Hello,Newgene87
This should be of help!
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Recently I have been in a serious relationship with someone. We planned to get married very soon but that all fell apart when I found out some things about him that made me lose my trust in him and his will to serve God. I am a serious Christian and I know God is in my heart but I don't believe my fianc� genuinely knows God, as he should.
When I first met him and began to date him he was overall really fired up for God. Later, he started to change his mind about a lot of things and started to think that most of the things he had learned while he was "fired up" was a lot of brainwashing. Now, he thinks it is okay to smoke and drink as long as you don't get drunk. He also thinks that it would even be okay to smoke weed if it weren't illegal!! The thing is, he wants to smoke, but he feels it's okay and so does it.
I've asked him what the pastors have said and he always comes up with "they say it's okay as long as you don't get drunk, and there is no verse in the bible that says drinking is a sin if you don't get drunk." Another one he uses is when Jesus turned water into wine at a wedding. But I have been taught that the wine was almost like water back then, and you couldn't get drunk off of it. Is this true?
What I want is for you to tell me whether drinking, smoking, etc. is wrong and what it says in the bible about it being wrong. Also, a thorough explanation of why. I hope this isn't asking too much, but this person means the world to me. How can I tell them these things without him saying that I am just yelling at him? I don't know how to tell him or show him because he always says I am just yelling at him and trying to be his mom. So PLEASE, tell me what you think about these things, I need to know ASAP.
Thank you sooo much!!! I have lost so much sleep over this and I need to resolve the issue's before I go insane myself!
Sincerely,
A friend out there somewhere.
[Ray Replies]
Dear Friend out there:
I believe that your friends attitude is actually more important than the lusts of the fresh that he enjoys. Often people (both sexes) are on their "best behavior" when they are courting. They are trying to "close a sale" if you will, and they know that it is important to "APPEAR" better than they really are. Am I saying this is the case with your friend? No. I don't really know your friend. I am merely forewarning you what you need to be aware of.
I know people who smoke and drink who are fine people. Do most such people have a deep love for the Truths of God and strong desire to live out the Truths of God in their personal lives? No. Not generally. But then again, there are those who are real religious zealots who don't fare much better even without some of these carnal desires of the flesh.
If your friend is suggesting that smoking pot is okay, how do you know he is not already doing it, but testing you to see how receptive your are to the idea?
There is no mention of "smoking" in the Scriptures, as it appears to have been a more recent invention of modern times, so I can't give you specific examples of it in Scripture. It is a "lust of the flesh." It produces physical pleasure, but apparently GREAT PHYSICAL DAMAGE to the body. My father smoked for over a half century and died a horrible painful death from emphysema.
And if one of the parents smoke, you can almost bet that the children will smoke.
As for drinking. No, the wine mentioned in Scripture was not weak like water. There are a dozen or more Scriptures that make reference to "drunkenness" and it is always condemned.
Here are a few:
"And take heed to yourselves lest at any time your hearts be overcharged [weighed down] with surfeiting [carousing], and DRUNKENNESS, and care of this life, and so that day come upon you unaware" (Luke 21:34).
"Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and DRUNKENNESS, not in chambering [licentiousness] and wantonness [lewdness], not in strife and envying. But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and MAKE NO PROVISION FOR THE FLESH, TO FULFILL THE LUSTS THEREOF" (Rom. 13:13).
"Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulsions, wrath, strife, sedition's, herisies, envyings, murder, DRUNKENNESS, revelings, and such like of the which I tell you before as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things SHALL NOT INHERIT THE KINGDOM OF GOD" (Rom. 5:19-21).
All these warnings being said, is there a proper use of alcohol? Yes there is. Jesus drank wine, as did all the Apostles. Jesus turned water into wine at the wedding in Cana. And surely as the host suggested, they did not save the best "grape juice" till last--it was WINE.
Wine and STRONGER drinks were permissible under the law of Moses:
"And you shall bestow that money for whatsoever your soul lusts after, for oxen, or for sheep, or for wine, or for STRONG DRINK..." (Deut. 14:26).
Notice that even Paul (who sternly warned against "drunkenness"), that wine can be beneficial:
"Drink no longer water, but use A LITTLE wine [don't get DRUNK] for thy stomach's sake and your often [frequent] infirmities [sicknesses]" (I Tim. 5:23).
So there, briefly, is what the Scriptures say regarding wine and strong drink, but your situation will have to be evaluated by you. Ask God to guide you in ALL YOUR DECISIONS IN LIFE.
I realize that your problem is no smaller now than before you wrote to me, but maybe there is some wisdom here for you to consider. Let me just say this: Character flaws that have the potential to escalate over time, will drive away any strong romantic attractions that you are feeling NOW.
We will all pray for your best future.
God be with you,
Ray