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marriage woes "divorce"

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Ian 155:
Greg,

Hav'nt met you and am not in your situation now,although reading what you wrote I certainly can share in your "woes",

In My Own case a while back in this life I was told,"your courting was not an accident,your marriage was not an accident,your fighting was not an accident,Your children did not arrive by accident,neither are you in this place by accident...read 1 Cor 13"

I will be praying for you "Boet"  [South African for brother] -

meantime check out 1 Cor 13 in fact,ask the Father to read it with you ... once you get that inside you, you stop looking at your self and you will put others before your present trial/circumstance,who knows ... with God anything/all is possible ... even un-divorces.

Marky Mark:

--- Quote ---I am a believer my wife is not, I do not want a divorce my wife does. Is there any scriptural help I am missing on this subject?
--- End quote ---



Hi Greg.

Everything that happens in your life, from your birth to your death [meaning 'everything' in between], was ordained for you.God is not surprised by His own works.

Psa 139:16 Thine eyes did see mine unformed substance; And in thy book they were all written, Even the days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was none of them.

The Lord is the one who will judge a believer in a marriage and free that believer from bondage, so that the believer, can be called to peace.

1Co 7:10  And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
1Co 7:11  But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
1Co 7:12  But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
1Co 7:13  And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
1Co 7:14  For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
1Co 7:15  But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.


Our pursuit is for peace and edification in one another,that being His church of believers, not the non-believers.

Rom 14:19 Consequently, then, we are pursuing that which makes for peace and that which is for edification of one another."
 

Our hope is in the Lord according to His own purpose and grace knowing that all things work together for good,written aforetime.

2Ti 1:9 Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began,

Rom 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.

Rom 15:4 For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.


As much as a failed marriage hurts,[been there]it is none the less, all of God.

Eph 1:11 In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will:

Amo 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?

Pro 16:1 The preparations of the heart in man, and the answer of the tongue, is from the LORD.

Pro 20:24 Man's goings are of the LORD; how can a man then understand his own way?

Isa 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.


Hope this is of some comfort for you Greg.

Peace...Mark

Gina:

--- Quote from: gregorydc on August 02, 2012, 02:55:44 PM ---Thank God for the three of you for your kind words from your heart and for your prayers, something we all could use every now and then.  I believe I. Made a bad choice when I asked my wife to marry me not looking at her through spiritual eyes and thinking I could help her not knowing that God was the only help for her.  I truly do love her still and both of my children. I still feel guilty for this disaster because of my bad decision it has effects on multiple lives especially my children, but I know searching for the truth in God and much praying is what brought me here and I am very thankful for that.  I still believe that divorce is wrong for forgiveness through love solves all problems. Starting to wander here thank you for the positive notes. One thing I don't quite get yet is this … if divorce is caused ultimately by God but he only condones adulteress divorce stated by Jesus how is it that so many of Gods children still seem ti divorce or put away for no reason at all,  and seemingly with no remorse or regret?
still curious
Greg

--- End quote ---

You're welcome, Gregory.

In answer to the highlighted question, that is because God makes vessels of honor and vessels of dishonor.   Given time, I guarantee you even the hardest, most calloused hearts do regret their decision to divorce.  We have this thing in us that makes us continually think that the grass is greener on the other side; and it might be for a time but when the novelty/newness of that wears off, it's back to square one.

You feel guilty for marrying your wife and thinking you could help her [help her ... meaning? - sorry-not trying to be nosey...] without first looking at her through spiritual eyes.  She left you, Gregory.  That's not what you ultimately wanted.  You had no way of knowing this would happen; that was not your intention at all.   But now you have all this fallout with your kids and with her.  I pray you and your wife will be reunited since you still love her.  But if she has made the decision to leave, you might have to just accept it for a while and maybe one day you two can be better friends apart than when you were married?  I've seen that happen too.  :) 

indianabob:
Hi Gregory,
This is from an old man who has the extensive experience of mountains of mistakes....

I don't know if you mentioned it in previous messages so if you did then please ignore my comments.

If you are a true believer and if your wife is not, that is not your responsibility to correct.  :)

Your responsibility is to be a living example and to inspire her to live her life as best she can under the circumstances. One thing that believers on this forum can do is stop preaching to their relatives and spouses. AND if you are called upon to give an answer for the hope that lies within you; make it as brief as possible and shut up about it. Focus on being a loving friend.

Yes it is very tempting to continually try to steer the conversation around to your "God given" personal beliefs, but it is not necessary to do that in order to stay married. (if that applies)

So what I am asking you to think about, no reply is needed, is whether your obvious beliefs are causing division, BECAUSE you keep bringing it up to her (or to others in her presence)

You can live with a woman, in marriage, without demanding your proper marriage privileges from her. You can live as a Eunuch and be happy, IF YOU DECIDE to be happy. Consider what the apostle Paul had to suffer all the years he served Lord Jesus in his ministry.

You have heard it said that the husband is the "proper" head of the wife and that the wife should submit herself to her own husband. True!! BUT.... The choice is hers not the husband's choice.

Consider that Christ is our absolute master and yet he does not even mention it to us unless we ask for correction. We need then to be like Christ in being "long suffering" in our relationships with other people and especially with our spouses.

Finally, please be aware that my comments were not asked for and may not apply to your situation so please take them with a spoonful of sugar to sweeten them where needed.

Kindly, Indianabob

gregorydc:
 To Gina I thought I could help her because , well I really don't know, just call it a damsel in distress , and I thought I was her knight.? 

To indianabob I wish I would have found this site a year ago and gotten your advice then. Ignorance has been killing me for quite some time. Lol I thank you very much for your advice and truly I say thank you. But I am pretty sure I have shattered and bashed and clubbed and stomped that all over the ground. I did nicely at putting my,what I thought was biblical knowledge, it out there and severely beat my wife with it. I wielded the hammer of God quite dangerously against her. Probably too late to fix that one. Again thank you. From a babe in Christ,
Greg

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