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I feel so alone
lilitalienboi16:
--- Quote from: Extol on August 05, 2014, 11:27:16 AM ---A lot of people these days don't care much for marriage; "just a piece of paper," they say. I know Ray (and most of us here) do not agree with that sentiment, and I can personally testify to the power of that "piece of paper." My wife and I have had some fiery trials in our four years together. Had we not been married, it is possible--even probable-- we would have separated. It would have been much easier to part ways if we were merely "dating" or merely "lovers." But the "piece of paper" held us together. We were committed to each other and committed to our relationship, and we were determined, with God's help, to honor that commitment.
Of course, it doesn't work out that way for everybody. Many people don't have a problem saying "Adios" even after signing the piece of paper. But for us, it was a bond that held us together.
I guess the point I'm trying to make--painful though it may be--is to not be surprised if your lover wants to end this. It's a lot easier to end it--and induces less guilt--without having committed to one another in marriage, even if you have taken on the father role wholeheartedly. Obviously I don't know your lover or know what she's thinking, but what you quoted here--"the love is gone but she says it is absolutely none of my doing"--sounds like a slightly fancier version of the universal, candy-coated excuse for breaking up: "It's not you, it's me."
You can pray that God will not dismantle this, and hope that your prayer will be answered. But there is another prayer that is even more important that you should want answered, and indeed must be answered. And I think you know what that prayer is. ;)
--- End quote ---
I'm sorry Jesse, I'm afraid I don't follow you. The only prayer I know is always ever answered is "Thy will be done."
Painful doesn't begin to describe losing the last three years of your life, losing what is very much your own child, and for reasons that cannot be articulated to you. She is my daughter. She is as real as a daughter could be, as we all are sons and daughters of our real Father, so is she my daughter. I know I have never been in control of my life and that is why I haven't lost all hope that this issue cannot be resolved but many moments in my life recently have come to a crescendo and all during a difficult period that have made matters worse.
Marriage was not done for many various reasons and I know the Lord knows our reasons for not doing it. I cannot know if He looked upon our relationship with disapproval or if He we were blessed in it, all I know is that to me, the reasons made sense. They included financial reasons. They included the fact that she was married prior to our relationship but due to infidelity on her husband's part and abuse the marriage was ended. She was hesitant to jump right back into another marriage after what she experienced and I respected that. The other major fact was that as boyfriend and girlfriend, we needed to actually date. In this day and age, you don't just pick a girl and say I'm going to marry her! You date, find out whether you two are a match, can you live together? etc...
My plan was to propose to her once I got accepted into medical school as a promise that we would be together and a sign of my commitment to her.
Its amazing how the whole world can turn on you in a heartbeat though. My own brother I never thought could feel so angry towards me to the point of hatred, has and does at times feel that way towards me.
Extol:
You got it. "Thy will be done" is what I was implying at the end. And we both know that is the one prayer that is always answered. And in this time of pain, I hope you can take some comfort in that. Whether you lose your love or marry her, it is God's will that will be done. You may have 50 years of happiness with her, or you may lose her next week; but either way, it will be God's will. And what's more, it will be for your good.
You date, find out whether you two are a match, can you live together? etc...
I disagree with that last part. Though many people think otherwise, it's entirely possible to get married without having lived together. It is possible to have a very happy marriage, even if there are some growing pains as you learn how to live together after the wedding. In my own opinion, when people say "We have to find out if we can live together..." what they are really saying is "We want to find out if we like having sex with each other," or "We want to have sex without all the fuss of getting married." My wife had a friend who could not believe she married me without first finding out if we were "sexually compatible." Incredible! Have things really gotten that bad?
Anyway, are the angry feelings of your brother and the angry feelings of your love somehow connected? Or do you think they are entirely independent of one another? And is it for "[Christ's] name's sake" that they feel that way? Either way, I know this is rough for you, and you will be in my prayers.
lilitalienboi16:
--- Quote from: Extol on August 05, 2014, 02:27:37 PM ---You got it. "Thy will be done" is what I was implying at the end. And we both know that is the one prayer that is always answered. And in this time of pain, I hope you can take some comfort in that. Whether you lose your love or marry her, it is God's will that will be done. You may have 50 years of happiness with her, or you may lose her next week; but either way, it will be God's will. And what's more, it will be for your good.
You date, find out whether you two are a match, can you live together? etc...
I disagree with that last part. Though many people think otherwise, it's entirely possible to get married without having lived together. It is possible to have a very happy marriage, even if there are some growing pains as you learn how to live together after the wedding. In my own opinion, when people say "We have to find out if we can live together..." what they are really saying is "We want to find out if we like having sex with each other," or "We want to have sex without all the fuss of getting married." My wife had a friend who could not believe she married me without first finding out if we were "sexually compatible." Incredible! Have things really gotten that bad?
Anyway, are the angry feelings of your brother and the angry feelings of your love somehow connected? Or do you think they are entirely independent of one another? And is it for "[Christ's] name's sake" that they feel that way? Either way, I know this is rough for you, and you will be in my prayers.
--- End quote ---
To your disagreement, I say I disagree Jesse. For me it was never about finding out if we were sexually compatible. I'm not sure I ever shared with you all the family I grew up in but if I haven't then it is worth noting that it is by far the most dysfunctional and completely broken family I know of anyone in my life. That being said, seeing my parents fight physically and verbally is enough to drive anyone to be weary of marriage or at the very least, afraid to jump into it head first. I had to make sure that we would not end up as my parents did before I committed my life to it. Marriage i take very seriously and wanted to make sure it would last a lifetime.
As to my brother, it is in part related but it is also not related. It is very difficult to explain here without giving you the dynamics of my family life and I am a bit hesitant to reveal all its dysfunctions and problems on the forums. The reason it is related is because my girlfriend and I live with my parents where my brothers also lives. I can explain this in greater detail to you over the phone if you'd like to talk about it there but otherwise, at this point in time, i'd rather not divulge everything about my family here.
Thank you for engaging me in this discussion Jesse. In the end I am only human and all these growing pains, though they are for my benefit, still hurt. I just don't understand how all of you seem so much stronger. Dealing with your issues in private and between God. Me... I always call upon your help here, I feel like a burden sometimes. Thanks for putting up with me.
God bless,
Alex
Kat:
Hi Alex,
I want to be encouraging, but we know nobody really lives that charmed life we all wish we had. Facing the reality that this life is for learning about good and evil makes you fully aware that there is going to be the good, but also the bad. And it sure seems to be a lot of bad... but then there is that good and that makes it all worth while, doesn't it?
I think what makes a difference is attitude, try not to dwell on the negative possibilities, or better known as worry. Christ made this point a good many times.
Matt 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Yes we all must face problems and trials, it is how we learn... that is for sure, because we all have built in weaknesses of one kind or another. Our own weaknesses are bad enough, but we are also many times effected by the weaknesses of others, making life less predictable and more difficult. So are we to lose hope of really having any kind of a good life? I don't think so, as I was saying there is the good parts in life.
I know from my personal experiences that I did have to go through some real difficulties, it's never easy and while in the midst of these things it does seem overwhelming. But if our trials were easy, would they really be a trial? So are the trials and struggles worth those oh so fleeting good times? Absolutely, the good experiences, the people I have known and the joys make me so thankful, and I'm so happy to have had them, it certainly has been worth it.
I guess we all know that bad things happen to good people, I think the most we can do is try to live a righteous life and hope to at lease minimize the negative consequences from wrong behavior. And of course this is not easy, you need help, a lot of help and you know where that comes from, therefore PRAY!
Mat 6:27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
v. 28 "So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin;
Mat 6:31 "Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'
v. 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
v. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Knowing the truth gives you a great advantage, do the best you can and then when you slip and stumble throw yourself on God's mercy, it far exceeds any and every sin we may comment.
Eph 2:4 But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us,
Did you know that the Apostle John is 'traditionally,' believed to be the youngest disciple, perhaps as young as 16-20 at the time of the crucifixion of Christ? And there is a possibility that some of the other disciples were under 20 (except for Peter was known to be older). Reason being in Matthew 17 to pay a required tax Jesus instructs Peter to going fishing and he would find the coin to pay it. Peter does so and finds it in the mouth of the fish, and was instructed to pay the tax for himself and Jesus only. So this could mean that the rest did not need to pay the required (tax law-Exodus 30:14-15) and were under the age of 20 or perhaps they had already paid it. Though accounts differ concerning their ages I think the idea of some of them being a young age is very interesting.
Php 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!
v. 5 Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.
v. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
v. 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
mercy, peace and love
Kat
lilitalienboi16:
Yes there are good things in life. I have known those good things. I am thankful for them, for however long they lasted.
Thank you for the encouragement Kat... I will do my best to "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let my requests be made known to God;
that the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard my heart and mind through Christ Jesus."
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