I received this as an email....
Church Services in the Near Future
PASTOR: Praise the Lord.
CONGREGATION: Hallelujah!
PASTOR:
Can we please turn our tablet PC, iPad, cellphone, Kindle Bibles to 1 Cor. 13:13. And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon.
PASTOR:
Let us pray, committing this week into God's hands. Open your Apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook and chat with God.
PASTOR:
Please have your credit and debit cards ready as we shall now take tithes and offerings. You can log on to the church Wi-Fi using the password Lord909887.
Ushers circulate mobile card swipe machines among the worshipers. Those who prefer to make electronic funds transfers are directed to computers and laptopsat the rear of the church and those who prefer to use iPads are allowed to flip them open. Those who prefer telephone banking are allowed to take out their cellphones to transfer their contributions to the church bank account.
(The holy atmosphere is truly electric as the cellphones, iPads, PCs and laptops beep and flicker!)
[Announcement]
SECRETARY:
This week's cell meetings shall be held on the various Facebook group pages where the usual group chatting takes place. Please don't miss out. Thursday's bible teachings will be held live on Skype at 1900hrs GMT. Please don't miss out. You can follow your Pastor on Twitter this weekend for counseling and prayers. God bless you and have a wonderful week !
Confessions can be e-mailed to the church secretary's inbox - please limit sins to a maximum of 10 per week ( bullet point format please ). Penance will be dispensed in a mass e-mail. Automated pre-recorded prayers for atonement are not allowed. Please turn off your SPAM filters, and disable your out-of-office auto-reply.
There will be a special collection offering to upgrade our WiFi serivce router,..... thus providing a lightning fast direct high speed connection to the Lord.
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Topic: Church services in the near future (Read 3237 times)