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[arion]

Dear Tech Support,
 
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.

In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as  Football, Sailing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.
 
What can I do?
 
Signed, Desperate
 
...
 
 
Dear Desperate,
 
First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears.

Don't forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewelery and Flowers, but remember - overuse of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
 
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband.
 
In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food and Lingerie.
 
Good Luck,
Tech Support

[Linny]

That was very funny! 

[Deborah-Leigh]

LOL  I'd like to see the up-grade from girl friend to wife. I think that could be equally funny! 

Oh the lives we live. Oh the lessons we learn, and there always, but for the Grace of God, we all go. 

Blessings
Arc

[arion]

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began expected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run,crashing the system whenever selected.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favourite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,

A Troubled User.



REPLY:



Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this.

Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation.

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C: \ APOLOGIZE. Because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds5.0!

WARNING!!!

- NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Good luck,

Tech Support

[grapehound]

Excellent stuff Arion!

Have you got one for Churchianity Pastors 4.5 ? or Atheists 6.0 ?

[Deborah-Leigh]

 Yea! You see.... Men ARE from Mars and Woman ARE from Venus!! I knew it! lol....

So much to learn, such little time to learn it in...

Blessings
Deb

[olasupo jacobs]

lol...pls you got me laughing for a long time with this technological joke..but very real
its amazing how every human invention and modern gadget is applicable to the normal pattern of Nature
really " there is nothing new under the sun"....keep it up am expectant about the churchianity and pastors software
be sure to add Trojan Horse Virus as on of thier xteristics...stay blessed

ps: my computer underline churchianity...