You know Virginia, when my youngest child was adopted at birth I had terrifying thoughts of if she would be accepted by her parents and their biological sons and their extended family. And I was panicked because I came from a very abusive home, and right around the time she was adopted there was an attorney in NY who had adopted this beautiful little girl and beat her to death when she was about five. Tell me that didn't scare me to death..
I was not close to God at all when I met her father and got pregnant with her. I pretty much just flipped God off and said, you know what? I can't walk this "Christian" walk and I'm tired of being alone and blah, blah, blah, so I figured God would never hear my prayers and that I was being punished by getting pregnant for what I'd said to God and that he would never protect her even if I asked Him to, because I was such a bad person.
I had signed the adoption papers and she was out of my control and three months after she was born, I took a nosedive -- my hormones were all over the place on top of all my anxiety about her well being and I told my psychologist how I was feeling and she said, you either go into the hospital or I'll have put there, but you're not going to kill yourself. So I went in, and while I was there I came to my senses (because I did not want to be in there). I went to all the workshops and I learned about cognitive therapy -- all or nothing thinking. And I learned that I was doing a ton of that. "I'll never be any good." "I always screw things up." "I'm a bad person." "I always make the wrong decisions."
And the fact of the matter is most of it was true. So I turned back to God. And I said, God, please protect my daughter with your angels. Just surround her and don't let anyone harm her physically or mentally. Because you know stuff that happens in prisons can happens anywhere. So when she turned about 2-1/2, I was visiting her adoptive mom (it was an open adoption) and she told me how my daughter was laying in her bed one night and talking and babbling and giggling and her mom asked her who she was talking to because there was no one in the room with her, and my daughter said, The babies. Well, her adoptive mom was all into "angels" at that time and since there was no one in the room with my daughter, she just knew she was talking to angels, and it was very comforting to me at that time. That's what I needed to hear more than anything. And I started to trust God again a little, but it would be a long, hard road. But over the years I wondered if that really actually happened, and so when she turned 14, I asked her myself, and I said, how many "babies" were there with you, and she said, seven. And I thought well, how could she know there were seven unless there really were seven of them (she was 2-1/2), and they stayed with her until she learned to count, or something. We know that angels are not "babies," but hey if Jesus can transform Himself, and Satan transforms himself to an angel of light, why can't God transform His angels that protected my daughter (to comfort her and me), into babies?
Anyway, my reason for telling you all that was to give you hope that if you pray that your sons are protected by God, He will protect them. Why not? Why can't He do that, Virginia?
Let's not lose all hope. We always have hope.
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Topic: update on what has happened so far (Read 4506 times)