I know for a fact, as human beings the more we believe we are in control of our lives the more happy we feel. The more we believe we are NOT in control of our lives the more hopeless we feel. At least this is the way for most people and for me too.
It may be a hopeless feeling if another *man* is in control of our lives. But remember,
God is not a man. Who would you rather have in control of your life? You, or God? Which do you think is wiser and knows what's best?
This business of "suffering yet rejoicing" is another of those things that may appear to the carnal mind to be a contradiction, but is really just a case of relative vs. absolute (like
Choose this day whom you will serve/You have not chosen me, I have chosen you; Come unto me all you who are weary/No one can come unto me except the Father drag him, etc.).
I have been married for 20 months, and it's been pretty turbulent at times. My wife and I have both had moments when we thought it'd be better if we'd never gotten married, and the subject of separation/divorce has come up. We've had a lot of fights, we've been apart for days and weeks at a time, we've struggled through my wife's illnesses...in that respect, it's been a pretty bad 20 months. Maybe the worst 20 months of my adult life.
But also among the 20 best months. How is that possible?
Relative vs. absolute. In this case, the relative being the earthly, immediate perspective and the absolute being the spiritual, long-term perspective.
In the years leading up to my marriage, I had a really fun, care-free life. I traveled a lot, had a variety of jobs, I was free and adventurous. It was great. I looked forward to having a wife with whom to share that wonderful, adventurous life. But my marriage has been very unlike what I was hoping for.
However, in the fiery trial that has been my marriage, I've experience much more spiritual growth than when I was living the adventurous life of a single man. In this matrimonial pressure cooker God is teaching me how to be
patient, and teaching me how to
love. There are many other benefits which will become apparent in time; those are just two of the main ones I see now. Do I have moments when I miss the freedom and adventure I had before? Sure.
But I'd rather be here. The spiritual benefits are far more valuable and long-lasting. My wife longs for the days when we first met and we were passionate and in love. I tell her I'd rather be here, because my love for her is greater than it was then. Through our experiences, I've learned to love her even more.
And above all, it helps to constantly say, as Jesus did,
Thy will be done--and to believe that it
is His will being done. I know that this fiery trial is good for me. The trials aren't fun, but they are still cause for rejoicing.
It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I might learn thy statutes--Psalm 119:71. I am excited about the person that God is making me, through my trials. It's also extremely exciting to look at the big picture, and know that God is working all things after the counsel of His will, and that He will redeem all humanity, and that death will be abolished. There's nothing pessimistic or hopeless about that, my friend.