Miscellaneous Oxymora Quotations - (these are for real)

[Gina]

Miscellaneous Oxymora Quotations

The following are phrases and various quotes which appear to be oxymoronic.

    A little pain never hurt anyone.

    "A unified, neutral Germany? Given that nation's heritage, such a phrase may prove to be the oxymoron of the decade." -Kevin M. Matarese, Fulda, West Germany; as seen in "Letters", Time magazine, p. 5, March 5, 1990.

    A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. Include me out. -Samuel Goldwyn

    Christ was born in 4 B.C.

    Cum tacent, clamant. When they are silent, they shout. -Cicero

    Gentlemen, I want you to know that I am not always right, but I am never wrong. -Samuel Goldwyn

    Goes (Went) over like a lead balloon.

    Honk if you are against noise pollution!

    I'll give you a definite maybe. -Samuel Goldwyn

    I'm not going to say, "I told you so."

    I am a deeply superficial person. -Andy Warhol

    I'm proud of my humility.

    I can resist everything but temptation. -Mark Twain

    If Roosevelt were alive, he'd turn over in his grave. -Samuel Goldwyn

    If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive! -Samuel Goldwyn

    If you fall and break your legs, don't come running to me. -Samuel Goldwyn

    I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them five years. -Samuel Goldwyn

    It isn't an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

    It's more than magnificent-it's mediocre. -Samuel Goldwyn

    May I ask a question?

    No one goes to that restaurant anymore-it's always too crowded. (attributed to Yogi Berra)

    Our comedies are not to be laughed at. -Samuel Goldwyn

    Parting is such sweet sorrow. -William Shakespeare

    Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry.

    "Professional certification for car people may sound like an oxymoron." -The Wall Street Journal, page B1, Tuesday, July 17, 1990.

    Referring to a book: I read part of it all the way through. -Samuel Goldwyn

    Smoking is the leading cause of statistics.

    Some bachelors want a meaningful overnight relationship.

    Talking about a piece of movie dialogue: Let's have some new cliches. -Samuel Goldwyn

    The scene is dull. Tell him to put more life into his dying. -Samuel Goldwyn

    Thank God I'm an atheist.

    This report is filled with omissions.

    We are not anticipating any emergencies.

    We're overpaying him, but he's worth it. -Samuel Goldwyn

    His honour rooted in dishonour stood,
    And faith unfaithful kept him falsely true.
    -Alfred Lord Tennyson

    The good oxymoron, to define it by a self-illustration, must be a planned inadvertency. -Wilson Follett

    An Irishman is never at peace except when he's fighting.

    I marvel at the strength of human weakness.

    Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it. -Irene Peter

    Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. -Josh Billings

    Of course I can keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't keep them. -Anthony Haden-Guest

    The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. -W.C. Fields

    I distinctly remember forgetting that. -Clara Barton

    We must believe in free will. We have no choice. -Isaac B. Singer

    I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

    Monotheism is a gift from the gods.

    After they got rid of capital punishment, they had to hang twice as many people as before.

    I never liked you, and I always will. -Samuel Goldwyn

    Why don't you pair 'em up in threes? -Yogi Berra

    Our similarities are different. -Dale Berra, son of Yogi

    After Donald Trump's stretch limousine was stolen and found undamaged a few blocks away; he said, "Nothing was stolen. I had an honest thief."-International Herald Tribune, page 3, March 2, 1992

    Some bird populations soaring down -Headline of an article in Science News, page 126, February 20, 1993.

    Most bacteria have the decency to be microscopic. Epulopiscium fishelsoni is not among them. The newly identified one-celled macro-microorganism is a full .5 mm long, large enough to be seen with the naked eye. Described in the current Nature, "It is a million times as massive as a typical bacterium."-Time, page 25, March 29, 1993

    "Triumph without Victory, The Unreported History of the Persian Gulf War", -Headline published in the U.S. News & World Report, 1992.

    An empty cab drove up and Sarah Bernhardt got out. -Arthur Baer, American comic and columnist

    She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on. -Arthur Baer, American comic and columnist

    The first condition of immortality is death. -Stanislaw Lec

    As famous as the unknown soldier.

    I must follow the people. Am I not their leader? -Benjamin Disraeli

    Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. -George Bernard Shaw

    William Safire's rules for writing as seen in the New York Times

    Do not put statements in the negative form.

    And don't start sentences with a conjunction.

    If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

    Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
    Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
    If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
    Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
    Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
    Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
    Last, but not least, avoid cliche's like the plague.

    Everyone writes on the walls except me. -Said to be graffiti seen in Pompeii

    I tripped over a hole that was sticking up out of the ground.

    I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. -Samuel Goldwyn

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    Evil isn't all bad.

    I disagree with unanimity.

    "It's a step forward although there was no progress."

    President Hosni Murbarak of Egypt attempting to put the best face on a disappointing summit meeting between President Clinton and the Syrian dictator Hafez Assad.

    "I always avoid prophesying beforehand because it is much better to prophesy after the event has already taken place. " - Winston Churchill

( http://www.wordexplorations.com/oxymora-quotes.html )

Yogi Berra's hysterical!

[lilitalienboi16]

this was ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS! LOL, thanks for sharing!!

[Gina]

Yep! 

[Deborah-Leigh]

Funny!