My wife

[jojoross]

Hey everybody,

So I still go to "church" with my wife.  It's getting more difficult for me to keep my comments to myself when the "pastor" is talking.  Basically what I do is give her versus that contradict what the "pastor" just mentioned.  What I didn't realize is that I have been doing this every time we went to "church".  And believe me I have been discussing with my wife abouth the truths I have found in the Word of God thanks to bible-truths and to God opening up my eyes.  Well yesterday was like a boiling point and my wife finally said that now she feels negative every time she goes to church with me.  I have mentioned email discussions I have had with both head "pastors" as well.  The email discussions proved that these men were contradicting Gods word (Free Will and Eternal Hell). 

I can tell she is suffering.  She has been a carnal Christian all her life.  I can tell she is confused and hurt.  This makes me feel like oh man, am I doing the right thing?  Then a second guess my self and all my hours of study in Gods Word.  Like, have I been bamboozled?  Is Ray rightly dividing Gods Word?  Ahhhh it is such a difficult thing knowing Truth!  But then I step back and really pray and in my heart I know that Hell and Free Will are so against what the Word of God says.  These two truths have been such a powerful eye opener for me.  I am still new to all this.  I have to tell myself to trust God and in the end, He will bring about His BEAUTIFUL PLAN: SAVE ALL MANKIND!

Ok sorry for the long post.  Please pray for my wife and I.  Maybe if anyone has some pointers for me, that would be awesome!  I am thinking stop saying things in "church" and just wait for my wife to ask ME questions.  Anyway, Gods Peace guys and thanks for reading!

Jordan

[Dave in Tenn]

Being 'not married' I can only imagine what you are going through.  But I think your THOUGHTS are leading you in the right direction.

" I am thinking stop saying things in "church" and just wait for my wife to ask ME questions." 

Oddly, that what Ray continually reminded 'us' that Scripture says we do.     Maybe you've preached enough with Scripture and words until she herself is 'hungry and thirsty'.  Be a good husband and love your wife as Christ loved the church.  Her future with Him is just as sure as yours.  Do that, and any doubt in her heart about the wisdom and goodness of God will be illuminated with an example from you.   

[Kat]

Hi Jordan,

Then a second guess my self and all my hours of study in Gods Word.  Like, have I been bamboozled?  Is Ray rightly dividing Gods Word?  Ahhhh it is such a difficult thing knowing Truth!  But then I step back and really pray and in my heart I know that Hell and Free Will are so against what the Word of God says.

To me that which I underlined is what you have to keep doing and God will lead you in the right direction. Keep giving yourself plenty of spiritual food from the Word of God and stay close to God in pray and that will keep the doubts away.

John 6:51  I am the living bread which came down from heaven. If anyone eats [consume, take in] of this [spiritual] bread, he will live forever; and the bread that I shall give is My [spiritual] flesh, which I shall give for the life of the world."

John 6:57  As the living Father sent Me, and I live because of the Father, so he who feeds (consumes) on Me [the Word] will [spiritual] live because of Me. [My additions in brackets]

mercy, peace and love
Kat

[Extol]

Hi Jordan,

Is it possible for you to not go to church with her anymore? Since it is difficult for you, and makes her feel negative, maybe it would be better for both if you didn't accompany her...and wait for her to ask about the hope that lies within you. (Or perhaps it is good that she's "feeling negative"...maybe that is the start of her feeling negative about what the church teaches. But that's not the vibe I got from your e-mail.)

Either way, be a good husband to her, even if she does not yet embrace these truths. She will someday, in this age or one that is coming. 

[jojoross]

Dave in Tenn,

I love what you said: until she herself is 'hungry and thirsty'.  That is so true!  Thanks brother...and I will!

Kat,

You are so right when you say keep on feeding on that spiritual food!  I just got to keep close to God!  Thank you Kat!

Extol,

I have felt that way too, in not going to "church" anymore.  I have to pray about that.  It is soooo hard for me, let me tell ya!

I think my wife feeling negative about the "church" is a GOOD thing too.  You are right man. That's what I went through when God first opened my eyes. Again, I just to show her my (Gods) GOOD WORKS and just be a good husband, simple as that.  Thanks brother for your words! 


GODS PEACE,
Jordan

[se7en]

Jordan,

I have been in your exact same shoes! From your description, I know exactly how you feel

When the Lord was coming for the second time in my life... I had been studying for quite a while, and as I studied and God showing me His Truth... I started to show my wife... but she just was not ready. I still went to church while all this was going on. But then I brought these Truths to my pastors and well, you know how that goes.

I got to the point  where I could not attend church anymore. I was disgusted with it and what they taught. It was a time of big change and upheaval in my life, I mean... when Christ comes to us in the brightness of His coming, it tears the foundation out from us and we are crushed! So I began to take it out on my wife (the closest relationship I have) because as humans we all tend to reflect what's happening to us... outwardly.

Over the course of a year and a half of this, the Lord finally broke me and I knew I couldn't "color in her coloring book".  The Lord has given her a measure of faith for where she is presently. I had to accept that and realize I couldn't dominate her faith.  It nearly cost us our marraige.

I still do not attend church, but since I have no dominion over her faith, she still attends church. She knows what I believe and I know what she believes, I can't MAKE her not go (haha i've tried that too). Accepting that God is working with her just as he is working with me was a tough lesson for me. He does ALL THINGS after the council of His own will.

It made me more compassionate to those that have no incling of who Christ is, I forgive them (I'm offended by their doctrine) because it's not even their fault! 

I've also learned that most people... 99% of all people, only speak to hear themselves talk. We all have something to say, and we all have topics and subjects we enjoy and love to share with others.  But people... 99.9% of people could CARE LESS about what God is really doing. Again, not their fault, I was even once among their number, I cannot boast about anything, it's all His doing. He drags us to Himself, and in time... He will drag them as well.

So now I am patient with my wife, I listen, and she has once again started to trust me enough to talk to me about "spiritual" matters. She will tell me what scripture she's been reading and how she see's the world and what God has been showing her, and I smile and nod and repeat her words back to her because SHE DOESNT WANT TO HEAR ME (us, the Truth)... she is talking to hear herself speak and work out her problems.

It's not until there is a falling away first, that anyone could ever enter into the kingdom of God. Something has to be wrong, something within us (we know it's the Lord working it) tells us that something is not right inside, that we need a physician, that we are sick and need a healer. Until that occurs within others, as it's happened to us, there is no entering in.

There are some things she does accept.... the doctrine of tithing to the church, she did see that farce right away. But as we all do in that stage of our walk, we pick and choose what doctrine suits us best.

It is a sad thing, knowing on the inside the things you know and not be able to share it with the person your (physically) closest to. It's patient enduring... knowing that one day... one day, the Lord will give her eyes to see and ears to hear. What a beautiful day!

I caused much grief and pain in our marraige because I was right and she was wrong. It took the Lord to burn that haughtyness out of me and humble me.

"no coloring in her coloring book" If she thinks Mickey Mouses nose is red, then to her Mickey Mouse's nose is red. I'm not going to change her mind, and it's not my job to. I do and will answer questions truthfully WHEN ASKED, but I've learned that no one cares what the body of Christ thinks.... They only want to speak to be heard.

Until she comes to you in tears saying, "something is wrong, I need help.", then she only wants to talk about what she wants to talk about, the God inside her. If she says "what do you think?" believe me when I say this... she doesn't care what you "Jordan" thinks. She wants to hear her own words spoken back to her. We do this as carnal beasts, we love to hear our own words spoken back to us. The "Free will" within her doesn't allow her to see it any other way.

We are not perfected, but we are becoming mature with the right foundation laid. Until their foundation is crushed and shaken... no amount of trying to color in their coloring book will take effect. It is strong dilussion indeed. If you have tried to show her, and brought 2 or 3 witnesses (scripture) with you to establish a truth and she doesn't accept... then it's done. No arguing over doubtful disputations... it only leads to pain and heart ache... you have to cut that part of your body off and turn it over to satan for the destruction of the flesh.

Jordan, some really practical tips in communicating with your wife... I've learned recently about building rapport with people. The best way to do this is to mirror them. The beast within us thinks that if other people act like us, then they are safe and we can put down any defense because we are not in danger. When you mirror anyone (not just your wife), their subconcious thinks... "that guy is just like me, we can relax, we are not in danger".

Then they will open up and actually speak with you. When I say mirror, I mean, mirror their actions. If they are sitting a certain way, you slowly adopt that same pose... if they make a gesture... when you speak when it's your time to speak... you make that same exact gesture. Because you see, to that carnal beast in all of us... that gesture is safe.  Your speaking their language in order to be able to communicate with them more effectively.  Also, use their same words... repeat their own same exact words back to them. Their wording or phrasing means something to them, so when you repeat it back... they hear themselves and they love it. (we all do this, not just the them and us).

If I want to talk to a person who speaks japanese I have to learn to speak japanese in order to communicate. If you want to be an effective communicator, you have to speak their language. Once you have built rapport with this person (over a series of talks and communicating and mirroring) then.... THEN it's safe to make certain suggestions or comments, but always remember the safe gestures when you speak.

When I began to do this with my wife, our communication changed over night. It was amazing!!! Instead of me speaking to be heard, to hear myself talk... I was actually listening to what she was saying and focusing on doing the same gestures she was doing. I've learned so much about her just by doing this.  Patiently listening and mirroring. My focus is not on me or what I'm about to say. My focus is on them, and how they are gesturing and what words they are using. We ourselves take a back seat and the other person see's a mirror of themselves. Defenses are taken down and trust/rapport is built. There is more to mirroring and matching but I feel like i'm being to long winded! If you want to learn more type in "how do I build rapport" in goodle or "how do i mirror someone".

I saw an IMMEDIATE change in how my wife communicated with me when I started to do this. Before, she and I were just closed off and didn't even want to speak with each other.

Our marraige is even better than it was before! I'm going on and on. I'll stop there. Jordan, I hope this was encouraging

[se7en]

Jordan,

I hope I was being clear in my post...

After speaking with your wife and showing her the Truth from the scriptures and she doesn't see it... Then there is no point in trying to make her see it. You can't force it on her. Not saying you have, but that was my experience.

That's what I had to learn. Be patient and loving, speak her language until Christ begins to drag her.  I have not witnessed this (the dragging of my wife to Christ) in my own personal life yet, but I bet it looks similar to most of our stories... we realised we were broken and needed a physician, things just don't line up in the Word, etc. etc.

I hope this has helped!

[jojoross]

se7en,

Brother that is what I needed to hear! GREAT advice!  Thank you so much for taking the time to post what you did.  Thank you thank you thank you!  God bless!



Jordan

[acomplishedartis]

Or you could just say it all like this:


THOU SHALT LOVE THY FELLOW MAN AS MUCH AS THYSELF

Jesus
   

[se7en]

Jordan,

So glad that helped!  When you posted, I could really see myself in what you were saying!