Wow, Alex. Truly, WOW!
(if I can call you Alex)
You're right. Looking after a crown and a throne as the reason for following God is kind of counterproductive isn't it? Not kind of, actually, TOTALLY.
GK,
I'll admit it. There are days, as I said in my Testimony-Work in Progress post, that I say, "God, you said you'd never put more on me than I can bear, but sometimes, I really REALLY wish you didn't have so much faith in me." I've said it, even in anger (and with a lot more offensive language). Then, this little voice reminds me that it's done because He loves me. If He didn't love me, He wouldn't care. It might be a weird way of looking at it, but that's my thinking.
As I said in that post, I've been raped. I've been beaten (physically and emotionally). I've been called an embarrassment by my own parents. I've been betrayed by family and friends; I've been abandoned by those closest to me. I've been publicly humiliated by people who were supposed to be friends. I've been called everything under the sun by those who were supposed to be friends and family. I have a debilitating illness that doesn't have a cure that I live with every day of my life. I don't have a job; I'm a college dropout; I'm a failure in the eyes of society.
But I still see God's love. I may be getting the everliving cr*p kicked out of me (and it could be a WHOLE lot worse), but I still see and feel His love, and I know it's for something far better than I can currently see. As Alex put it, so what which resurrection I'm in, as long as I get to be with Him, I'll be happy. I'm not saying any of this from a position of, "OOOO look at me" or "Oh, feel sorry for poor old me." Never. I know I'm dirt. I'm worthless. I'm scum of the earth, but that mighty, awesome, powerful God that created the Stars, the Planets, Comets, Galaxies,
everything LOVES me - a miserable, broken, weak, wretch of a human being like me. Just knowing that gets me through sometimes when I know I've fallen, I've messed up, and I've sinned. I want to truly be able to say that I love Him with everything in me... God's still working on that in me because I feel so lost sometimes, so far away that how could He ever reach me, but I keep hope, and I keep pressing forward inch by inch, centimeter by centimeter sometimes. Hope springs eternal as the saying goes.
And there are lots of people out there that have it a whole lot worse than me. I cry when I watch the news and hear of people going through the absolute scum of life's experience, but just think... if Life can be this bad, this horrible, this corrupt, this disgusting... how much greater and grander will it be with Him? The joy of the Lord, the love like we've never known love before, the peace that passes all understanding, and just to be with Him... makes it all worth it to me.
Hope that didn't come across as preachy or "Bad, GK, Bad!" I didn't mean it that way. I am speaking from the heart. Please, forgive me if it came across as anything other than that.