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[JohnMichael]

Hi All,

I know this may seem mundane to others, but to me this is a real struggle right now. As I am not currently working and am in school, I live with my parents. Thus, I abide by their rules, and I do what is asked of me by them - "Honor thy Father and thy Mother" / "Children, obey your parents". I help around the house in order to "earn my keep."

It is, however, reaching a point where it is a struggle to maintain what I need to do with what they ask of me. School takes up a LOT of my time, but it is interrupted due to having to watch and care for animals that are not mine, chores, etc. - that I am commanded (in a sense) to do.

In all this, I am trying, by His influence, to remember and have this attitude:

Col 3:22  Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God:
Col 3:23  And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;
Col 3:24  Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.

Eph 6:6  Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart;
Eph 6:7  With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men:
Eph 6:8  Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free.

Please pray that His will be done. My hope is that I will have His Grace to know His will, and therefore, do it gladly as unto Him.

In Him,
John

[Ireland]

Hi John, I understand your situation. Let me just say that you are a real blessing to this forum and very much appreciated! My hope is that God will give you peace about this situation and favor too. Doesn't hurt to ask, right? You have alot of understanding and wisdom, so I am sure God is teaching you patience just like all of us here . Please be encouraged and take care of yourself. Thanks for your effort and replies that bless many of us here.

[Craig]

John I can understand your dilemma but you will get little sympathy from me.  If you lived on your own and went to school how much more would you struggle and be interrupted during your studies?  There is a thing called rent payments, electric payments, water, trash, cable, phone etc etc.  You will spend much more time earning the money to support yourself.  Your appliances break, plumbing has problems, yard needs mowed etc etc, then even more of your study time is interrupted.  The way it is now your parents are letting you get by by you not having to be responsible to eat, stay warm, have a place to sleep. 

What is that worth?  Even if you worked for your parent for several hours a day you are still way ahead with your time then if you had to support yourself.  Be thankful you are able to go to school and not worrying about where your next meal will come from.  Earn your keep at home, I guarantee you are costing your parents more by staying then you are giving by helping with the chores.

May God give you the strength to suck it up.

Craig

[JohnMichael]

John I can understand your dilemma but you will get little sympathy from me.  If you lived on your own and went to school how much more would you struggle and be interrupted during your studies?  There is a thing called rent payments, electric payments, water, trash, cable, phone etc etc.  You will spend much more time earning the money to support yourself.  Your appliances break, plumbing has problems, yard needs mowed etc etc, then even more of your study time is interrupted.  The way it is now your parents are letting you get by by you not having to be responsible to eat, stay warm, have a place to sleep. 

What is that worth?  Even if you worked for your parent for several hours a day you are still way ahead with your time then if you had to support yourself.  Be thankful you are able to go to school and not worrying about where your next meal will come from.  Earn your keep at home, I guarantee you are costing your parents more by staying then you are giving by helping with the chores.

May God give you the strength to suck it up.

Craig

You are absolutely correct, Craig. That is why I asked for prayer. I don't want to get an attitude toward what they ask of me - or perform my tasks begrudgingly. I want to have the right attitude. I wasn't asking for sympathy.

In Him,
John

[JohnMichael]

Update: The situation has gone from bad to worse.

To know the whole story:

I have HIV. A little known fact about HIV is that it is very similar to Lupus in the fact that you only have a limited amount of energy per day. The body is in a constant battle between the immune system and the disease. There are no breaks, no vacations, etc. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, a person with HIV has severe chronic fatigue.

Keeping that in mind, I clean up after 5 people. I also care for, clean after, and watch 5 animals. Some of them require constant supervision because they can't be left outside alone, can't be left unattended in the house, etc. On top of that, there is my school work.

When my parents ask things of me, I don't complain, and I try to do whatever is asked of me with a glad and cheerful heart. I know my parents don't have to do squat for me because I am an adult. They are allowing me to stay here because God softened their hearts. I have lived on my own before, and I know what is entailed in having to support one's self. That is why I do what they ask of me willingly and cheerfully. Sometimes it is a struggle because the flesh wants to rear up and cock an attitude usually because I get so tired (see symptom of HIV mentioned above) that it takes every ounce of remaining energy just to put one foot in front of the other, but I have a lot to do.

The best analogy I was told by my doctor is picture you have 20 spoons when you wake up in the morning. Every action you do, from getting out of bed to taking a shower to brushing your teeth to larger tasks, requires a certain amount of spoons. These spoons are not replenished until the next day or until you sleep. When you get to the end of the spoons, you are done. You have no more energy.

My mother asked me to ask my dad why he had to work last night because it is normally his day off. I did so, and my dad quite bitterly stated, "You need to ask God to change your heart. When you get your degree, you are to get out." Basically, he was calling me ungrateful. He said, "You need to appreciate your parents." I replied, "I do, Dad." It just brought back memories of when he's told me that I am an embarrassment to him, how he is ashamed of me, and how I need to pack my ---- and get out. My mom will usually respond with, "Where would he go?" My mom has said similar things to me, but I try to not let it get me down. I still try to do what is asked of me with the desire to please them. This time, it did get me down.

Maybe the enemy was having a field day, but it made me start to wonder, "Is God ashamed of me, too?" I know I mess up, daily. However, I desire to be good and pleasing to Him; I really do.

This isn't meant to be taken in the manner of the rantings of a spoiled teenager, so I hope those that are reading this don't take it that way because that isn't my attitude at all. I don't know what to do. I try to do right by them to the best of my ability (with His Grace). I just hope He isn't ashamed of me, too. If you feel in your heart to say a prayer, please do so.

In Him,
John

[arion]

You have a full plate on your hands my young friend.  It seems like your dad is still carrying some baggage from the past and he probably doesn't understand that your condition is exhausting.  I'm sure you have tried to tell him that your not being lazy but are just constantly tired.  I pray that God's grace will be sufficient for you and that God will soften your dads heart as well.  It's hard to be cheery and cooperative in this day of age with everything going on, and most of us are not dealing with a chronic illness on top of it.  I think about how Ray is in constant pain and yet seems cheery towards all.  It's only by the grace of God because you certainly can't do it on your own.  How could God possibly be ashamed of you?  You are his workmanship, he is the potter and you are the clay and he fashions and makes you as he will.  As painful as it may be these things are a necessary part of both his plan and his development for you.  It will bear fruit and pay off in the long run.  As Ray has stated before that so often it's only when we hear a voice behind us and then 'look back' that we see what God has done in the midst of the storm.  When we're in the middle of it we can't see how possibly God could use the situation or be working through us in the process.  And I'll certainly be praying for you as the Lord leads.

[JohnMichael]

You have a full plate on your hands my young friend.  It seems like your dad is still carrying some baggage from the past and he probably doesn't understand that your condition is exhausting.  I'm sure you have tried to tell him that your not being lazy but are just constantly tired.  I pray that God's grace will be sufficient for you and that God will soften your dads heart as well.  It's hard to be cheery and cooperative in this day of age with everything going on, and most of us are not dealing with a chronic illness on top of it.  I think about how Ray is in constant pain and yet seems cheery towards all.  It's only by the grace of God because you certainly can't do it on your own.  How could God possibly be ashamed of you?  You are his workmanship, he is the potter and you are the clay and he fashions and makes you as he will.  As painful as it may be these things are a necessary part of both his plan and his development for you.  It will bear fruit and pay off in the long run.  As Ray has stated before that so often it's only when we hear a voice behind us and then 'look back' that we see what God has done in the midst of the storm.  When we're in the middle of it we can't see how possibly God could use the situation or be working through us in the process.  And I'll certainly be praying for you as the Lord leads.

Thank you, Arion, for being such an encouragement. Sometimes it is so hard to remember this when you are made to feel that others think that it had been better if you'd never been born...

In Him,
John

[Rene]

Hi John Michael,

When love ones unfairly hurt and offend me, I try to look at them for who they are in this age, and acknowledge that these experiences are a necessary part of teaching me patience and humility.  It is a hard lesson to learn.

I will continue to pray for you.  Keep the faith and never cease praying for strength.  We need our Lord and Saviour to overcome.

René

[octoberose]

JohnMichael, I can honestly say that you easy to admire. Which one of us, who have been touched by the Truths of God, would ever be ashamed of you? Do you love your Lord? Does your walk reflect that? Are you being refined in fire in this life, and transformed by the renewal of your heart and spirit? You know the answer to all of this is YES! Please don't be discouraged for long; you are here by divine appointment and in you are in your parents life by His Hand.
I will pray that our good God increase your "spoons" so that just as Jesus did with loaves and fishes, he will increase that which is life sustaining when the portions look meager.

[cjwood]

dear john. i said a prayer for you. i completely understand the frustration of having zero energy at times. alot of times.  arion and others have given you some loving words of encouragement. hiv or no hiv, your LORD loves you beyond compare, and is never embarrassed by you. or me. or anyone else.

stand strong in the faith that you have been given. exercise that faith daily, and it will become the strong muscle and motivation you need daily. now, if i could only take my own advise during these days of my personal hardships.  take heart in knowing that you are loved, and we all come together to energize your spirit.

love in Christ,
claudia

[JohnMichael]

Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. God did answer them because today I am feeling much more encouraged in mind and heart. God even took it one step further. My mom asked me today how I felt what happened, and I got to tell her about how my illness affects me, how it isn't laziness but exhaustion, without getting the usual, "Oh, give me a break. You have it so easy." attitude in response. After I told her, she said, "I didn't realize how badly it affects you. I will make sure your Dad knows. I don't think he realized it either." God softened their hearts. Praise be to Him!

You know, I was shown something about myself throughout this. I was/am using my earthly father's harshness toward me as an example of our Heavenly Father deep down, in my heart. After years of hearing these hurtful statements from my earthly father (since I was about 10 years old), my heart started expecting the same treatment from our Heavenly Father. Use the example of an abused animal. When it is taken from the horrible environment and placed in a new and loving environment, it is still leery and afraid that it will receive the same treatment as it did before.

Though I have the head knowledge that our Heavenly Father IS Love, and all that we go through is because He LOVES us, for the purpose of our betterment, my heart (being exceedingly weak) still views Him in fear - afraid that I will bring His wrath and indignation and disappointment - that He would lash out at me like my earthly father.

When you have the backdrop of this situation, it is hard to read and fully believe with the heart those passages of Scripture, such as:

Luk 12:6  Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God?
Luk 12:7  But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

Mat 6:26  Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

Luk 12:24  Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls?
Luk 12:25  And which of you with taking thought can add to his stature one cubit?
Luk 12:26  If ye then be not able to do that thing which is least, why take ye thought for the rest?
Luk 12:27  Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Luk 12:28  If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith?

Rom 8:1  There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

Rom 8:38  For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Rom 8:39  Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Hopefully, God will change my weak heart to not view Him, deep down, in this light any more. Maybe the purpose of this was to bring this to light, so God could change it. Here's hoping!

Thank you all again for your prayers and encouraging words. They are more precious than I can express. God bless you all.

In Him,
John

[Ireland]

Hi John. I get it and am praying now. You exhibit such a genuine, sincere nature that is very refreshing. I can see Christ being formed in you through your posts. I am convinced that no matter how down we get and how we feel about God sometimes. He is dragging us into the net so to speak. There are so many times I have not felt spiritual or mature, but I am still going. That could not be by chance, but it is him that is finishing the work. You are not going to be taken out of his hand. He has started the work and he will finish it. You are turning into a wonderful work! God bless you John

[hiratnz]

Hey Bro i wont tell you about my stories about being brought up they will blow you away but i will indeed pray that the Hand of the almighty God be upon you in what ever your needs are and also upon your whole Family this i ask in Jesus Name Amen

[TRUTH281]

Hey man. I'm 21 and finishing up College this semester. For me the school is the biggest stumbling block because it takes up not only school days but days off as well. So its like I hardly ever have 2 or 3 days to just study the Scriptures. School takes up too much time, but its something that needs to be done. Be patient brother. Quietly ask yourself, "what does the Father want me to do in this situation. And what would Christ do if he was in my position." Look forward and be optimistic for the day you begin your job out of college. Its probably then that you will have days off and be able to spend hours and days reading the scriptures and fellowshipping with the Father and Christ. And witnessing as well.

[Joel]

I pray God will bring his peace to your abode.

Joel

[gmik]

How have things been lately???

All 3 of my kids moved back home after college and there was ALWAYS a struggle between dad (my hubby) and them- not doing enough around the house, yard, whatever...2 got married and moved on and relationship is so nice now

...youngest son moved back after the Marines, after college, in between Asia trip and grad school...each time same ole same ole--

No matter the age we revert back to child/parent.

Anyway, hope things are better.