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[Duane]

Remember:  It is far better to be in NO relationship at all--than to be stuck in a BAD ONE!
been there/done that!  Then along came Betty!!!!

In my first "marriage" I found this to be true!

"What is the ONE food--that once a woman eats it--it will absolutely KILL her sex drive?  (It may take two weeks, two months, ten years-- but it's almost 100% effective!)

Answer:  wedding cake! 

Think back--
Did you EVER hear of a couple who SOUGHT COUNSELING because they were DATING/GOING TOGETHER  just COULDN'T get interested??

[acomplishedartis]

Duane, thanks for the food for thought...


I once hear a advance that go like this:   ''a girl needs a man that doesn't need a girl.''      I find this very interesting, since man could

get his emotional estability from Jesus himself and then be able to have the straight to manage his girl according with what is best for

both. Of course I am talking about man's whom are believers. However, I am not talking by experience, I am not married yet, actually I don't see a

gray future for me if I never get married, but I know I have more reason to do it than for not doing it, and so I am looking for it...


I remember there is a part on the Scriptures where it talks about the men being for his wife as Jesus is for his Church. I bet there

is a good leason there, I wonder what you mature married guys here in the forum think and/or have to say about it?

[Rob M]

I know for me, I really wish there was someone I could curl up on the couch with. I'm just a babe compared to you guys, I've only come to the truth maybe a year ago. I was never really in Babylon, or even very religious at all. But when someone is looking for a mate and has been single a very long time (me) telling them "Don't worry, Jesus loves you more than any spouse could" uhh..for me anyways, just doesen't cut it. It's hard when you go to a gathering or an event and your the only single person there, it feels like all eyes are on you.

[JohnMichael]

I know for me, I really wish there was someone I could curl up on the couch with. I'm just a babe compared to you guys, I've only come to the truth maybe a year ago. I was never really in Babylon, or even very religious at all. But when someone is looking for a mate and has been single a very long time (me) telling them "Don't worry, Jesus loves you more than any spouse could" uhh..for me anyways, just doesen't cut it. It's hard when you go to a gathering or an event and your the only single person there, it feels like all eyes are on you.

Hi Rob,

I can definitely understand, and empathize with, your feelings. Believe me, I can. Unless God does a miracle, there won't be a mate for me. The type of mate that I would desire is condemned by Scripture. Therefore, those weren't empty words about our Lord being our companion or loving us more than any person could. Those are words that I use for myself over and over whenever I see a couple together or some romantic scene comes on TV. Being 27 and knowing that in all likelihood I will be single the rest of my life is tough, but our Lord promised that He would never leave us or forsake us, and that does give comfort in those moments when one feels lonely. Our Lord also promised that God knows what we need, and if we seek first His righteousness and His Kingdom, all these things shall be added unto us. He also does not cause us to suffer unnecessarily, so He knows what's necessary for our greater good - all to His glory.

Again, I'm not saying any of this to "preach" to you or to "belittle" your feelings. I'm just trying to encourage - one broken heart to another.

----------------------
Doug: Thank you. I didn't even know that I needed encouragement, but God did. I definitely needed that encouragement.
----------------------
In Him,
John

[Cypress]

JohnMichael, you are so amazing .

[Gina]

Being 27 and knowing that in all likelihood I will be single the rest of my life is tough, but our Lord promised that He would never leave us or forsake us, and that does give comfort in those moments when one feels lonely.

John:  I believe, too, that I may be single the rest of my life, because I drive men UP THE WALL!! lol  But hey, you know what?  Things could change!

The past three or so months have been really hard on me in this department.  I moved out of my old place and away from my daughter and I was terrified one night sitting on my balcony and thinking "I'm always going to feel this way--terrified, alone, dorky."  But then as the days went by and I saw that God was giving me everything I needed, I realized that feelings do change.  

Then, I got happy and lo and behold Satan came along and threw temptation in my path, and it was almost impossible to resist.  I saw myself going down the wrong road being to weak to resist the pulls of the flesh but knowing what lay ahead, so I wrote Ray and asked for prayer.  I really want to live right.  Somewhere in the chain of emails we exchanged he said to me, Eve had everything she needed until Satan helped convince her it wasn't enough.  (I said, yeah, except for the strength to resist the temptation.  lol)  

There was a time when I would've gladly drunk the sea water that's being offered to me, as Arc so aptly put it (I love that), but I've been told I was made for greater things, and I'm starting to really believe it.  I think the danger for me, personally, is in believing that I'll likely be alone.  Heck, I don't know!  I know Paul says it's better to be alone and not married.  And after all I've seen, I would agree.  Life's already so complicated.  But God could have something different in mind for me, and you too, John.  I'm personally praying that I God grants me the ability to remain content with food and clothing. lol

All the best to you, John!  I've been watching your posts as a lurker, and you are in my prayers too.

[Duane]

Gina---Your NEVER alone!  Just look at all the friends you have that LOVE you---and LOVE to hear fom YOU!
When your feeling along just get involved in a conversation on facebook with all the other B-T'ers!  We'll get your mind off things in a hurry!!
In Christ,
Duane
 

[Rob M]

Hi John,

              Thank you very much for your reply. It must feel like torture for you sometimes wanting to live your life a certain way, but knowing it's forbidden, my heart goes out to you. I find it odd with some of the reponses to this thread, I'm not saying as a single person that I'm not loved by anyone, but most of the responses are saying "You're not alone, God still loves you...we at BT love you" that to me is saying the same thing as even though you're single, you still have the love of your friends and family. Not that that is not important, but it sure as heck does not quash the fires of "burning with passsion"

I don't pine over not having a spouse every day..but after almost 20yrs of being single and looking after a severly brain damaged child every day on my own(thats another story) I feel there is no me anymore, just me the caregiver. I just wish God had someone for everyone.

[Gina]

haha, Duane!  :-)  Thanks!

Actually, the funny thing is -- I felt better in the period of time where I moved and I didn't have an internet connection.  I was forced to find other things to do with my time, of which I have plenty.  And I had a blast!  I put together furniture (challenging for someone who's vertically challenged) and I cooked and prayed and talked to my sisters and friends on the phone.  God showed me during that time that I can be afraid but fear won't be my final resting place. ;-) He will provide everything I need when I need it.  I was just in a new place and everything seemed unfamiliar and I was focusing on me and my condition instead of God and what is possible with God.  I'm much better now.  And the likelihood that I might wind up feeling like that again is very likely, but if / when that time comes, I'll remember all that God did for me and thank Him for what He's about to do.  

Thank you for your offer to facebook.  Ya never know--I just might get a facebook account one day!

Gina

[lilitalienboi16]

Hi John,

              Thank you very much for your reply. It must feel like torture for you sometimes wanting to live your life a certain way, but knowing it's forbidden, my heart goes out to you. I find it odd with some of the reponses to this thread, I'm not saying as a single person that I'm not loved by anyone, but most of the responses are saying "You're not alone, God still loves you...we at BT love you" that to me is saying the same thing as even though you're single, you still have the love of your friends and family. Not that that is not important, but it sure as heck does not quash the fires of "burning with passsion"

I don't pine over not having a spouse every day..but after almost 20yrs of being single and looking after a severly brain damaged child every day on my own(thats another story) I feel there is no me anymore, just me the caregiver. I just wish God had someone for everyone.

Hi Rob,

I believe that the desires of our heart, if they are good and true, that they are not without reason. God has placed this desire in your heart to want a mate, I don't think He did that to torture you, but through this trial of desiring something you cannot have, or rather someone you cannot have, RIGHT NOW, is making you into a man that will be well equipped to love that special person the Lord has planned for you to be with in your life. He is making you into the man you want in your heart to be, for this person that you have not met yet, that you want to love with your whole heart. A man of God, a man filled with God's love, a Man being made into the image of Christ!

I to desire a companion someday to love, but I know right now, I am very immature and not ready to be the man that this person deserves. There exists much carnality in me that need sto be burned out, and when I find that person, I want to be the man I am called to be. I want to be a man who will never look at another woman in any shameful way except with the woman that He is with. I want to be the best father I can be to my future kids someday as well. I want to be an example for them, to show them that in this dark world, God does live, and He indeed does love and I want them to know that they can live in the world but not be apart of it.

I have a LONG way to get there... but I do feel your desire as I have it to, just know it is not without good purpose that you feel this desire that pains you at times, because remember, God placed these desires in your heart and He knows you best! He will provide, He's not a sadistic twisted god, trust in Him! I know... easier said than done, I feel you, I really do! Hehe

Much love,

Alex

[JohnMichael]

Hi John,

              Thank you very much for your reply. It must feel like torture for you sometimes wanting to live your life a certain way, but knowing it's forbidden, my heart goes out to you. I find it odd with some of the reponses to this thread, I'm not saying as a single person that I'm not loved by anyone, but most of the responses are saying "You're not alone, God still loves you...we at BT love you" that to me is saying the same thing as even though you're single, you still have the love of your friends and family. Not that that is not important, but it sure as heck does not quash the fires of "burning with passsion"

I don't pine over not having a spouse every day..but after almost 20yrs of being single and looking after a severly brain damaged child every day on my own(thats another story) I feel there is no me anymore, just me the caregiver. I just wish God had someone for everyone.

Hi Rob,

In regards to the phrase highlighted: You are SO preaching to the choir on that one! May God help us both in that department.

In Him,
John

[Rob M]

John, with the help of all the great people on here, and with Gods help, I'll get thru this..WE will get thru this!!

[Duane]

I FEEL sooo privileged to have started this thread and see HOW MANY people have been helped! 
Thank you for letting me GIVE BACK--when I have TAKEN SO MUCH! 
This has changed my whole life and religious outlook--how could I EVER thank Ray, the moderators and you to the extent that I feel?  I can't!
I did verify from Kat that I DID contribute by coining the term for us "B-Ter's" --so that pleases me also!!
In Christ,
Duane

[Shawn Fainn]

Hudson...by the look on your face in the posted picture---it looks like you found her!!!  LOl   Duane

Hehe. Yeah, it's a great pic. Love that scene from Aliens.

Though.. ya know if i did end up finding her, I bet my look of utter disbelief might resemble that mug shot.. lol

[gmik]

wow....I am at a loss..(well, you know that is not true)..but my heart is hurting for you all..

I have been married to one man for 38 years.  I have no reason to give why the Lord blessed me that way.

BUT...

I remember at age 24 or 25 praying/thinking....GUESS I AM NEVER GONNA GET MARRIED...GOD MUST WANT ME TO BE A MISSIONARY IN AFRICA....and I "think" I made peace w/ that...yet always thinking...

everyday has new mercies in it....every new day would be a great day in the Lord!!

and well...next thing I know I am planning a wedding...so fast my head was spinning!  To my best friend for 3 years who clearly stated that all the time (subtly telling me I wasnt the ONE for him)

    but God always knows best and has the best timing...

Don't know what you guys/gals have in store but TRUST in Him who is EVER TRUSTWORTHY!!  Read Paul and meditate on his life as a single man...look at what all he did for the Lord.

Get out and LIVE life...don't give into temptation of "pity parties", or "why me" (I am just saying- B-Ters probably don't do that anyway)...volunteer-helping others....

Why am I saying this?  BECAUSE I am 63 years young and I don't want to see young lives wasted away w/ what-ifs

TRUST AND LOVE GOD W/ DEEDS AS WELL AS THOUGHTS....ya never know who is waiting around the corner for you...

thanks guys for trusting the forum w/ your heartfelt thoughts and desires...

love you all!!
gEna

[cjwood]

gena, you are an awesome sister-woman friend!  reading your post, i could actually feel your heart in each word.  thank you for sharing your words of experience.

claudia

[gmik]

Thanks Claudia!

I guess what I REALLY wanted to say was....

THIS LIFE PASSES BY SOOOOOOO QUICKLY!  I am 63 and can remember my 20's like it was just the other day!!!

Life is a precious gift from God...His mercies are NEW everymorning!!!

 

[Gina]

Gena, thanks for your kind thoughts.  I'm thrilled you are a happily married person.  Please don't let your heart hurt for me. lol

I saw a post that Dave in Tenn wrote in the last six months, and he said something to the effect of:  "I'm not a victim of anything."  I respect you a lot, Dave, but when I read that I felt the blood in the capillaries in my face pulsate.  Who knew it felt so good to feel sorry for myself and to dwell on the things I didn't have?  It was bad drama but it was at least some drama Nobody loves me, boo hoo.  (Oh, I could put on a show!!  I think I missed my calling as an actress.)  

But Dave's right.  Thank you, Dave!  

The devil loves to get me where it hurts me most:  Fear of abandonment and vanity.   Not a recipe for happiness.  lol  I've been told I've got self-control.  I may have self-control in the relative sense and I thank God for it if I do.

I have to make a conscious effort to remind myself that being single has its good points, too, because it does!  

We can either go through life feeling so lonely (which as Ray pointed out in a recent email is only a feeling and a subjective one at that), or go through life believing that God is not feeling sorry for us.

Who here hasn't fallen prey to the Hollywood Joker:  

"All alone, aren't you?  HA! Well, keep that up and you're not gonna like yourself a whole lot, I can tell ya that right now.  And I am going to help you make it to that destination."

When you're fearful and depressed, spending money on things you can't afford and don't need and / or ingesting harmful substances, etc., to make yourself feel better and, therefore, more valuable in the eyes of the world helps a lot! (I kid.)

But isn't it true that there will be no marriage in the kingdom (unless you count the church being the "bride" of Christ which doesn't count literally lol ) because we will be like the angels--asexual -- neither male, nor female, right?  Would it be ridiculous to desire that it be possible that God is teaching some of us to learn to like that idea--in the here and now?  

[Deborah-Leigh]

Great thoughts Gina.

I am sure God is a Homeopath.

You get more of the same till you get over it. 

Arc

[Gina]

Word!