I love people and it was very hard for me to think that all these people i am surrounded by one day was going to hell! I would run in my Mom's room and cry my eyes out for hours. I loved God but this stupid place was running me right into depression who wants the gift of the knowledge of the Lord when you have to chase after people shoving the name Jesus down their throat and begging God for them to understand because other wise they are tortured for eternity?
My name is lark i am 16 years old
I grew up with a sick mother who was dying from the torture of ..... a lot of abusers a gaslight effect if anyone has seen that very old movie. I was daddy and grandmas little girl but only because they wanted me to leave my mom and like them better ( to abuse my mom). When i was 11 years old i realized that my father had been using me for other purposes as well.... My mom rushed me away to another place and promptly kicked him out of the house. I went to a ladies house to stay because i did not want to face my dad when my mom kicked him out, but while i was there the lady acted like i was tainted. She told me i was not aloud to talk to her daughter about anything she was not aloud to come into the attic room i was staying in, and around 9pm the father would ship me up to the room and force me to go to bed while the rest of the family stayed up for hours.
Having no friends or family ( they didn't believe me and took my dad's side) i only had one person talking to me who was my older cousin. Flash forward i had been violated and abused by family AGAIN only over the internet. I went on to meet other men off the internet because i figured they will never love me so i will use them for their words. For years i was in depression having very graphic images of my self dead on my bathroom floor, blocking all sunlight out of my room telling God some...... not very nice things. I went to counselors but they told me i was just upset i didn't have a boyfriend and that its normal for kids my age, then they promptly handed me two verses and told me to read them. I hated church everyone their had fake smiles and a bunch of lies all over their faces, especially while my family was suffering and no one would help us.
But God was leading me out of all these fake Christian ways i had been raised in.
I didn't come out of depression until sophomore year oh high school when i started being social with people .... and boys. By the end of sophomore year i decided i liked not having many friends and that boys were annoying and nasty. I had been understanding truth about God and had realized I'm so not cut out for the worlds way of living. That was until my dad moved to south america and i freaked out. I don't know if i was upset or if i wanted to get back at God why i went back to sin i don't know. But i did and i went and asked this boy out knowing i was using him like all the others, and knowing i was going to crush him in the end. The whole time i was afraid God was going to throw my piece of silver away i felt guilty every day, i even had my first panic attack on the phone. I told the boy from the beginning God does not want us together, and that i am in big trouble, leave it to this 16 year old to think that she can out smart and hide things from God.
End of story After a little over a month I fell apart because i was going back into depression and back to being the most dreadful manipulation control freak and i lost my love of my life God. So i told the guy i had to talk to him i told him what i had done that i was so sorry that I need to go back to God....... this does not compute at all with him, and he proceeds to gossip about me to everyone ( i go to a very very small school ), and then ask my friend to hand me a note which said to ...... well leave him alone and quote " stop pushing your religion on me". As i expected it did not go well i cried my eyes out on the floor and was so happy that God fought me so much inside because he loved me so much he was not going to let me be taken by a guy who wore more jewelry then me and gossiped worse then an old church lady. I was still really guilty for six months afterwards because i thought i just ruined God for him completely and gave him a one way ticket to hell. Thankfully that was not true.
Now i am with my Beautiful mother who also has been brought out of the fire, she is much smarter then me though with all this stuff, she is the one who told me about Ray and the lake of fire series. I hope to be able to talk to some other people about God on here he is the most beautiful thing i have ever dreamed of, problem is you can never find anyone who understands this. During my hardships God lead me to play guitar, i sing my prayers to him now.....
So that's my life in a very tiny nut shell. Nice to meet you
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Topic: I'm new (Read 6839 times)