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Welp, the Divorce rate just spiked!!
daywalker:
Thank you again everyone for your overwhelming love, prayers and support.
I am feeling much better today, though I'd be lying if I said the hardest part was over. But I've come to accept that she really is serious about this divorce and that there's no turning back or reconciliation. In her own words, she says she "loves me, but is not longer in-love with me". She said when she looks at me she sees her best friend and nothing more. This is very hard for me to hear because I was that guy in high school that tended to get stuck in the "friend zone" with girls. I was the nice, sweet, brother-like friend that every girl loved to hang out with, but none wanted to date. So hearing my wife say that to me made me real bitter and i can't help but feel a little resentment toward her. though I can't fault her for being honest. it sucks but it is what it is.
I think the hardest part for me will be making myself "fall out of love" with her, yet still find a way to be friends. How does one make themselves "not" love someone romantically, yet still love them as a friend? I don't know how, but I don't think God wants her completely out of my life either. We've been together 8 years and being that I am 27 and she is 25, those are real important years, growing together from adolescents to adults. I met her when she was a senior in high school and was with her all the way through college years and beyond. She's been a huge part of my life and I really do hope she can continue to be...though it will be sooo very hard to do at first.
The good news is we are on speaking terms. In fact, we've been talking via google chat every day. (she is staying with a friend until next week) We seem to be on the same page as far as what needs to be done from here on and we both want to make this as smooth as possible. I guess thank God we dont have any kids! LOL.
Anyway, I've accepted that she doesn't want to be with me, and I definetely don't want to be with someone who doesn't feel for me like I feel for them. So, now it's time to move forward. Just so you all know, you may not hear as much from me for awhile, but know that I am here. We shutdown the Internet at home and I probably wont have it at my new place for a few months at least so only at work can I get online. But even then I will probably read a lot more than I will speak while these wounds heal.
Thanks again for everything. I love all of you!
Christopher 8)
onelovedread:
My brother, all I can say is to trust God and never give up. Believe it or not, the same thing happened to me in 1999 just one year after I had gotten married. What made it worse was that my wife was still in Jamaica and declared that she did not want to join me here in New York. I would travel back to Jamaica every 4 months at that time and it was during one of those trips that she told me she did not love me any more and wanted her freedom. I bawled like a baby and returned to Brooklyn a heartbroken man. I remember putting all our letters, wedding pictures and mementos in a box and feeling the pain which you are now describing. I remember the big hole in my heart.
One day I was listening to a Men's Retreat message by a popular preacher who said that God could restore marriages although they were apparently broken forever.
In 2002, she migrated here and lived in another borough of New York. I was only in contact by phone as we have a daughter who was also still in Jamaica.
In 2004 the Lord brought us back into contact, and in early 2005, we were reconciled and are still together. If God's will is for you two to be together, He will restore in His time. Just don't say never and in your pain, still trust God, Christopher. I am praying for you.
John (onelovedread)
judith collier:
Dear Claudia and Christopher, still thinking and praying for the both of you! Please remember what i said before, THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! For yrs I plagued myself with guilt over not having been a better wife. This was fruitless and took a terrible toll on me. Then I started on a road to perfection which almost killed me, totally over doing it! Nothing worked. I lived in the past and prayed continually but God was silent and until I gave it up and surrendered (obviously don't surrender easily) did some peace come, still grieved but a balance started to come wherby God restored me and showed me His love and that I was in His eyes His spouse.
The thought of FALLING in love now with a human being is so foreign, sure it would be nice to have a personal lover but when I think of all that goes with it, I shudder. Something in me died and really don't see that ever being ressurrected. I am very happy with the love of God in me for me and others. I live for my Savior now. judy
newborn:
--- Quote from: daywalker on July 15, 2011, 04:32:24 PM ---
Thank you again everyone for your overwhelming love, prayers and support.
I am feeling much better today, though I'd be lying if I said the hardest part was over. But I've come to accept that she really is serious about this divorce and that there's no turning back or reconciliation. In her own words, she says she "loves me, but is not longer in-love with me". She said when she looks at me she sees her best friend and nothing more. This is very hard for me to hear because I was that guy in high school that tended to get stuck in the "friend zone" with girls. I was the nice, sweet, brother-like friend that every girl loved to hang out with, but none wanted to date. So hearing my wife say that to me made me real bitter and i can't help but feel a little resentment toward her. though I can't fault her for being honest. it sucks but it is what it is.
I think the hardest part for me will be making myself "fall out of love" with her, yet still find a way to be friends. How does one make themselves "not" love someone romantically, yet still love them as a friend? I don't know how, but I don't think God wants her completely out of my life either. We've been together 8 years and being that I am 27 and she is 25, those are real important years, growing together from adolescents to adults. I met her when she was a senior in high school and was with her all the way through college years and beyond. She's been a huge part of my life and I really do hope she can continue to be...though it will be sooo very hard to do at first.
The good news is we are on speaking terms. In fact, we've been talking via google chat every day. (she is staying with a friend until next week) We seem to be on the same page as far as what needs to be done from here on and we both want to make this as smooth as possible. I guess thank God we dont have any kids! LOL.
Anyway, I've accepted that she doesn't want to be with me, and I definetely don't want to be with someone who doesn't feel for me like I feel for them. So, now it's time to move forward. Just so you all know, you may not hear as much from me for awhile, but know that I am here. We shutdown the Internet at home and I probably wont have it at my new place for a few months at least so only at work can I get online. But even then I will probably read a lot more than I will speak while these wounds heal.
Thanks again for everything. I love all of you!
Christopher 8)
--- End quote ---
Just hang tight my brother...
We are here for you...
God is always with you...
Godbless us all..
-RemO
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