Hi Rev....
If you want some humble advice to aid in your finding peace, perhaps you should seek the source of your fear or resentment of God having a chain of command and responsibility.
Every society needs rules of conduct and judges to administer those rules so that we all can get along. This applies whether it is a small town or just a family situation. It is especially important when there are only two in the group. The majority cannot rule. Every vote is tied one to one, so somebody has to be able to break ties.
Rather than husbands and wives having to use their own ideas to figure it out in every case, God sets up a system that He, God approves of. That is important to understand because if we do it God's way then God can and will use His authority and spiritual or super natural power to make it work for both sides. Think about that for a while please.
I of course do not know what it is like to walk in your shoes, but I may have some personal experience that would be of help. Try me please. Old Indiana Bob
age 77, husband of one wife 51 years, 2 lovely daughters and two sons with whom I have had hundreds of hours of discussion and debate around the family dinner table.
Maybe my insights would be of no value to you, but why not take a chance. You get no where if we don't try it and you may learn something of interest and value to you.
Love and hugs, Ole Indiana Bob