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Losing the will to live... Feels like I was born in Hell
Pierdut:
I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. Why does God hate me so much? After all, did He not create me? Why would God create something He hates? I never asked to be born; now I'm just looking to find a way out. I just can't win; I try and try and things just constantly go wrong in my life - I can't catch a break. My life consists of seeing other people have what I never will - I will never be happy, neither in this life nor the next (if such exists, and I hope it doesn't). You can't comprehend the misery I feel, the hopelessnes, and the rage.
I tried coming to God for help, but that too was in vain. Either He doesn't exist, or He doesn't care, and just hates me, and therefore gets pleasure out of my suffering.
There is no worse feeling than trying and trying, and giving it all you got only to fail time and time again. It's as if some mysterious force was working against me not letting me succeed in life. So what can I do? What's the point of laboring 10 hours a day 5 days a week, and then putting in 6-7 hours on Saturday when it's all for nothing? Really what is the point?
I don't care if you laugh; saying "what a loser" or whatever. It is not for lack of trying - I am not lazy, I am just cursed. Something won't let me succeed, and it is beyond my ability to do something about. So what am I supposed to do? I've prayed, I've tried to repent, and it all just seems like it was in vain.
Rhys 🕊:
Sad to hear what you are going through. Suffering is a part of this life and who likes that. Why do some get it worse than others? I'm not sure myself but I know God is at work. Look at what Paul went through......terrible but he knew of the hope in Christ he had.
God doesn't hate you. You wouldn't be posting on here if he did.
I'm sure no one is going to laugh at you on here. If they do that they don't belong here and are not part of us.
If we don't succeed as we see success it is still of God. He has something great in mind for you so keep going and don't give up.
Hope this passage is of help to you:
Heb 12:6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives."
Heb 12:7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?
Heb 12:8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.
Heb 12:9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?
Heb 12:10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.
Heb 12:11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Also encourage you to read this one from Ray's email early last year from someone going through a hard time. Bit long to put here:
http://forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,14047.msg123886.html#msg123886
I'm praying for you.
Rhys
Pierdut:
Hi Rhys,
I hope you are right, and I appreciate your response and prayer. I can identify with that Canadian reader on many things but for different reasons. I also read your intro and that was quite something - I've never experienced anything like that, and don't think I want to, but I'm glad that it's over and done with for you.
I wish God would answer me...
I'll try again now to get some sleep as I have to be up early tomorrow.
Rhys 🕊:
And trials and hardship continues even though I don't suffer from those attacks anymore.
If God hates you it's only because your sins are of such a level to be so:
As Ray says in his paper: http://bible-truths.com/WhyGodLovesYou.htm
However, when sinning becomes a way of life, and the sins are of a certain magnitude and grossness, God hates the sinner as well as his sins.
But even for those people God commends His love towards them and will save them to in His time.
I don't believe that type of sinner is you or me, yes we sin but we long to get out of it and we bring it to Him. God knows what we can handle and how much heat we need.
That whole paper is good so read that one when you can or bit at a time. I would just be quoting from it if I continue because what I feel is covered in there.
Also don't be concerned about what others have. I've been like that most of my life and feeling I've done something wrong to be suffering in the ways I have and thinking if I only had this and was more like that person. It will make you sick if you continue, maybe not physically but in your mind. This life is more than what we see. People who think they have it all and are happy and content in this life will one day realise they missed it all. There security is in the foolishness of man and they trust in the things of this life. Been there and done that and God will bring you to your knees and then you will realise what life is and how glorious it is because it's found in Him. That's where your life is. How much do we have to go through to see that? That's up to God. He brought me out of the pit I was in and there is great joy in that. Without being in the pit I would not know of it. Sometimes God's ways seem strange and unfair but that is in our limited wisdom. God's wisdom far exceeds and I've been through enough to see that. Don't worry about the person who has a million dollars with all the flash stuff and the happy perfect family. It's not where the true life is and the more I discover of it the more I realise I don't want all that stuff. Give me the life in Him and more of it whatever the cost because every penny is worth it and what God will give will far exceed what you paid. He paid the ultimate price and let's not forget that. You will one day feel like I do with feelings of I don't think I paid enough Lord for this life I have now. Thank God for His grace and thank God again for it.
God bless you on your journey as that is what you are on, yes unpleasant and hard at this time but one day it won't be. God will see to it. I've experienced that love you can't put into words and God truly is awesome. Remember you are unique to Him. One of a kind are you and me. From the same paper I like how Ray puts it:
Yes, you were "for-known" before you were ever born
God's family, God's plan, God's universe would not be complete without YOU! No one can take your place. There is one of you and there will always only be one of you. You need to think about this and meditate on it. Too many people feel that their life is of little if any value. That's not true, you are so incredibly important to God that Jesus Christ voluntarily laid down His life on the cross, not because your sins had some power over God's life; not to pay some divine debt that you owed God, not to appease the wrath of God, not because He had to die for you, but because GOD LOVES YOU, and He would do anything to prove His eternal love and devotion for HIS FAMILY AND CHILDREN, of whom you are totally unique.
I love that bit from Ray it does something in my spirit
Rhys
cjwood:
I love that bit from Ray it does something in my spirit
that bit ray wrote does something in my spirit too rhys. it gives hope and joy to me. btw, your entire post reply to pierdut was full of wisdom and love. spot on brother kiwi. 8)
claudia
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