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[lostANDfound]

hi all, i've written and erased this post many times in previous weeks.  there's too much to put here but basically there is a mess of problems with my mother-in-law, her relationships with her sons, emotional abuse, addictions, and recently a suicide attempt.  i have questions about WHAT Is THE RIGHT THING TO DO!??  the few times she'll answer the phone she complains of being cold, hungry, having to sell furniture.  in the past she would only accept cash and we finally figured out (thank-you Father) that we shouldn't give her cash, but instead only directly pay for groceries, mortgage bills, etc.  then came the suicide attempt which would have been successful if God hadn't stirred us up to call the cops and break her door down after she'd been unconscious for 3 days.  and now she just doesn't ask for anything, which should be a relief, but i find even more disturbing after years of watching her manipulate her sons for money.  it seems like my husband has washed his hands of it all but i think it's a coping mechanism for him.  i am so grateful that we have prayer as a first and last resource for these situations but i'm hoping for some practical advice on what i can do to love her with a Chirst-like love. 
thanks.

[Deborah-Leigh]

Pushing a porcupine away, when it wants a hug, can make it bristle more.

Embracing the porcupine to not live alone anymore, and move in with you.....?

We aren't talking a about a porcupine, but a person in great need of help. There are some professional therapies available also to ease the suffering of suicidal people.

Not a easy experience for you or your husband lostANDfound.

You have my sympathies and prayers

Deb.

[Nan]

I will pray for your situation.

[lostANDfound]

we've offered many times to have her come live with us.  she hasn't accepted any form of help unless it's cash.  she won't see us for any reason right now, but in the past she would only see us if we agreed to bring her money.  she is a bitter, hurt, enslaved, lonely person that God has placed in my life.  she has amazing children and grandchildren who she consistently alienates to feed her "victim" mentality.  you can probably sense a fair bit of exasperation mixed in with the concern i feel for her.  i feel as though we're just spinning our wheels in whatever we attempt with her.   

[Deborah-Leigh]

I get the picture lostANDfound and I also get this picture....that you have opened your arms and heart and home to her and this gesture shall return to you to warm heal and bless you in time to come.

Blessings be on you andyour husband, as you endure
Deb

[lostANDfound]

thank-you for your encouraging words and prayers Arc. 
thank-you too Nan for your prayers.

John from Kentucky: i'm trying to understand your tone, perhaps i have it wrong.  i don't want to control her, i want to rest knowing that i have done as i should towards her.  if she dies tomorrow, or if she finds truth in this life and repents, or if she goes on a 10 year in-the-gutter on-the-news bender, it is part of our Fathers plan.  i know that.  it's more that my desire to "do the right thing" is frustrated by the fact that i don't know exactly what the right thing is in this situation.  i don't believe we're called to just kick back and watch the show- we're IN the show.  and i feel as though you might not have thought through the statement "let Jesus save her."  none of us are in any position to "let", "allow", "authorize" or "enable" the creator of the universe to do or not do anything.  so we drop the "let" part.  Jesus will save her.  i want to be a useful tool in the masters hand in this process of saving her.  despite our unworthiness, it pleases Him to use us to achieve His work.   yes i'll be useful IF God intends me to and i won't if He doesn't.  i get that too.  i feel like i might be stepping off of solid ground here so correct me if i'm wrong, but (part of) how he gets us to do His will is by motivating us to, and i'm motivated.  but now what?   
i suppose to answer my own question, i look to Him for guidance.       

despite my confusion or maybe difference of opinion, thank-you too for your response, John from Kentucky.  i pray that this is received in the spirit it was given.

[GaryK]

  i don't know exactly what the right thing is in this situation.    i want to be a useful tool in the masters hand in this process of saving her.  POSTED BY LOST AND FOUND

Not that it matters to the pricing of tea in china, but it appears to me that you and John are 'talking past each other'.....as John put it the other day in another topic.

You have the right attitude, and your love and compassion for another human being is showing itself.  Sometimes that may be all you CAN do.   Rest assured, and I believe everyone will agree, if he, Christ, wants to use you as a tool in the process, any process he has in his plan, that is what you will do.

   

the best thing most men can do is to just shut up. POSTED BY JOHN IN KENTUCKY

John, I too, so often speak rather bluntly and to the point, not so much when I write in a forum presence, but in person.   And most times I don't mean it to come out exactly the way it sounds....but it does....and my wife is all too often begging me to 'soften up a bit'.  All that is to say that I believe your point, and your words were not so much tough, but direct.  And there's nothing wrong with that in my book.   Some could say it's a bit of tough love.  And sometimes standing back IS tough love, but, is also what is needed in some instances.  Tough love is like common sense in this world now, very little of it.

But the part I really understand,as I too get older in age, is the 'shut the mouth' part.  And now, I too, will do just that.

gk

PS: If anyone is offended by this post, please re-read the 'tough love' part.     

[lostANDfound]

John from Kentucky: no harm done my friend!  i really was just trying to understand what you meant, and make what i meant more clear.  thank-you again for your advice, which i think i understand a bit better now. 

GaryK:  you are a peacekeeper at heart, aren't you?  thanks.

and for the record, "bluntness" might be something we 3 have in common.  blessing or curse?  i suppose it's how you wield it.  either way, i'm very thankful for the backspace button as it is WELL used.  just need one for my mouth.