> General Discussions
marriage woes "divorce"
Gina:
Yep, from one recovering control freak to another, I have to say I'm looking forward to becoming none at all. And statistics show I'm much more likable now. ;)
We live, we learn.
lauriellen:
"This is from an old man who has the extensive experience of mountains of mistakes...."
That is certainly true....there is no teacher like experience....
"Your responsibility is to be a living example and to inspire her to live her life as best she can under the circumstances. One thing that believers on this forum can do is stop preaching to their relatives and spouses. AND if you are called upon to give an answer for the hope that lies within you; make it as brief as possible and shut up about it. Focus on being a loving friend..."
Such great advice filled with wisdom, yet sooooo hard to do!
"If a husband BEATS his wife, or ABUSES the children, or does NOT PROVIDE food and shelter for his family, or is totally IMMORAL, or DESERTS his wife, or DIES, then the wife is not expected to remained married to such a man if she does not desire, and the same is true she the wife commit these crimes. Almost all other things are just excuses to have one's cake and eat it too."
Marriage is hard under the best of circumstances. Sometimes it seems impossible.
,"your courting was not an accident, your marriage was not an accident, your fighting was not an accident, Your children did not arrive by accident, neither are you in this place by accident...read 1 Cor 13"
Sometimes at the end of an especially hard day, it's hard to understand what God is doing. It's hard to imagine that He has ordained so much pain and difficulty for some people.
I read someone post that "I have thought more about running away as an adult than I ever did as a child." ...
Jer 23:24 Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see him? saith the LORD. Do not I fill heaven and earth? saith the LORD.
cheekie3:
gregorydc -
I pray that my thoughts may help you and your beloved to reconcile in Love and Truth:
What is it about your wife that you like.
Tell her what it is about her that you love.
Tell her why you love her and that you do not want to be without her.
Ask her what it is that is stopping you from being together as husband and wife.
The union of a husband and his wife is just that - oneness.
The hardest thing in life is to be a good husband or wife and and a caring parent.
You should be a Living Letter to your wife - leading by example - and showing her you love her in how you interact with her.
Remember you must love your wife as yourself - and take care of her as you do yourself.
There is no hiding place within families - and you are seen for what you truly are - and a child of God should be living a loving life - with no hatred or resentment, full of forgiveness and a lot of patience.
Tell The Lord how you feel and ask Him to confirm to your wife how your feel.
Wives tend to take out their frustrations on their husbands, as do the husbands also. This is a time to listen carefully to what your wife is telling you.
The scriptures state that a believer should stay with their unbelieving spouse if their spouse wants to stay with them.
In my experience, not many people open up their hearts to others. Love motives us to open our hearts and minds to those we care about.
When my fiance was thinking of leaving me, I begged her not to and opened up my heart to her in a crowded major train station - as I was only concerned about us and nothing else.
George.
repottinger:
I will pray for God to bring about some type of resolution to what must be such a painful, difficult situation, Greg.
Your brother in Christ,
Randy
Kat:
--- Quote from: lauriellen on August 17, 2015, 09:20:29 PM ---"This is from an old man who has the extensive experience of mountains of mistakes...."
That is certainly true....there is no teacher like experience....
"Your responsibility is to be a living example and to inspire her to live her life as best she can under the circumstances. One thing that believers on this forum can do is stop preaching to their relatives and spouses. AND if you are called upon to give an answer for the hope that lies within you; make it as brief as possible and shut up about it. Focus on being a loving friend..."
Such great advice filled with wisdom, yet sooooo hard to do!
"If a husband BEATS his wife, or ABUSES the children, or does NOT PROVIDE food and shelter for his family, or is totally IMMORAL, or DESERTS his wife, or DIES, then the wife is not expected to remained married to such a man if she does not desire, and the same is true she the wife commit these crimes. Almost all other things are just excuses to have one's cake and eat it too."
Marriage is hard under the best of circumstances. Sometimes it seems impossible.
,"your courting was not an accident, your marriage was not an accident, your fighting was not an accident, Your children did not arrive by accident, neither are you in this place by accident...read 1 Cor 13"
Sometimes at the end of an especially hard day, it's hard to understand what God is doing. It's hard to imagine that He has ordained so much pain and difficulty for some people.
I read someone post that "I have thought more about running away as an adult than I ever did as a child." ...
Jer 23:24 Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see him? saith the LORD. Do not I fill heaven and earth? saith the LORD.
--- End quote ---
Hi Lauriellen,
Maybe you should evaluate how you are interacting with your family... you do not want to antagonize people with your knowledge of the truth. I certainly do not know how you may have been demonstrating what you believe to anybody, but this is what I'm getting at, there is a difference in letting your light shine and telling/preaching to a blind person (that cannot possibly understand truth) that what they are doing/saying is wrong. A person that does not understand as you do may think of your attempt of helping them see the truth more as an attack and become defensive and you may drive them further away from listening to you. Again I do not know that you are doing any of this, just wanted give some examples that may help.
Col 4:5 Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time.
V. 6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one. (NKJV)
Here is the Easy to Read version.
Col 4:5 Be wise in the way you act with those who are not believers. Use your time in the best way you can.
v. 6 When you talk, you should always be kind and wise. Then you will be able to answer everyone in the way you should. (ERV)
If you can see what Paul is saying here it is that we should be careful how we speak with "those who are outside" - unbelievers. When we talk to them we should take care that it is "seasoned with salt" - prudent, tactful. While one answer is proper for one person, yet another kind of answer may be better for another person, as we see in Proverbs.
Pro 26:4 Do not answer a fool according to his folly, Lest you also be like him.
v. 5 Answer a fool according to his folly, Lest he be wise in his own eyes.
Sometimes we do need to give an answer when there is a discussion, to show we are not in agreement, while other times we should remain silent. We need to learn how to judge the situation and how to respond to it, sometimes a person simple can't bear/endure/comprehend what we think we are sharing a simple understanding. Even Jesus had to refrain from teaching his disciples too much.
John 16:12 "I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.
Think about how Paul spoke of being "all things to all people," he was never condescending, he would make himself as anybody's equal in whom he was conversing, in order to gain a good rapport with them.
1Co 9:19 For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them.
Paul was a free man, not a slave and not owing anybody, so self-sufficient, but yet he was willing to make himself totally available for service/work, whenever needed.
v. 22 To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some.
v. 23 I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings.
So my point in saying all this is that we have to use much discretion when talking about these truths to others, which requires knowing what to say, how much and when, so as not to bring trouble onto ourselves.
Pro 9:6 Leave your old, foolish ways and live! Advance along the path of understanding."
v. 7 Criticize a person who is rude and shows no respect, and you will only get insults. Correct the wicked, and you will only get hurt.
v. 8 Don't correct such people, or they will hate you. But correct those who are wise, and they will love you. (ERV)
mercy, peace and love
Kat
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