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[newgene87]

Now to a weighty matter. Very personal yet I'm in need of freedom. That's why I've started from who to pray to and a explaination on praise. Because, at the front of those little Gideon bibles (which I carry and read everyday), under the reference for depression or depressed (funny how I don't have it right now) is Psalm 34. And the chapter begins, "I will bless the Lord at all times: His praise continually in my mouth". And it goes on to reference the entire chapter and its a chapter of praise. So I wonder, how is "Praise" a outlet for depression?

 I guess ive been suffering from "manic(??) Depression for years now. I think that's the word but its just locked inside me. EVERYONE has their own story so I won't post my entire life; but I've experienced a suicide attempt, spent a week in the hospital where I learned alot of principles to see life in a different way, but its still with me. Ive prayed for years now, literally, to be set free; to experience "if the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed"(jn836). I have not attained that and I'm starting to wonder if its even true. I've been in multiple church experiences where emotionally I was "high" on the spirit of God and I felt free and then....and not too soon afterwards im trapped again in my addiction to porn, nagging habit to curse, to look upon a attractive woman to lust in my mind, to get angry. Even though at the same time, I don't drink (I'm 24), I don't smoke, I don't party, and I'm to most standards a good young guy. The image I wear looks good to anyone who sees me; but the bones in my closet shape me. At times,  I hate the state of my life, I'm in disgust with how I overanalyze things, and how I seek knowledge in anything and after it all....I'm depressed. I'm alone when it comes to these truths and I see very good morale people,who are truly beautiful honest people but they believe in free will, and hell, and God is a trinity and it just confuses me at times.so I pray, read the word,
learn truths; but it doesn't set me free.  Maybe I can admit from that John 8 passage that I am a "servant if sin". But I don't want to be. Its depressing enough to NOT want to do wrong and still DO it. And make up any excuse that its not so bad. I've even used that since hell is not true according to Christendom and regardless I'm gonna get judged anyway, so I do what I know is wrong. Its times like this where I truly cry our "o wretched man that I am! WHO shall deliver me from the body of this death??". Paul thanked God that through Jesus Christ.....but why does the Guilt become my slave and the shame my master? And if I don't have free will then why is God doing this to me??? I've been a church boy my entire life, I know how to pray and I thought I knew God and after learning these truths; I've had to know God on a deeper personal point but its caused me to leave my church and be alone.  I just don't wanna feel like a failure anymore, be free from bad habits, and negative thinking. Idk, maybe I just needed to vent to people who know the scriptures and know God, but I need someone else. Is there a better way to get to Jesus?? I pray, I praise, I speak the word over my life,I believe; well maybe I don't cause faith is suppose to be the victory that overcomes the world....but I'm overwhlem just about everyday. Just, pray for me. Please. My name is Shelton again, and I'm in desperate need of Freedom in Christ. Thoughts would be highly appreciated and accepted and as I always say, I love this forum and I appreciate all your answers and comments. Thanks.

[AwesomeSavior]

Shelton:

I too have struggled with depression my whole life. I want to mention a few things about this issue to you that may help: 1) We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers, rulers, and spiritual wickedness in high places. In other words, part of our struggle is with Satan himself. 2) We are to make "the joy of the Lord" our strength. We need to think about how awesome God is, constantly. I sometimes think about how huge this universe is, and then think to myself... "This is only the creation...I can't even imagine what our Father is like... and yet, we are going to be exactly like Him (except in The Throne) when all is said and done!" The thought of it is overwhelmingly good    So, like Paul says... whatever is pure, lovely, and of a good report, we are to think about these things, and often. 3) Search yourself and see if you have any kind of unresolved anger issues against anyone or anything, and deal with them as best as you can, through forgiveness and letting go. I have never tried anti-depressants, so I don't know how effective they are, but it may be a possibility if you have a chemical imbalance. My mother tried to kill herself twice, and my uncle also suffered from major depression, where he drive off for a week at a time without anyone knowing where he was. Neither one of them knew Christ, though.

I hope this helps somewhat 

Dean

[AwesomeSavior]

Janine:

Thank you for your kind words   You know how to greatly encourage people 

Dean

[cjwood]

jfk, your post response resounded with Truth from His Spirit to yours, shared with ours.

thank you for replying to our dear brother shelton. in doing so, you have helped others.

shelton, you are in my prayers, as well as all who suffer from the shackles of depression.  "only Jesus holds the keys to our prisons." jfk

claudia

[Deborah-Leigh]

The Peace of His Spirit saturate your words JFK~ Very ~

[Ireland]

Hi Shelton. I would just like to add that your honesty is very much appreciated. I will not give you alot of scriptures because I feel you know alot of truth now. Someone posted that we wrestle not with flesh and blood and after years of toiling and striving to enter into his rest, that has to be true. God gives his elect many trials and much suffering (along with the blessings and mercy ). I am convinced that Paul reveals more about these spirits than any other apostle or prophet in the scriptures. He was given the amazing revelation into these facts that most never knew about. He even had to be given a thorn in the flesh to keep him humble. In God's wisdom and plan for us, we will one day rule these principalities that have given us so much trouble. We will appreciate our reward to rule with him because of how much we did agonize in this life while learning to obey and serve our Lord.
Please be encouraged, not that you will one day just feel great all of the sudden. Be encouraged that these difficulties are just a momentary working of Him that has an unspeakable bounty for you in the future. If we continue in Him we will experience things greater than any King or ruler this earth has ever known. In God's mercy he gives us Doctors and herbs etc. to aid our bodies, but he also gives us trials that produce patience etc. It's ok my friend. What you are experiencing is very real and deliberate. It will not disappear, but in time you will learn to overcome to the degree He has for you. It will happen according to His will. We can bank on that.
I fully believe that all these things that seem petty to us at times (jobs, bills, desires, vain imaginations) are all His working to humble us. God keeps things hidden from us until the appropriate time. Even as we seek him, it is only a certain amount of sight that he gives us according to his providence. He wants us to long for him and his truth. God bless you and know He is with us. Jesus says to strive to enter in and at the very same time He says to rest in him. There are many admonitions on the things we need to do and also He says he will do it in us. Oh the riches and wisdom of God. Who can know it? Us in his timing ! Take care

[Gina]

Hi, Shelton.

I will definitely pray for you.  

We suffer from depression in my family too.  We are perfectionists.  We were trained as children to be that way by my father because doing something wrong would get us severely beaten.  I guess we figured, if we're perfect we won't get beaten.  

The thing is, Jesus was made perfect and He was still beaten.  So I guess the thing to overcome is the fear of being beaten?  lol

I recently discovered Rosemary helps me TREMENDOUSLY.  If you can get your hands on some Rosemary, make a tea out of it and drink cups of it through the day. Try it for a week and see what happens.

You might also need a good vitamin supplement and exercise and exercise doesn't have to be anything major, just something that gets your blood pumping a little.

The porn industry is a multi-billion dollar industry and they know where you men live so to speak.  It is not your fault that you were built to be attracted to women, but what is sad is that you guys are being taken advantage of because of the weakness of your flesh.  There are many men (and a few women, believe it or not) in your same predicament.  

Here are two interesting articles for all men who are struggling with pornography.  My heart truly goes out to you because it is a struggle:

http://www.drjudithreisman.com/archives/2007/10/the_impotence_p_2.html

Very important:
http://www.drjudithreisman.com/archives/PORNOGRAPHY-IS-HOMOEROTIC.pdf

A recent movie about Alfred Kinsey was made and people think the man was a genius of his time.  He was not.

http://www.drjudithreisman.com/archives/2011/06/sex_lies_and_vi.html

(Hopefully, posting those links isn't a no-no.)

The technology of the day makes it easier for men to engage in porn and the political correctness of our society makes it more acceptable for porn to be classified as "entertainment."

As Ray has said many times, except for a few minor changes it could be me, and there but for the grace of God go I.  

You have a desire to not do certain things and that, my friend, is a MAJOR step in the right direction.  Try to take some joy and try to focus more on the fact that that is your true desire.  Your true desire is not the porn, your true desire is to be freed from it.  That's good, Shelton -- and your prayers will be answered.  

Hang in there!  Everyone who reads this will be praying for you.

Your sister,
Gina

[yello62]

shelton, my brother.  i have been where you are at in so many ways.   depression, the addiction, the feelings of self-loathing over my carnal mind.   in the past i have begged God to take my sex drive away from me.  i don't any more as i am thankful to Him for all that i am and all that i struggle with as i see these struggles as a gift, and if these are gifts, there is only one gift giver and that is The Father.

my own depression lasted for approximately 22 years.  too many causes to go into just know that i could not go a day without a cloud over my head and an overwhelming desire to just not be.  about 1/3rd of the time into the depression, at the age of 24, i was baptized into the body of Christ and just knew that my struggle with the depression was over.  God freed me from one of the causes, a drug addiction and even healed my mind from the effects of all of the drugs and all of the heavy drinking and all of the porn and all of the sex, but He did not remove all of the bad habits right away.  i wrestled long and hard with some of that stuff, still do with some of it.  the depression worsened for me as i attended a church that had requirement upon requirement upon requirement for me to prove my love.  i failed at all to the point where i stopped attending church.   i would come home from work and could only fall on my knees in tears because of the anguish i felt over so much.  i was helpless, desperate.  i prayed and fasted, and prayed and fasted and begged God to take the depression away from me.  His still small voice would say to me, "tony, i hear you, i love you, do this one thing, take this small step, and i will strengthen your feet." i would cry, "but i can't, i don't know how, help me."  that cycle of prayer and fasting and being encouraged by The Father went on for close to three years.  the only reason i did not kill myself is because i believe(d) that to be a sin against The Father and already had too many things to stand before Him for.  at this point in my life today, i believe He did not want me to do it and would not allow it.   He is truly a merciful God, He truly is.

long story short, as i started to follow the lead of the spirit, as i started to try the small steps He was showing me, He was strengthening me.   the depression did not lift right away.  i do remember very clearly the day He told me freedom was near.   i can remember it as if it were yesterday.  i was working a part time job driving boats up and down the chicago river.  it was early in the morning and we were driving a boat to one of the docks when we hit a bend in the river.  i looked up and saw the reflection of some beautiful cumulus clouds on this one building, 33 w. wacker, the john nuveen building.  my spirit lifted at this beautiful presentation of God's handiwork and i heard a voice whisper to me, "your freedom is near." i knew that it was talking about the depression.  within a month, i was doing something, can't remember exactly what it was, but i realized that i had not been depressed in nearly two weeks.   boy did i sing praises to His name for that, halleLUJah!!!

it has been 13 years since that has happened and i have been depression free.   not problem free, not struggle free just free of the overwhelming pain that gripped my soul to the point where i did not want to be.

i know this is hard to hear when you are in the midst of the struggle, don't lose hope, don't give in, i know it is not easy.  know that you are struggling because He allows it and if He allows it, He can and will bring you through it.  He will make a way and He will, in His time and in His way, will deepen and strengthen you.

i will add my prayers to your struggles,

tony

[Shawn Fainn]

Been there with ya as well brother. I used to believe that Rev 9:6 was speaking of what i was going through internally at one point awhile back.

It's rough, but eventually at certain points I was able to learn to be content "in all things" as paul stated. I'm certain you will as well, so keep pressing on.

[Dave in Tenn]

You're pretty well describing my life at 24, at least internally.  I have come to understand that salvation doesn't come through "spiritual" hypnosis in the form of mountain-top religious experiences because they always crash.

I don't know whether you will see this as a comfort, but Jesus came to save sinners.  He didn't come to call the righteous to repentance.  Your sweet, moral, "genuinely good" contacts are not what He is making His Kingdom out of, though He may bless them in other ways. 

I urge you to continue to study.  Learn the full meanings of all those scriptural words and concepts.  Then when you 'read your bible', you're doing more than a religious excercise or trying to hypnotize or "medicate" yourself.  YOU are in Scripture too, and in very good company there and here.

Learn what 'faith' is, then don't lose it, even if you have trouble standing for long.       

[Gina]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ispY0m3Jf4

James Taylor - Another Grey Morning

Lyrics

When I feel as though my love is sinking down
The sun doesn`t want to shine
When it feels like she won`t face another day
Life is unkind
She`s frozen in time

And here comes another grey morning
A not so good morning after all
She says "well, what am I to do today
With too much time and so much sorrow"

She hears the baby waking up downstairs
She hears the foghorn calling out across the sound
Repetition in the morning air
Is just too much to bear
And no one seems to care
If another day goes creeping by
Empty and ashamed
Like an old unwanted memory
That no one will claim
The clouds put their heads on the ground
She`s gonna have to come down

She said "move me, move me
I`m locked up inside"
Well, I didn`t understand her
But God knows I tried
She said "make me angry
But just make me cry
But no more grey morning
I think I`d rather die"