
God be with you,
Ray
Extol, I thought that the above Email answer regarding Roles was pretty good. I don't think that I ever read that one before. As You probably Know, Ray doesn't get too involved in Relationship oriented Emails like Dr. Phil would. Outsiders of a Marriage don't know every detail in a troubled relationship, only hearing one side and even then, none of Us really know, except God. Make Your petitions known to Him. I will Pray for You and I certainly don't envy Your plight, it's not pleasant, that's for sure.
Kind Regards, Samson.
shaggy:
Hi Folks, My name is Jerry but I put Shaggy as My User name, This is my first post here on Bible Truths.
It really bothers me a lot when I see or hear of a Marriage breaking up.
Why does it have to happen?
Can we keep the Faith?
My relationship with My wife has been unbroken and we married when we were 17 years old, in Lebanon Va.
I was just enlisted in the Military and wanted to have a Job before I married her, although we were both young and had our differences from time to time, we worked it out, going on 40 years now, and the more the better.
I don't see why people divorce and loose out on a long life relationship, that in the end can't be bought or even imagined by anyone but the two that are experiencing it.
I today wouldn't trade my Wife for anything made of this earth, and I'm confident she feels the same about me, after all when I was down and virtually homeless she was beside me.
And I beside her.
If there is anything to save this marriage, then it should be saved and all differences dissolved and life must go on.
I'm really sorry that the first post is one of Two people separating, I'm sure there are reconciliation and forgiveness between these Two People.
Please work t out, you'll be glad you did in the end, you never know what life brings on you, but one thing for sure is there is more to staying the curse than there could ever be in destroying what you have between you.
Love you all. I been reading Rays Post a long time on his web page, and I really am glad we have (1) person that really can take time to enlighten us all. He's done a fine job.
Thanks Ray, and hope you are doing OK. Jerry.
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