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[lilitalienboi16]

I feel that, the high that comes from finding love and knowing love out weighs everything I've ever done. I've found that having a bond that words could not describe between a lover, between friends, between family is just so much greater than what I do in my everyday life and it makes me question everything. I can honestly say i've never learned anything, not one thing in school that I could say has improved my life or given me some sort of tool that I am grateful for. Everything I've ever learned that has caused me to cherish life and to grow as a person, to wonder about the universe and marvel at everything I know has been through life lessons. "Street smart" I suppose you could say? This increasing difficult semester has caused me to realize that I don't think I want to go through med school. I just don't care enough to want to put myself through that for knowledge that in my opinion is not worth its price. I've just realized I don't care about anything much anymore other than "Street smarts." So i'm asking you, whats the point of it all? Why does this life feel like almost nothing matter other than love? Why does a new bond of love with someone feel so much stronger and important than all the education in the world? It just makes me feel like everything i've done with my life for the past 18 years has been a waste of time. I mean, I'm thankful for the ability to speak English, to do math etc.. but their comes a point where the difficulty far outweigh its practical use or purpose.  In my opinion, I find it more valuable to be able to play guitar and sing a beautiful song from the heart than to be able to perform an organic chemistry synthesis problem properly. To be able to express oneself artistically. To be carefree and happy over being stressed and paniced because of exams and low grades. To be happy with those you have near and dear to you. So whats the point of it all, if everything that matters in life doesn't cost you a penny, doesn't cost you 18 years of education. Whats it all for? What do you do with your time? I guess I just can't find a reason for my life, a purpose, because everything I want is here and everything i'm chasing after doesn't really matter to me at all.

I know i've left this rather open ended.. partly because I Just want to hear how people feel and what people have to say about this. I know i'm not the only one whose felt this way or probably still does feel this way. Please don't be shy, share with me your experiences. I need to hear this.

[lilitalienboi16]

Btw if anyone wants to get into my head while I was writing this, i was listening to these two songs; they helped me clear my thoughts and get a direction with them. Might help you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7THFdsjkdtY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3I0qFOcxv0

[jingle52]

Hi Italienboi16,
Life now for you has a different meaning because you are probably still living with your parents and so do not have all that many responsibilities to weigh you down. But believe me, when you reach your 30’s God willing, you’ll wonder why you didn’t continue your studies and earn that piece of paper which will pay the various bills (you will of course want to get married - mortgage, children’s schooling, clothes, car, food) etc etc. 
That piece of paper (diploma/doctorate/degree or even manual skills like electrician, plumber etc ) will get you through life without having the many problems/ embarrassments (having to ask parents,/relatives/friends for money) it will cause you if you hadn’t made provisions early on in life for your future needs….
If you are not living with mom and dad but sharing a place with somebody, then you’ll still need to procure money for your daily needs and pay your share of the bills…
That’s a hard lesson in life we each have to go through.
You can do both things.. work hard now for a smoother future and still enjoy doing what you love, or face an uncertain future……
But we cannot say how long our life is here on this earth, only God is the One with that information..
That is just how I see things…
Blessings

[tau]

I couldn't agree more with jingle52. Sometimes life present a picture of a road well travelled, and contrast it with the narrow road. If one is being truthful, not many given a chance will go through the narrow road, its hard, arduous, painful, less self fulfilling and at times it does not make sense. Who in their rightful mind would subject themselve to so much torture given the alternative?. So, with rose coloured glasses we turn to make decisions in our earlier life without cares of how the future may turn out, we become less appreciative of the time life affords us to make proper planning, we hurry in head first without any cares in the world. But i kid you not, once you have travelled for a long while on this road, you have to contend with the full force of more people coming on this road, while you yourself having to make a u-turn!! , the words of Lord Jesus Christ start to have a real meaning, 'there is a road that seems okay in the eyes of a human, but its end is death' (not quiet like that, but you get the picture). So, one then has to make a choice early on in life to commit to the gift/talent that God has given them which they can notice early and work on, it makes a difference later on in life. When you have grown, as Jingle52 says, and you are about 30, there is no more going back to 18! the life chores and other 'grown up' responsibility hits you so hard on your face and by then you may have no one. Not all of us come from rich families, even some of those from rich families have to find their way in life. Consider yourself lucky if God gave you a talent\potential, hang on to it for dear life, cause i can assure you, when you are grown you will wish you did. Paul says when i was a child i thought as a child, but boy, when i became big??! Now there in lies the challenge. Jesus also says if you are faithful with the little he gives you, then he can trust you with a lot more, that requires you to earn it via putting into practical use what may be currently given to you. Choices are not so easy once you are grown, life dictates the direction and most people labour through life just to make ends meet. So, choose your road carefully, short term enjoyment or life of early sacrifice and contentment when you are grown, no one can make that decision for you, we all have to find our paths in life. We all are greatful for those who go before us as we can always have them as examples of how not to become failures in life. Hope this helps, as Ray always says, i speak as a fool

[Linny]

I wish I'd had parents who taught me to reach for my dreams and to find my passion in life. Too many people look for some kind of job to make them money. They spend years of their lives attaining it and stress over all of it only to find that it wasn't what they expected at all when they reach the end.

Good for you for looking for what is important while you still have your youth to enjoy.

If you find what you love to do, you won't dread your daily life. So many people live for the week-ends and are miserable with what they do.

I am blessed to be doing what I most love and while it is a sacrifice for us, we wouldn't trade all the money in the world for what we have. I am home with my family everyday and I teach my children myself. I can't imagine them being gone from 7-4 like the neighbor's kids are.

I say this just to emphasize, find your passion and how you can make a living doing it. If you love what you do every day, it won't matter that it may not pay a doctor's salary.
The rat race is just that.

[Joel]

Ecclesiastes was written around B.C. 977 by King Solomon, Many of life's questions are answered in that short book of the Bible. Helps me to read it now and again. As Ray has said "We live better today than some royalty has in the past." Or something to that effect.

Joel

[HoneyLamb56]

lilitalianboi16: 

what the others have responded here is good food for thought; I feel that no matter what career choice one makes you can still have the passion of love of being with others (friends, family); music or other hobbies that brings a feeling of self worth and expression of love etc.  You feel you do not wish to pursue the med profession and this may not be for you; what I do see in a a medical profession is love of people; wanting to help etc.; not the money or prestige that comes from that profession; to me it would be the self worth and compssion of what one can do for someone else and not be caught up in the worldly aspect of such a profession;  here in Canada we desperately need doctors; I keep asking myself "what has happened to the passion of caring for others?"  yet there are those in the med profession that shouldn't be, -- but I think it boils down to the feelings that you have; plus time and funding.  God has given us our individual talents and abilities; Keep praying that God will help you to see your path.  When our son was young we thought he was going to be a writer or something along those lines because we thought that was his talent; when it came time for him to go to university, he didn't know what he wanted to do; thank God for his geography teacher who saw something in him and steered him into that field; he initially wasn't sure if that's the career path he wanted; he graduated and found employment in that field and enjoys it. 
God works in mysterious ways.

[longhorn]

As long as they keep making cherry flavored popsicles Im ok.  So relax.  As for love, J. Giles band said it best, " Love Stinks".

Longhorn

[JohnMichael]

Do you want a "spiritual" answer or a physical one?

Spiritual - To learn the lessons God has chosen for us to learn, every man in his order, and in God's timing.

Physical - To go through hell on earth to learn spiritual lesson(s) mentioned above.

[Duane]

It sounds to me like you are a very mentally gifted person or you wouldn't have been accepted at a medical school.  From working a section of my life in the field
of mental health, it sounds like you are suffering from mild depression.  I would
suggest getting "checked out".  You whole career could take a positive upswing
if we are just talking a chemical imbalance which can easily be corrected with the
correct medicine. 
My whole family was affected by depression or, in my case, manic/depression and is
is controlled by a simple pill, which changed my life.
Please consider it, as you life could affect thousands of people needing your God-given skills.

[daywalker]

I feel that, the high that comes from finding love and knowing love out weighs everything I've ever done. I've found that having a bond that words could not describe between a lover, between friends, between family is just so much greater than what I do in my everyday life and it makes me question everything. I can honestly say i've never learned anything, not one thing in school that I could say has improved my life or given me some sort of tool that I am grateful for. Everything I've ever learned that has caused me to cherish life and to grow as a person, to wonder about the universe and marvel at everything I know has been through life lessons. "Street smart" I suppose you could say? This increasing difficult semester has caused me to realize that I don't think I want to go through med school. I just don't care enough to want to put myself through that for knowledge that in my opinion is not worth its price. I've just realized I don't care about anything much anymore other than "Street smarts." So i'm asking you, whats the point of it all? Why does this life feel like almost nothing matter other than love? Why does a new bond of love with someone feel so much stronger and important than all the education in the world? It just makes me feel like everything i've done with my life for the past 18 years has been a waste of time. I mean, I'm thankful for the ability to speak English, to do math etc.. but their comes a point where the difficulty far outweigh its practical use or purpose.  In my opinion, I find it more valuable to be able to play guitar and sing a beautiful song from the heart than to be able to perform an organic chemistry synthesis problem properly. To be able to express oneself artistically. To be carefree and happy over being stressed and paniced because of exams and low grades. To be happy with those you have near and dear to you. So whats the point of it all, if everything that matters in life doesn't cost you a penny, doesn't cost you 18 years of education. Whats it all for? What do you do with your time? I guess I just can't find a reason for my life, a purpose, because everything I want is here and everything i'm chasing after doesn't really matter to me at all.

I know i've left this rather open ended.. partly because I Just want to hear how people feel and what people have to say about this. I know i'm not the only one whose felt this way or probably still does feel this way. Please don't be shy, share with me your experiences. I need to hear this.

"Open ended" indeed. It seems to me there's a lot more going on than what little you shared. True also you are "not the only one whose felt this way" because I have felt similarly at times.

You say that "i've never learned anything, not one thing in school that I could say has improved my life or given me some sort of tool that I am grateful for".... I highly doubt that. Sounds like you are blinded by frustration and I get that. Should you change your mind and decide to go through med school, you could potentially be given the ability to SAVE people from death and disease! What better way to show someone LOVE? The most beautiful song in the world can't cure a disease!

What you do with your life is between you and God. But I sincerely hope you don't turn down med school because you think that no good can come out of it. You'll need a better reason than that. I'm a huge fan of the guitar, but I can't see how you can say a song is more valuable than a doctor curing someone from cancer, or some other fatal disease.  I can appreciate that you are going through tough times. The decisions you make in the next few months will have a huge impact on your life, and this pressure can get overwhelming. I will keep you in my prayers. God be with you,

Christopher.

[GaryK]

Please don't be shy, share with me your experiences. I need to hear this.

You're placing a high bet on what sounds like strong emotions on a roller coaster.   Best relax, get sleep (lot's of it) and use your brain. 

You're young, lean on that fact.

gk   

[lilitalienboi16]

First of all, I wanted to say I read all your responses. Thank you! I also wanted to clarify a few things.

I'm not currently in medical school, but i'm working towards it. I've been in college for almost five years now. The requirements to get into medical school are astounding. You have no idea what they put you through, like jumping through hoops of fire in which none of the things you have just been put through really even bare relevance to actually "saving" someones life physically.

I know I would love to be a doctor, to work in a hospital or work with children as a pediatrician. I would really enjoy this and I can't really see myself anywhere else. The problem is the one I just mentioned and it conflicts with my personality and who I am as a person.

You see... I'm rather lazy. I enjoy ALOT of time to myself, to think. I'm rather anti-social in this sense and rather odd as I don't really do as my peers do. Study group? I'd rather study alone. I suppose i'm very picky about those I surround myself with. I have a mild form of dyslexia and am extremely ADD. (Atleast I think.) I can sit all day and play a video game, run four miles at the gym and lift weights, but find no motivation to do the homework thats due the next day.

So What i'm saying is ALL the stuff that stands in my way to get there as a doctor, i have NO motivation to learn because the stuff they are making me learn bares little to no relevance in being a doctor. I'm not going to be asked to synthesis an organic compound of this type with these reagents on the operating table or on said patients check up. I'm not going to be asked to find the torque required to rotate the wheel at said angular velocity. I mean its absolutely rediculous. I'm not going to be asked to use EMSA in a research laboratory as a doctor. I'm not yet in medical school and I've spent five years learning things that they require you to learn before you can take the MCATS to get into medical school where you FINALLY start learning things of relevance to your field. Everything before that, that the stuff i've spent 5 years learning seems to bare little relevance on what a doctor needs to know. My dad told me the stuff i'm learning, HE NEVER learned in school. He says I'm doing way more than he ever did. My dad is a dentist, an oral doctor and went to med school 20-30 years ago. They wonder why suicide rates are so high for my generation, 20 years ago it was unheard of getting rejected from a college, now you have to apply to 30 different ones because its al you worry about. 20 Years ago you could get a good  paying job and be middle class without having a masters degree, now if you don't have a masters degree they won't hire you at Mc donalds! (I kid, but you get the point.) I don't know... i'm just ugh. Your answers have motivated me to continue pushing forward, but I'm going to kick and scream teh whole way there. Its just a shame, my grades suffer because I have littler interest in all this "extra" stuff i'm learning now that has nothing to do with me being a doctor, yet those seame classes are so important for me getting into medical school. It's in the Lords hands, if He wants me in a position to work in a hospital with the power to by His grace to save someone from the jaws of death than He will get me there. I'd love to work in a children hospital.. that be amazing.. but curse all this garbage that stands in my way of getting there.

Im posting this because I Just need someone to talk.. i need experience, I need companionship through all this, its so hard and i'm the worse possible person to have this desire because of who I am as a person. Lazy, ADHD anti social boy spawned by this ever faster moving society of ours.

Feel free to comment more, it's helping me to just talk about what im feeling. Thanks everyone for your responses and God bless you.

P.S. I'm not depressed, I'm just trying to understand myself and why I feel and think the things I do. (:

[GaryK]

It's in the Lords hands, if He wants me in a position to work in a hospital with the power to by His grace to save someone from the jaws of death than He will get me there.


P.S. I'm not depressed, I'm just trying to understand myself and why I feel and think the things I do. (:

I'll chime in once again, provided you don't mind.  And yes, I know it's rather blunt but I'm that way most of the time, so here goes.


The first quote above is what is true.  Period.  You already know that.   So, once again, LEAN on it and let it ride.  Your shoes will fall where they fall.  That's it.

As for 'relevance'........how do YOU know it's of no relevance.  (beside the point, actually)

Now to the PS part: 

Because you are young.  You're not doing anything different than anyone else your age is doing, or did 30 years ago, so it's not as perplexing as you may think.  Quite normal.   I have a neice going through the same thing and about to enter law school.  Same questions, same perplexities.  But she's going to school and she understands the, (ahem)........ 'personal motivation'.......... she's receiving, so she understands enough to set aside those complexities she's feeling.  And so should you.


Sorry about the scriptural references not being included but I've read your posts over a few years, you know where to find those.

gk

[Duane]

I have read so many letters like yours over the years nd they aren't to be taken lightly.  Your desire to communicate your feelings is GREAT but it is still a "cry for help".  I strongly urge you to seek help oncampus because you have  all the markers of being clinically depressed.  Nothing wrong with that except if it goes unchecked it can lead to self-destruction.  The "laziness" is just one of the signs. 
With the correct medication the self-worth, meaningless of purpose, the happiness
will return as well as the ambition.  Seen it over and over. 
As far as the studies, I minored in psychology in college, and you wonder what all the theory has to do with real life.  And running rats around hardly prepares one for counselling others. Yet the FOUNDATION of learning is necessary to appreciate the whole later!
Last thought,  if being a doctor doesn't "cut it", there is sure a tremendous, gowing need for physical therapists, occupational, recreational therapists, all kinds of specialists as the world's population is getting older,  You ought to see the joy when I visit the hospital where I spent several months recovering from a stroke that paralyzed my whole left side and the same people that rolled me onto a tarp and lifted me from place to place (like beached whale) and later taught me how to use a wheelchair and keep my hands out of the spokes, see me walking around with NO CANE AND NO WALKER!  That joy could be YOURS!  Keep on, keeping on.  God didn't give you a mind that can grasp subjects we can't even pronounce for nothing!
But first, take care of your mental health and everything else will fall into place.

[Craig]

Alex

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7QCbCwmtXc

Craig

[lilitalienboi16]

Alex

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7QCbCwmtXc

Craig

Craig, I freaking love you! <3

[G. Driggs]

Ever consider some sort of accelerated med school program? Something that would let you skip all the bull and get to the nitty gritty?

G.Driggs

[Linny]

If you truly want to help people get well rather than medicated, I'd go into Naturopathy. It won't cost you a fortune or a hundred years of school and you'll actually be able to help people get better! 

[Dave in Tenn]

Three lies I believed when I was your age.

1.  The world is ending soon.

2.  If the Lord wants you to do something, He will make it easy.

3.  The world is ending soon.

When I stop and look at the mess my natural life is in, it makes make want to reach back in time and SMACK some folks.  To say that "it is God working in us both to will and to do His good pleasure" is only sometimes speaking of the "miraculous".  Most of the time, what is HIS good pleasure bears a remarkably strong resemblance to what we want (will) to do.  It's pretty obvious when that is not the case.  At least that's what I think.

Do your heart's desire, Alex.  Work on yourself along the way to change the things about yourself that get in the way of your better dreams.  Both the journey AND the destination matter.  Your "doctoring" may not be 'eternal', but becoming a doctor IS. 

And if the Sovereign LORD God wants to change that, He knows how to change your 'want-to' too.

Do good.