Standing on the sand of the sea.....

[Patric]

I have been reading through the LAKE OF FIRE series by Ray once again. I am picking up things I missed and reassuring myself of my own faith. At times of my life I watch the beast come up out of the sea and he has power to overcome the saints! If it were possible even the very elect. I am that beast. WOW I am realizing since I came out of the sea and began to build my spiritual house on the earth.....it crashed! SUCH A GREAT FALL.

I began going to church when I was 21 and before that I was what you call a CEO Christian.....you know I went on Christmas and Easter ONLY! I willingly was baptized and joined a nondenominational church where I learned much about myself and humanity as well as sin. 3 years later I attempted to take my own life.....and before that I stopped attending the church but knew the truth....or religion or something I thought was Spiritual......at this point my house was crashing....but still not fallen.....it was not until 4 years later when I began going back to this same church and saw things.....that I was not doing.....or doing. My heart was moved but I still had only a glimpse of my spiritual condition.

I slowly walked away and stopped attending. Repulsed by the dead so to speak. I loved many of the people, but my house had fallen with a great crash at this time. I had left my first love, and it was time to repent. I was called out of her....and even said those words to others that asked me. I knew that this was not where I was supposed to be. The Father was revealing things to me.....and my heart was eager and open.....low and behold I was searching my Bible and the internet for answers....when I found many words from one L. Ray Smith and began reading and reading.....praying.....reading.....and the foolishness of preaching was sinking in.....my blind eyes were seeing.....my deaf ears hearing.....my dead spirit being brought to life. WOW....WOW....WOW....such peace and love and the truth was harmony in my heart.

I felt as if I was the a harlot being given life after committing such horrible sins. Mind you my entire life I have been a good dude! LOL I did not have sex.....did good in school.....though I smoked cigarettes....masturbated and got high less than 1/2 a dozen times in my life....I never got drunk....and though I was not a goody two shoes, but I never hurt no one and still I knew there had to be more to life then what was shown to me. So here I am now.....convinced that I am now standing on the shore of sand of the sea.....ready to build my house on the ROCK. This of course has been going on for a few years.....here fellow shipping with all of you and praying....learning.....studying....reading.....building....why is it the few influences of my life are in agreement? The Spirit of the Father is working.....Paul.....Ray.....Jesus....all the letters and books of the Bible itself.....and I find harmony.

I understand things and as if like Peter did with two Psalms that seeming had nothing to do with each other said that is how they were going to replace Judas, so I too was living a new life. I just found out my virginity which mostly was due to being shy and a bit of moral values is also coupled with the lack of ability now to even be aroused in the physical nature of myself (though 35 years in the process). I would be of no use to a woman in marriage for sex save all but love. I stimulate my mind often and with things that are perverted. Surely these are wood.....straw....and hay.....not the costly stones of value to my spirit that will be withstanding the fire. I often ask myself and my Lord....."what is wrong with me?" why do I think such thoughts.....or do such actions......and I know that I am building my house.....and encouraging my friends and family as well as total strangers at times to build their own. My depression is a great enemy to my house! As is my own flesh and thoughts as well as most of my actions. Does one have to finally know they are building such a house to be able to do it right? Ray says we all will fall away and have the need to repent.....and so Christ said it first in Revelations.....to the seven Churches (the woman).....and of course he calls all of his elect to come out of 'her'. So yes! This is exciting to me.....but my own humility will know that is by his will and plan alone that I will be continuing my salvation as I work out this with fear and trembling. Realizing that it is he who is using fire upon me. Christ has fallen upon me......grinding me to powder. Amen

thanx for listening to my foolish preaching as this grace has shown me a bit of truth.

[dodrill]

Good to see 'the man in the mirror' - and what manner of man are we? when we walk away and forget who we are? I have a problem when we think sensuality or desire become our fall - we need this - and a healthy expression of it - how else can we procreate? self express? Love is creativity - pro-creativity. I think we are hindered when we shut off expression for desire of touch - sure not lust - but just an embrace of a loved one - it is a gift and an expression of the Divine - use it wisely x

[dodrill]

Just a thought wonderful BT family - it is common to expect circumcision - as a male expression of purity and sacrifice - bet seldom do we acknowledge virginity of the feminine - why is it that the feminine always has to be the whore? When we look inside ourselves - we are both? just a thought - Our Lord and Creator is BOTH male and female - Thank you always for this LORD - let us learn to embrace each other - the other side of ourselves too

[Patric]

Thank you Hayley for your points and encouragement as well. The feminine perspective has always been very important to me. A source of some struggles from within too. I trust not my own wisdom.....and trust the Spirit working in my brothers and sisters! In humility homeless.....orphans....widows.....prisoners.....the forgotten often teach me more than any theologian has for sure!  You my sister have opened my eyes from my rib if you can accept my spiritual words here. Though I have never married.....nor had such relations.....I find much to be shared from the female and virginity as a pure more then meaning of physical perspective.