Hello everyone, I maybe should bring this up, it all has to do with, Losing your first love, It seems like God needed Anita to show me what this could mean concerning Him. In 1995 I was in an auto accident on the Alaska hi way. I was 39 years old and not a christian. I woke up after the accident 3 weeks later, 1500 miles away in Vancouver`s St. Paul's General Hospital. I had a broken neck, back, serious head injury`s. A day after I woke up, and I have no explanation for this at all, I was so scared and in pain. I asked God for His help, in my head, I did this not out load, because there were other patients in the room. The next 5 years it was rehab and church. In 2000 I left the church, I just could not believe anymore of what I was being taught, I somehow knew it was wrong. Since 1995-2010 I have never gone out with a women. I had kept my heart and hands clean with God, so that He would send me the right girl to marry. Because only He know who I am best for and who is best for me. Then Anita was there. She was my first love after the accident. And now she may be gone. I now do not think it is Anita I am crying and hurting for, It`s Jesus. He needed Anita to show me this. I do not know if I am right about this. Being separated from God is unbearable for me, it is Hell. Ricky