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[Oatmeal]

I wrote something the day before yesterday.  The main paragraph of that is the first paragraph below.  Yesterday I wrote something, and the first paragraph of that is the second paragraph below.  Your comments would be appreciated.

I am going through a very difficult time at the moment.  If you knew my true circumstances, you would be surprised.  I am not asking that you pray for relief, but for wisdom and knowledge and for God to cause me to continue in Him, and actually I am asking for things to become worse, a lot worse if necessary, that I will be caused to go to the lowest room, and to stay there until I am called to move higher.  I am frightened and afraid, who likes the path to the lowest room, who can bear it?  But I must go there, I want to go there, I desire to go there.  Please pray that I will experience the despair, the loneliness, the hopelessness, even the terror, of the lowest room, of a Psalm 107 experience.  I want to be destroyed.  Please pray that whatever I decide, whatever I think, that God will continue the work.  At the moment I can walk out of the situation that God has put me in (looking from a human viewpoint), and that scares me.  Where is the death that I am seeking, when will it come my way?


God really hammered me today.  I was planning on talking to somebody about the faults in his life (to be specific: he says that he wants to do the will of God but the will of God that has been laid out in the Scriptures he does not do).  And then I got hammered.  It’s not that I can’t talk to people, it’s that I must talk from the low place.  God reminded me that I have NOTHING that He did not give me.  When I say that God hammered me, it was my carnal mind that got hammered.  It didn’t like it at all.  I complained: why did God not just tell me, why was He so violent?  And God said to me (God speaks to me?) that He was very gentle in regard to the physical circumstances, it was my mind that perceived it as violent.

[judith collier]

Dear Oatmeal, please do not continue with this desire unless you are 100% sure it is of God. Only with God holding your mind in His hand will you survive. Let God decide how best to bring you along. I would rather die than ever go to that place again where there is no hope, no life, no good thought and utter despair. I will pray for you for sure.
I do not understand the total picure you paint but I see a desire for God and courage for what might need to be done. ? Do not trust your perception at this time but rather the word of God. He will always work in you if you desire but in his way, not yours.
We as humans do not even break a horse the way you describe but just firmly and over and over. There is no need to be broken as you desire. God can accomplish this in many ways. I see the ego attempting to make you think you are of such a deplorable nature and equating yourself with despicable prisoners who would not listen to God (which can be pride, by the way) that it actually makes me fear for you.
love,judy

[GaryK]

I wrote something the day before yesterday.  The main paragraph of that is the first paragraph below.  Yesterday I wrote something, and the first paragraph of that is the second paragraph below.  Your comments would be appreciated.

I am going through a very difficult time at the moment.  If you knew my true circumstances, you would be surprised.  I am not asking that you pray for relief, but for wisdom and knowledge and for God to cause me to continue in Him, and actually I am asking for things to become worse, a lot worse if necessary, that I will be caused to go to the lowest room, and to stay there until I am called to move higher.  I am frightened and afraid, who likes the path to the lowest room, who can bear it?  But I must go there, I want to go there, I desire to go there.  Please pray that I will experience the despair, the loneliness, the hopelessness, even the terror, of the lowest room, of a Psalm 107 experience.  I want to be destroyed.  Please pray that whatever I decide, whatever I think, that God will continue the work.  At the moment I can walk out of the situation that God has put me in (looking from a human viewpoint), and that scares me.  Where is the death that I am seeking, when will it come my way?


God really hammered me today.  I was planning on talking to somebody about the faults in his life (to be specific: he says that he wants to do the will of God but the will of God that has been laid out in the Scriptures he does not do).  And then I got hammered.  It’s not that I can’t talk to people, it’s that I must talk from the low place.  God reminded me that I have NOTHING that He did not give me.  When I say that God hammered me, it was my carnal mind that got hammered.  It didn’t like it at all.  I complained: why did God not just tell me, why was He so violent?  And God said to me (God speaks to me?) that He was very gentle in regard to the physical circumstances, it was my mind that perceived it as violent.

No you don't.  

You think you do, but you don't.

On the other hand, I don't know what 'lowest room' you're talking about either.  

But as to the rest, I don't think you might know what you're asking.