How to give hope to the hopeless

[G. Driggs]

My Cousins 14 year old son Tony is talking about suicide because of a girl. I know the hopeless feeling in this situation when I was that age. I think my cousin wants me to talk with him but thinking about what to say I can only tell him not to do it, and that his mom should get him some help. Anyone have any experience in this matter? What should I say? I should also add that Tony's father had killed himself when Tony was a baby for the exact same thing. He was a good friend of mine,Tony Sr. Please keep Tony Jr. in your prayers.

Thank you

G.Driggs

[lostANDfound]

this is terrible news.  thankfully our wise Father placed you in his life.  and thankfully a listening ear might be exactly what he needs, with prayer and comfort.  adding my prayers to yours G.Driggs. 

psalm 30:10 Hear, LORD, and be merciful to me;
   LORD, be my help."

11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
   you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
12 that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
   LORD my God, I will praise you forever.

[arion]

The problem with teens is they live in the here and now.  Adults have the benefit of experience to know that situations change and what is a terrible burden now won't last forever.  Unfortunately teens don't have that maturity to be able to look to how they are going to be feeling several weeks from now.  You said 'I know the hopeless feeling in this situation when I was that age', you are already equipped to minister to this boy.  Share with him how it was for you and that how it will get better.  Hard times are a way for us to grow and mature and it's simply a part of life.  Be there for him but be prepared for him to initially resist your efforts.

[Kat]

Hi George,

Well you really can't trivialize what he is going through, it must feel terrible to him. But there are a few things you could share with him, to give him something to think about. He seems to be paying too much attention on this moment in time, as this life is short even if we live to be 100, so he really is dealing with just a moment of time. You could tell him that this life is filled with many experiences to learn from, what he is feeling is one of the more difficult experiences and he should not give up all the rest that is yet to come, because of this. There will be good things to come. I'm thinking that this young man does not know the truth, so does not realize that if he should take his life now it is not the end of it all. We all must give account (Rom 14:12, Heb 4:13), is he ready to stand before the judgment seat of God an give account? 

George you have the truth and have an opportunity to share a few things with this young man. But you must remember that it is God that will ultimately determine each of our destiny. So don't think whether this young man lives or dies rest on YOUR shoulders. God may use you to help him realize some things, but it's all up to God. Praying you have strength, as this is a sticky situation.

mercy, peace and love
Kat

[G. Driggs]

Thanks lostANDfound for the uplifting Scriptures an prayers.

The problem with teens is they live in the here and now.  Adults have the benefit of experience to know that situations change and what is a terrible burden now won't last forever.  Unfortunately teens don't have that maturity to be able to look to how they are going to be feeling several weeks from now.  You said 'I know the hopeless feeling in this situation when I was that age', you are already equipped to minister to this boy.  Share with him how it was for you and that how it will get better.  Hard times are a way for us to grow and mature and it's simply a part of life.  Be there for him but be prepared for him to initially resist your efforts.

That's part of the problem. It took me two years to stop being depressed and get over that girl. But then I did not have the benefit of talking to someone so you make a good point. Thanks Arion you given me something to say to him.



Thanks Kat, I have been wanting to talk to him for a long time now about a couple thing I have learned here at bt. I do not know if this is relevant but he seems to be hung up on scribbling stuff like 666. I can so relate to that too when I was his age. For me it was my way of rebelling against God and everyone. It was also a cry for help.

Yes no matter what happens all is of God, and it is my hope God won't cause him to kill himself.


You have given me much to think about and say, thanks Kat.

[walt123]

Hi,G.driggs

It seem most of us when we were at that age felt this hurt.

This is like losing a Job that we had for a long time,than we lost it some how.

So as days go by ,we start doubting ourselves ,and thinking , we can't do anything.

Here are some things you can do is get his mind off this, hopeless mind set, join a gym, do karate,sky driving,in a group setting,so he can have a" I can do attitude".

Good luck and best wishes  for  your 14yr old cousin Tony.

Walt.

[grapehound]

Some great advice there George.

I spent several years counseling youth.
I once heard the elder sister of such a boy, pronounce," If you love her that much, why do you want to dump a lifetime of guilt on her?"

Today he's happily married with boys of his own.

Just a thought.

Grape

[hillsbororiver]

I once heard the elder sister of such a boy, pronounce," If you love her that much, why do you want to dump a lifetime of guilt on her?"

Today he's happily married with boys of his own.

Just a thought.

Grape

Excellent!

Great stuff here from all, have to give a "thumbs up" to everyone who responded... but I especially liked the quote from the Grapehound's experience.

What exactly is a "Grapehound" by the way? I once owned a dog (pit bull) who loved grapes (not kidding) and as I ate from the bunch he would patiently wait for me to toss some his way, he never missed.

Love and miss that crazy canine...

Please understand I am not comparing you to a dog in any way Grape but your screen name always reminds me of ol' Jake.

Peace,

Joe

[grapehound]

Lol Joe !  No offence taken.

Grapehound is a character from one of my stories; a man after truth.viz:

If Jesus is the Vine, and we are the branches; and the branches bear fruit?
Well they oughta be grapes!
That's what he's searching for;  the fruit of the vine.

It's from a screenplay, "Sons of Thunder".
I hope to 'put it to bed' this year. Three years is long enough!

Love & Blessings

Grape !

ps. I can't trust a man that doesn't like kids or dogs!
     

[grapehound]

Luv ya right back Janine!

Thanks for those sweet words.

Love and Peace, Dear heart.

[hillsbororiver]

Lol Joe !  No offence taken.

Grapehound is a character from one of my stories; a man after truth.viz:

If Jesus is the Vine, and we are the branches; and the branches bear fruit?
Well they oughta be grapes!
That's what he's searching for;  the fruit of the vine.

It's from a screenplay, "Sons of Thunder".
I hope to 'put it to bed' this year. Three years is long enough!

Love & Blessings

Grape !

ps. I can't trust a man that doesn't like kids or dogs!
     

Thanks Grape,

Now the mystery is solved 

Hope you meet your goal and complete your screenplay soon!

Peace,

Joe

[Roy Coates]

George, The first thing I would ask him is this: Do you really want to kill your self or do you want the pain to stop? If it is a matter of hurting and not knowing how to stop the pain it is most likely a cry for help. If on the other hand he says he wants to die consider this; does he have a plan? does he have the means? this is critical and professional help is strongly urged in this situation. (just my humble opinion and how I do it at the office) Praying for you and him.

[lostANDfound]

i think i'd probably study up on the bible and rays teaching on 666 too, just to have in your pocket.

[cjwood]

after reading your original thread post on this george, my first thought was that tony, jr. communicated to someone that he was considering suicide because of a girl.  his telling someone about his pain, IS a cry for help.  my cousin's son used to threaten suicide too, starting about the same age as tony, jr.  he had been to counseling, due to his depressed state, and seemed to be getting along fine.  but, then one day my cousin came home and found her son dead at his computer.  he had blown his head off.  it is a horrible, horrible reality.  and, it is all proof again, that it is ALL in God's hands.  no matter the outcome.  george, i will pray for tony, jr. and that Father God will impart mercy, comfort, and grace to him, to you, and to your cousin.  tony, jr. may be thinking that suicide will be the cure for his pain, seeing how that is how his own father ended his pain through suicide. 

God be with you each step of the way george.

claudia

[Deborah-Leigh]

 

I am right there with you, George, with your loved ones, and I am holding out for you, rooting for you and your sweet little Tony. I have a son the same age.

The Face, Love and Triumph of Christ desires no such thing as self destruction. May His Face turn to you all and shine His love into the heart of Tony's anguish and pain.

His Love  and Compassions be to you, your wife and children and not least of all, Tony.  Our Creator,  has not left His vocation in vain, to make appeals on our behalf to Father. I doubt that He would ever come into any agreement with any generation before you however closely tied to your family genetic bonds, that Tony should lose this battle. May HIS Power compass you about and extend to Tony,  and His Will be done.

Deborah